I'm nothing but a brash and impetuous girl striving to be true to myself while searching for somewhere to belong, someone to love, and a better version of me.

I spend a lot of time highlighting the terrible messages and profiles that I encounter on OkCupid. However, I just received quite possibly the most awesome message EVER.

Subject: [reverse psychology in action]

So, clearly, this will never work. In fact, you should stop reading this right now and return to eating Play-Doh and ministering to the mentally ill.

Have you considered the dangers of dating someone who also has many queer friends? Potential disaster. What if your transmen friends are offended by the performances of my drag king friends, believing their experience is being burlesqued and belittled? What if someone brings up Michfest in mixed company or Bitch & Animal and The Blow are playing a show on the same night–are you really prepared for the untrammeled, orgiastic dance-off that could ensue? I do not think you are.

Further, what if we are atheists of different stripes? I am a probablistic athiest, following Hume’s argument that Christianity is a religion based on miracles and that no account of a miracle is more probable than the likelihood that the person telling of the miracle misperceived the event or is misleading you. You could, instead, be committed to the idea that the existence of a supreme being is an a priori impossibility–and, well, I don’t see any future for us if that is the case.

We also appear to share an interest in critical approaches to popular culture–but what if you are materialist feminist, dedicated to the notion that all this post-modern identity stuff is really a distraction and that we should get back to good old class politics and battling the patriarchy (conceived as a monolithic unity)?

We are both feminists, but what if you come down on the Andrea Dworkin side of the great porn debate and then drop by my apartment one day only to find me wildly masturbating to a Tristan Taormino video. What then?

I could go on, but clearly I’ve already shown that our potential incompatibilities have doomed us from the start. Perhaps you should consider a nice straight girl to pursue with no hope of eventual consummation. Unrequited lesbian love is, after all, very cinematic; perhaps you could even be punished at the end of the story for your socially unacceptable desires. That would, no doubt, be preferable to meeting in person some evening (soon?) with a rather shlubby librarian who, it is rumored, is easy as pie.

Let’s review: queer friendly, drag kings, Bitch & Animal, atheism, feminism, and Tristan Taormino all in one message? I think I’m in love already.