I can’t really explain what it is about my relationship with Jesus that makes it so fantastic. I mean, he’s sexy, has chest hair, is great in bed, makes me laugh, likes to cuddle, and treats me like gold, but these should be givens in any relationship. These are the things I should expect out of any relationship I’m in, even if I haven’t always gotten them. But there’s something about this relationship that’s different. There’s something about it that’s just… easy.

It just is. It developed organically. We met and fucked, exchanged numbers, and somehow just kept calling each other and hanging out. It wasn’t weird. I never wondered if he was gonna text me or if I should text him. I never wondered if he liked me. I never wondered where this was going. It just went. We just kind of naturally stopped seeing other people without any big Talk about it. We just kind of naturally started referring to each other as “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” without any real Discussion about what that meant. Oh sure, we were like, “Oh, wow. Did you just call me [your significant other]? Weird! But keep doing it! I like it!” But it didn’t illicit a panic from one of us, and it was never really brought up again. It was just The Way It Was.

I never question where we stand. I don’t walk on eggshells wondering if I screw up if he’ll break up with me. I don’t worry about saying or doing something to scare him away. If we get in a fight I don’t panic that it might be the end of our relationship. I’m not afraid to be weird or dorky or completely myself when I’m around him. I’m not afraid to show him my scars and the skeletons I keep in my closet. I don’t worry that I’m smothering him because I’m too affectionate or send too many texts. I’m not concerned about asking for a night alone or with my friends when I’m starting to feel smothered myself. I think about making plans for things in the not-so-near future and that doesn’t scare me. I think about a future with this person, and it doesn’t make me want to run in the other direction screaming.

We’ve only been dating about three months, but I can already tell that this one is different. This one is easy.

Posted in Relationships | Tagged | 4 Comments

A(nother) Case for Comprehensive Sex Ed

I’m not quite sure how I followed a link to TrèsSugar, but I noticed a column at the top of the page that said, “Sunday Confession: I Have Herpes.” I clicked, pleasantly surprised to see what I expected to be a column that attempted to destigmatize herpes. What I read was this:

I have genital herpes.

Imagine turning 19 years old and on your 19th birthday your gynecologist calls you just to tell you that you tested positive for herpes. I found out February 2010 on my birthday. It was pretty difficult.

All my friends know. Even my best friend. Now I have no friends. No best friends. I believe that my boyfriend of 9 months gave me herpes. I had unprotected sex with him and 3 days later a bump appeared on my vagina. I have had three breakouts since then. They are less painful as the time goes on, but the fact that I have it never goes away.

I stay with my boyfriend because I do not want to give herpes to anyone else. My advice to all people out there, use protection, and never trust anyone when they say they don’t have anything!

I am horrified and saddened all at once. This confession is a great example of why comprehensive sex education is so important and websites like Scarleteen are so vital (if you haven’t been following their blog carnival, you can read the complete round up over at AAG’s. Yes, I know I’m a terrible person for not contributing. I’M SORRY. I’VE BEEN WORKING A LOT LATELY).

I’m horrified and saddened that the people that this girl trusted enough to disclose this information to would completely shun her for it. I’m horrified and saddened that her “friends” would stop talking to her because she has an STD. I’m horrified and saddened that people still think that having an STD makes someone “dirty” or “bad.” I’m horrified and saddened that these people are punishing her because she contracted an STD by having sex with her boyfriend, someone she was in a relationship with.

I’m sad that this girl (maybe) wasn’t taught enough about safer sex practices. I’m sad for her that the person she trusted to share her body with gave her an STD and violated her trust by not telling her that he had one beforehand, and allowing her to have unprotected sex with him. And then I wonder whether he knows that he has herpes. I want to tell her to tell him that she has it, in case he does not, so that they can protect themselves. I want to tell her that she does not have to stay with someone because she feels like she’s now “dirty” or “tainted” in some way. I want to tell her about safer sex practices, and the ways that you can avoid spreading STDs to your partners. I want to tell her that having herpes does not “ruin” her for other people, and that it isn’t her fault.

And the sad fact remains that all of this could have been avoided if everyone involved had just had some comprehensive sex education. All of it.

Posted in Griping and Kvetching and Bitching, Population Control and Orgasmic Artillery, Sex Miscellany | 1 Comment

Sexy Gifts Are The Best Gifts

Babeland is currently running a contest that allows people to win a product of their choice from their Sexy Holiday Gift Guide. There are some fuckin’ awesome toys on the list, but I’d like to win the Cobra Libre.

It looks reallyreally cool and I haven’t read many (if any) reviews of it yet. Plus, I have enough toys of my own that I figure I could be nice and throw Jesus a bone by getting him one of his own. Aren’t I the best?

Go check out what’s on their list and see what else they’ve got while you’re over there!

Posted in Population Control and Orgasmic Artillery | Tagged | Leave a comment

Things You Can Do With Silicone Lube (Besides Have Sex)

Silicone lube is TOTALLY multi-purpose. I continue to find new and fantastic uses for it.  AAG agrees that there’s nothing silicone lube can’t do. I mean, with silicone lube you can:

  • Give a back massage
  • Polish leather
  • Smooth hair frizz
  • Fix a squeaky hinge
  • Get a taper through your ear
  • Oil up a Slip n’ Slide

I know I’m missing about 9,824,876 things from this list. Your turn! You tell me: what else can you do with silicone lube?

Posted in Population Control and Orgasmic Artillery | 6 Comments

Follow Up: Domestic Violence on MTV’s ‘Teen Mom’

A while back, I had written about the double standard regarding domestic violence and violence in general when a female is the perpetrator, and used an episode of Teen Mom as the catalyst for the post. Therefore, I was surprised, but nicely surprised, to hear that Amber, the perpetrator of said violence, has actually been charged with DV.

The punching and slapping is on tape, so I’m glad that action was taken, though it’s sad to see DV of any kind, especially when there is a child present to witness it.

Posted in Culture Goes Pop, It Felt Like A Kiss | Leave a comment

Wardrobe Malfunction: Workin’ It

On the last Wardrobe Malfunction that I posted including a work outfit, Lilly commented that it didn’t look as casual to her as I had suggested it was, so I decided to post a more typical work outfit. Please excuse the oil stain on the front of my skirt. I had a small accident involving running to catch a bus and a container of pasta salad that morning, and that was the best I could do at getting the stain out via hand-washing in the sink and borrowing paying to use the clients’ drier (I had a pair of jeans in my bag to change into while my skirt dried).

Also, I apologize for the blurriness. I’m taking these pictures with the self-timer on a digital camera while balancing it on something of the right-ish height and running to the other end of the room, so this is pretty much the best I can do. Ahem.

I am wearing:

  • Teal v-neck tee, Target
  • Gray pin-striped skirt (that is actually part of a suit), Express
  • Black cardigan, Target
  • Yellow studded skinny belt, Target
  • Sequined bib necklace, Target (I think)
  • Black boots, Diba (purchased from DSW).

Much more “business casual with a Britni twist” than the last outfit I posted, which was more “casual” than “business casual.” In case you hadn’t noticed, I do a lot of shopping at Target.

On an unrelated note, I seem to have the worst luck at work EVER. I’ve had several food accidents, allergic reactions that made me look like a leper, and then, to end my week, I fell down a flight of stairs while rushing around. The resulting bruises are freakin’ narsty. I just can’t catch a break lately, it seems.

Posted in Wardrobe Malfunction | 4 Comments

On Being in Queer Spaces

In a similar vein as my post two days ago, and related to my post from National Coming Out Day, I’ve been struggling a bit with something else lately. It’s no secret that I identify as a queer woman. I feel like the queer community is where I belong, and where I fit in. However, when I’m dating a male, I feel like I am no longer welcome in queer spaces or at queer events. I find myself embarrassed to be there with my boyfriend, or if he’s not with me, referring to my partner with only neutral pronouns, so as not to give away the fact that I’m dating a dude. I know that my identity doesn’t change with who I date, but to other people, it often does, and that makes me sad and uncomfortable.

Just a few more stray thoughts that I didn’t feel really fit in with my last post about identity.

Posted in SGO, Sexuality, Soul Searching | 7 Comments


I saw this commercial for the first time the other day, and it bothers me on several levels.

We have the man defining his “manhood” or “masculinity” based on his sexual prowess. He’s “The Man” because he’s good in bed and can give her orgasms (most likely through PIV sex, obvi). Yes, it’s great to want to please your partner, but that’s not even really mentioned. It almost seems like he pleases his partner because it makes him feel like “The Man,” instead of because it makes her happy.


He’s not as good a lover as he thought! See, it’s not *him* that gives her those mind-blowing orgasms! It’s KY Intense! But we can’t let him know that it’s not him, because that would shatter his poor little ego! So instead, the woman puts it on when he’s not in the room and has no clue. So again, we’re defining his “manhood” based on his ability to provide his wife pleasure. But by lying to her husband about the fact that he’s really not totally doing it for her, she’s doing him (and herself) a disservice. If she doesn’t let her husband know what she likes, how will he ever really know? That can cause resentment on both sides– her because she’s frustrated her husband can’t please her, and him if he learns out that she’s been lying to him the whole time.

I’m really glad that we’re talking about female pleasure, and that mainstream products are providing arousal aids and advertising them on TV. But can we cut the bullshit about masculinity being defined through sexual prowess and women lying to their partners about whether or not they’re getting pleasure out of sex? It’s harmful to everyone involved.

And I’m not even gonna comment on the commercial ending with “Happy Valentine’s Night!” Because we all know that good sex is reserved only for holidays.

Posted in Caterwauling About The Patriarchy, Griping and Kvetching and Bitching, Population Control and Orgasmic Artillery, Relationships, Sex Miscellany | 4 Comments

My Boyfriend is Better Than Yours

Random text from Jesus:

Dear creatures/beings/entities/spiritual forces to whom I give thanks: Thank you for blessing me with a girlfriend who likes to cuddle, make me laugh, has perfect tits and can suck cock like a porn star.

That might be the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me. And it totally made my night, as I sit here in bed watching a My So-Called Life marathon on Hulu and recovering from my insanely severe allergic reaction to medication for which I had to finally go to the hospital. Body-consuming hives for multiple days is not fun, and neither are swollen lips and tongue.

And Jesus has been totally awesome through the whole thing. He rubbed hydracortizone cream all over my ugly, angry hives. He came and met me at the ER last night and sat there with me the whole time, even though the cocktail in my IV put me right to sleep for hours. And I woke up this morning to him having gone and gotten my prescriptions filled and prepared, and lox and a bagel and potato salad for me to eat.

Like I said, my boyfriend is better than yours.

Posted in Awesomeness, Relationships | Tagged | 5 Comments

On PDA and Sexual Orientation

I’ve written before about the guilt that I experience over my heterosexual privilege. It’s something that I find myself thinking about a lot, especially when I’m in a relationship with someone of the opposite sex. And so it’s something that I’ve been thinking about a lot lately. Jesus and I are pretty affectionate with each other, including when we’re in public. But I’m often uncomfortable with any PDA, but not because I don’t like other people seeing my affection with my partner. No, I’m uncomfortable with it because it’s another example of me having heterosexual privilege.

You often see heterosexual couples walking down the street hand-in-hand, or sitting on the train with their arms around each other, or stopping to give each other a kiss. And while you do see gay couples do some of those things, it’s a much rarer sight. Society accepts and approves of heterosexuality, and therefore is usually not bothered by heterosexual PDA. In fact, it often goes unnoticed! Heterosexual couples don’t have to think twice before grabbing each other’s hand or giving each other a kiss.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t work like that for homosexual couples. Gay couples have to be careful where and when they touch each other, for fear of being stared at or harassed. Gay couples are “the other,” and therefore, their PDA is noticed. It’s often not approved of and met with negative reactions. When I have a non-male partner, I’m still affectionate, but that affection has made me fear for my safety in the past. I’ve been harassed and heckled and threatened by heterosexual males when out with femme partners to the point that I’ve had to go get security because I was legitimately afraid. Therefore, I’m weary about being able to be as lovey with my partner as I would sometimes like when we’re in public.

I also know that the more people see homosexual couples being affectionate with each other and acting just like straight couples, the more normalized it will become. But it takes really brave homos to challenge people’s ideas and society’s list of “acceptable behaviors,” and not everyone is willing to do that. And it’s not because they’re ashamed to be gay. It’s because they can be putting themselves in literal danger just because they wanted to hold their partner’s hand.

I’m trying to get past the guilt I feel when Jesus gives me a kiss on the train or on the sidewalk, but it’s not always that easy. There’s a part of me that still feels guilty that I’m free to be affectionate with my partner in public simply because that partner happens to have a penis.

*I ask that you don’t turn the comments section into a “but I’m straight and I hate PDA!” thing, because if that’s the only response you can think of, you’ve totally missed the point of this post. The point is not whether or not PDA is good or bad or enjoyable or not, but that gay couples can actually be putting themselves in danger for any PDA, while straight couples are not.

Posted in Relationships, SGO, Sexuality, Soul Searching | Tagged | 9 Comments
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