I saw this commercial for the first time the other day, and it bothers me on several levels.
We have the man defining his “manhood” or “masculinity” based on his sexual prowess. He’s “The Man” because he’s good in bed and can give her orgasms (most likely through PIV sex, obvi). Yes, it’s great to want to please your partner, but that’s not even really mentioned. It almost seems like he pleases his partner because it makes him feel like “The Man,” instead of because it makes her happy.
BUT WAIT!
He’s not as good a lover as he thought! See, it’s not *him* that gives her those mind-blowing orgasms! It’s KY Intense! But we can’t let him know that it’s not him, because that would shatter his poor little ego! So instead, the woman puts it on when he’s not in the room and has no clue. So again, we’re defining his “manhood” based on his ability to provide his wife pleasure. But by lying to her husband about the fact that he’s really not totally doing it for her, she’s doing him (and herself) a disservice. If she doesn’t let her husband know what she likes, how will he ever really know? That can cause resentment on both sides– her because she’s frustrated her husband can’t please her, and him if he learns out that she’s been lying to him the whole time.
I’m really glad that we’re talking about female pleasure, and that mainstream products are providing arousal aids and advertising them on TV. But can we cut the bullshit about masculinity being defined through sexual prowess and women lying to their partners about whether or not they’re getting pleasure out of sex? It’s harmful to everyone involved.
And I’m not even gonna comment on the commercial ending with “Happy Valentine’s Night!” Because we all know that good sex is reserved only for holidays.
I'm Britni, a snarky bitch and generally awesome person. I write about sex, love, and bullshit. If sex-positivity, discussions about BDSM and kink, queer issues, and topics that are completely inappropriate by society's standards make you uncomfortable, then this blog is not for you.
Good Vibes 
4 Comments
Having experienced this (20 years of not verbalizing my sexual needs/desires/lack of pleasure/boredom/list could go on and on) first hand, I can readily agree. Although in my case, my husband has a low libido so that he never grew resentful of the infrequency or lack of intensity.
Now that I’m in the mist of a divorce and I find myself wallowing in Man-Hatred (temporary, I’m sure), I find the commercial witty. By using the product, she is superseding her male’s partner role in providing her pleasure, thereby taking control of her orgasm by ensuring it. It must be targeted at mature women in their 40s or something because now I’m finally at the age to express what I want sexually. I suppose it takes some of us longer to reach that place, sigh.
But you’re right about it sending bad subliminal messages. Bad commercial but funny (at the expense of dim witted men – hey, I didn’t say I hated men for no reason).
Yeah, I’m pretty tired of the Men Are Strong And Masculine! But you must pretend to be a shrinking violet because you cannot rock the boat or else his fragile little ego will be crushes instantly.
Also, I only have sex on holidays, but that is accidental and based on someone elses’s unfortunate schedule of being in state:/ I was going to mock that when I realized all the sex I’ve had this year has been New Year’s, Mother’s Day, my birthday, and now I’m waiting for Thanksgiving for more. BOO, self.
Yeah…I’m not a huge fan of these commercials. They also seem to imply that couples in long-term commitments=ugly, boring and frowsy (they are both in comfy, albeit unflattering pajamas, etc). They “need” this product because their relationship and sex life are so BORING.
Now, I don’t like glamorous, hypersexualized portrayals of couples, but I think this goes to far in the other direction.
Brit, there’s a similar commercial to this, where the woman talks about how her husband(?) gave her cash for her birthday (no card, just cash). But his being bad at celebrating personal occaisons is made up for by the AMAZING KY YOURS AND MINE.
ughhhhhh.
Moral of the story is that KY is horrible.
Can we also stop implying that KY Intense does anything beyond giving a cool tingle to the genitals? Srsly. It is NOT going to intensify orgasms in any world.