The (For Real) Best Dating Site Message in the History of Ever

I spend a lot of time highlighting the terrible messages and profiles that I encounter on OkCupid. However, I just received quite possibly the most awesome message EVER.

Subject: [reverse psychology in action]

So, clearly, this will never work. In fact, you should stop reading this right now and return to eating Play-Doh and ministering to the mentally ill.

Have you considered the dangers of dating someone who also has many queer friends? Potential disaster. What if your transmen friends are offended by the performances of my drag king friends, believing their experience is being burlesqued and belittled? What if someone brings up Michfest in mixed company or Bitch & Animal and The Blow are playing a show on the same night–are you really prepared for the untrammeled, orgiastic dance-off that could ensue? I do not think you are.

Further, what if we are atheists of different stripes? I am a probablistic athiest, following Hume’s argument that Christianity is a religion based on miracles and that no account of a miracle is more probable than the likelihood that the person telling of the miracle misperceived the event or is misleading you. You could, instead, be committed to the idea that the existence of a supreme being is an a priori impossibility–and, well, I don’t see any future for us if that is the case.

We also appear to share an interest in critical approaches to popular culture–but what if you are materialist feminist, dedicated to the notion that all this post-modern identity stuff is really a distraction and that we should get back to good old class politics and battling the patriarchy (conceived as a monolithic unity)?

We are both feminists, but what if you come down on the Andrea Dworkin side of the great porn debate and then drop by my apartment one day only to find me wildly masturbating to a Tristan Taormino video. What then?

I could go on, but clearly I’ve already shown that our potential incompatibilities have doomed us from the start. Perhaps you should consider a nice straight girl to pursue with no hope of eventual consummation. Unrequited lesbian love is, after all, very cinematic; perhaps you could even be punished at the end of the story for your socially unacceptable desires. That would, no doubt, be preferable to meeting in person some evening (soon?) with a rather shlubby librarian who, it is rumored, is easy as pie.

Let’s review: queer friendly, drag kings, Bitch & Animal, atheism, feminism, and Tristan Taormino all in one message? I think I’m in love already.

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Posted in Awesomeness, Make Me A Match | 17 Comments

Medication Diaries: Entry 6

When hooking up with a new partner for the first time, it’s best to warn them about your Nuvaring beforehand so that they don’t start fingering you and ask, “Um… what’s in your vagina?”

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Posted in Medication Diaries, Population Control and Orgasmic Artillery, Sexcapades | Tagged | 3 Comments

Are You Sure?

I had a date with someone the other night that went really well. So well, in fact, that neither of us realized how long we had been in the bar, and I missed the train home. He offered to split my cab fare with me, but it was easily a $40 cab ride and I can’t really afford to be spending that much money on cabs, so he offered to let me sleep at his place, if I was comfortable with it. I said that I would be as long as we established before we even got there that I would not be having sex with him that night. He offered me the guest bed, if that made me more comfortable, and off we went.

When we got to his place, we started kissing in the living room, which eventually led to the bedroom. The kissing led to hands up my shirt, and hands up my shirt led to hands down my pants. His fingers were absolutely magical and it wasn’t long before I was all, “OHMIGOD, okay, plz to fuck me nao?” He looked at me and asked, “Are you sure? You said you didn’t want to have sex tonight, and I don’t want you to do something you’re not comfortable with.”

And that right there made me want to fuck him even more. THAT is how you do enthusiastic consent. THAT is how you respect the boundaries that your partner has set for you. It really is as simple as asking, “Are you sure?” And yes, I was sure, and after that I was even more sure.

“Yes, I want you to fuck me.”

Consent granted. Let the fucking commence!

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Posted in Rape Culture, Sex Miscellany, Sexcapades | Tagged | 7 Comments

Apparently, This Needs To Be Said Again


If I did not ask to see your penis, why on earth would you assume I wanted to see it? If I have never talked to you, why would you assume that your opening email to me should be a picture of you naked including the words “I don’t want to make assumptions about you, but…?” Assuming that some woman wants to see your penis in a picture attached to an email when she has not indicated that she does is no different than a man on the train assuming that he can expose himself to a woman. Would you expose yourself to a woman on the train? No? Then why would you expose yourself to her in an email?

It is unsolicited exposure. It is exhibitionism. It is a sex crime. It is sexual harassment. Unless I have explicitly asked for a picture of you naked, DO NOT SEND IT TO ME. Get it? Got it? GOOD.

I thought we’d been over this once, twice, three times, four times, but apparently there needed to be a fifth time.

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Posted in Griping and Kvetching and Bitching, Rape Culture | 4 Comments

My Cervix is Not Male, Thankyouverymuch

A few years ago, I went to the gynecologist at my college’s health center. I had never been to see her before. When it came time for my pap smear, she began to talk to my cervix.

“Aw, the little guy’s being shy! He won’t look at me! Look at me, little cervix!”

I was horribly creeped out. I mean, it was bad enough that she spoke to my cervix like it was an actual person, but then she had to make it MALE? Oh, no she di’int!

Needless to say, that was my first and last visit to her office.

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Posted in Griping and Kvetching and Bitching, Sex Miscellany | 7 Comments

e[lust] #18

HNT Courtesy of Barefoot Dreamer – Photo by Jon H.

Welcome to e[lust] - Your source for sexual intelligence and inspirations of lust from the smartest & sexiest bloggers! Whether you’re looking for hot steamy smut, thought-provoking opinions or expert information, you’re going to find it here. Want to be included in e[lust] #19? Start with the rules, check out the schedule and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Week’s Top Three Posts ~

Off Limits for 30 Days – “You don’t listen very well,” I heard her hiss. “That’s off limits, damn you.” And there was a crack and fiery agony clawed into my back.

The Joy of Sucking Cock – I wonder at times if that is why I am such a “good little cocksucker” as W calls me. When I am deeply into it, I almost enter this place where I am both the sucker and suckee, and it is as though it is MY cock being sucked on.

This intensity gets me riled when I am tied up (photo story) – James picked up that evil strap again. I watched helplessly as he positioned himself to use it on my pussy… Ever so lightly he started. Flick, flick, flick.

~ e[lust] Editress ~

Ask Lilly: How do I know if a sex toy has phthalates in it? – The studies going around are saying that phthalate exposure can damage all sorts of organs, and can possibly cause cancer. There are a lot of harmful things in our world these days that we can’t avoid – so when we CAN avoid something like toxins in our sex toys, we should.

~ Featured Post (Lilly’s Pick) ~

Portal. Confession #493 – It truly is a spiritual give and take, these sexual relationships I form. I can cross the threshold and see however much of someone that I choose to see, with whomever it is that I am involved with.

See also: Pleasurists #88 and #89 for all your sex toy review needs.

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Read More »

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I got laid last night. Twice.

That is all. Continue on with your daily activities.

(Hey, it’d been over a month! I have every right to brag about it!)

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Posted in Make Me A Match, Sexcapades | Tagged | 6 Comments

PSA: On Seduction

ATTENTION MEN: when trying to seduce a woman, it is best not to remove your (hard) penis from the hole in your boxers and whip it around like a helicopter while yelling, “Woo! Woo!”

This has been a Public Service Announcement.

No, this has never happened to me on a first date before. Why do you ask?

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Posted in Public Service Announcement, Sexcapades | 6 Comments

Anti-Rape Campaigns Done Right

Men Can Stop Rape has released a new anti-rape campaign, and it’s awesome. Not only does it feature both a gay couple and a minority couple among the posters, but instead of telling women not to drink so much/stay out late/wear something slutty, it simply focuses on stopping rape. It’s the sentiment of “the only way to prevent rape is for rapists not to rape” thing.

Bravo, Men Can Stop Rape. And you should check out their website. They really are a great organization.

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Posted in Awesomeness, Rape Culture | 8 Comments

Soul Mates

I saw the girl that I consider to be the love of my life for the first time in 3 years the other night. We had stopped talking after a falling out, and recently got back in touch. Me moving back to Boston allowed us to see each other.

It was amazing. It was like nothing had changed. We finished each other’s sentences. We answered questions for each other. I love that girl more than I’ve ever loved anyone.

She’s my soul mate, even if we’re never romantically involved again.

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Posted in Relationships, SGO | Tagged | 2 Comments
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  • Britni TheVadgeWig

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