Meet Jesus

So, I have a boyfriend. He will be referred to on this blog as Jesus. Meg named him because Jesus was Jewish and bearded (as is the guy) and did stuff with wine (this guy owns a bar). He likes the name because Jesus was also a carpenter, and was therefore “good with his wood.” Also, he said that it’s fitting, since he can “bring [me] closer to God, or at least make [me] scream His name.” It will be pronounced “hay-soos,” as he likes to tease me about having a thing for Hispanic men (The Bruiser has a Spanish name, and I fucked a guy from OkC with a Spanish name), even though I don’t, really.

I met him at his bar. I thought he was gay. He thought I was a tomboy. First impressions are really something, eh?

And there you have it. A new addition to the cast of characters.

Posted in Relationships | Tagged | 11 Comments

Why I Love Dan Savage

To follow up on my “Dan Savage Fail” post, I figured I’d post AWESOME DAN SAVAGE. Not necessarily in the form of great advice, but more along the lines of AWESOME PERSON stuff.

In a Word…

I have a serious cum fetish. I work odd hours, and my husband often watches porn and masturbates, which in principle I have no problem at all with. However, if he cums while watching porn then there’s less cum for me, which seriously pisses me off. I have asked that he should play with himself all he likes, but I’d appreciate if he could save the actual cum for me. He says that either this spoils the fun, or he just gets carried away and can’t stop. Am I being unreasonable?

Can’t Understand Men


Never Read the Savage Love Mail at Lunch, Never Read the Savage Love Mail at Lunch, Never Read the Savage Love Mail at Lunch…

I am a big fan of your column and have a question that I have never seen addressed. The back story: married with a new child. Before I got pregnant my husband would tell me not to flush my tampons down the toilet because it can clog it. Makes sense since we live in a house built in the 60′s. So I started to wrap it in TP and place in the waste basket in the bathroom. Fast forward a year, baby is now has arrived, and my period is back to normal. The first time I was able to wear tampons I forgot about flushing them. My husband gently reminded me to not flush them and I felt bad about forgetting. Well I am on my period now, and this is where my question comes in.

I came home yesterday from work with the baby and heard the radio in the bathroom so I knew my husband was about to take a shower. I put the baby down and went to pop my head in to let him know we were home, and saw him getting ready to turn the shower on with a string hanging from his mouth. I didn’t have time to register what it was when he spit it out from being startled and it was my bloody tampon. I freaked!! I shut the door and just sat on the couch in shock. He took a really long time to come out so I know he was freaked out that I saw what I saw. I am a very GGG kinda girl but I have to admit I was taken back. After I finally got him to sit and talk he told me he had been doing this for a few years with the women he was dating and now me, his wife. I am sure you have heard of this and I Googled it and know it is a real fetish, but I am curious if it is safe. Never thought about the tampon once I disposed of it but now I have vested interest to know if it is okay to do. I can’t ask anyone I know so I went to my favorite expert. :)

I’m His Blood Type

If you have an iPhone and haven’t purchased the Savage Love app, you should do so immediately. Best $1.99 I’ve ever spent! There’s an “Ohhh, Dan!” feature that includes vibration along to a picture of Dan, podcasts, Questions of the Day, and more. And while it’s starting up, it says things like, “enabling fisting,” “disabling Santorum,” “initializing water sports,” “configuring a 3-way,” “initiating pegging sequence,” and “rimming,” among other things.

And if you haven’t checked out his “It Gets Better” project, you should. It’s amazing. I’m planning on filming a video, and when I do, I’ll post it.

Posted in Awesomeness, Sexuality | Leave a comment


I’m a huge fan of Project Runway. Mondo is by far my favorite designer on the show. He’s quirky and he plays with color and pattern, which is something I love (which you’ve probably noticed, if you’ve ever seen anything I wear!). He wears fucking fantastic things, and is so fabulous that I almost can’t handle it.

Then there were these pictures of him as a child. He said that he came out to his mother at 17, and she asked him to stay in the closet and not tell any other family members. The fact that none of them knew that he was gay… well, denial is a helluva drug.

This week, he won the challenge, which asked them to design a print that was somehow connected to them personally. Mondo’s print was covered in plus signs, to symbolize his HIV-positive status. He’d been positive for 10 years, and had never told anyone before.

Like when Ongina came out on the first season of RuPaul’s Drag Race, I cried. And at the same time, I smiled. Because, especially when it comes to gay men, so many people look at HIV as something dirty, or to be ashamed of. Or indicative of the fact that being gay is a dirty and disgusting lifestyle. And it isn’t. And it’s not a death sentence, either. And with so many young gay people killing themselves, especially recently, what these men did is fucking amazing. The courage it takes to share this with the world is staggering, and they probably saved some people’s lives, just by not being ashamed of who they are.

They put a face to this disease that is so often seen as a dirty, shameful thing. I wish that it could be just like someone saying that they had any other disease or illness, and maybe one day it will be, with the help of people like Mondo and Ongina. I work with a lot of Positive people, because I work with people that struggle with drug addiction. And again, many of them are so ashamed to be Positive. But they’re just like everyone else. There is no reason to be afraid of these people, to be around them, to exist among them. They’re human, and they’re amazing.

Posted in Culture Goes Pop, SGO | 3 Comments

Any Sex A Woman Doesn’t Want to Have is Rape

Normally I love Dan Savage. Granted, he can be a little transphobic and biphobic at times, but no one is perfect. And generally, he’s awesome. But then, there’s stuff like this.

In case you can’t read the text, here it is:

Any Sex a Woman Doesn’t Want to Have is Rape

Let me cut to the chase here—any sex a woman doesn’t want to be having is rape. As a rape victim, I know what I’m talking about. The time a friend pushed me to the ground and forced himself on me (despite my screams and attempts to fight him off) was rape. And so were all the times a boyfriend pressured me into sex by convincing me he was “owed” a blowjob.

Rape Is Outside the General Rules Regarding Real Life

I’m sorry, RIOTGRRRL, but you don’t know what you’re talking about. We can’t go tossing men into prison for the sin of not being able to read minds. If a woman is having sex she doesn’t want to be having, she has to say so. That guy who pushed you to the ground? Rapist, for sure. The boyfriends who guilt-tripped you into blowing them? Not rapists.

Actually Dan, YOU don’t know what you’re talking about. While pressuring someone into sex isn’t necessarily outright, forcible rape, it’s still coercion. And coercive rape is a Real Thing. No one is saying that these men should be tossed into prison for it, but if we don’t acknowledge it for what it is, we’re allowing it to continue.

We need to change the way we socialize both men and women regarding sex. By not teaching men the concept of enthusiastic consent, we create this environment in which men feel they can keep pressuring a woman for sex simply because the word “no” hasn’t been uttered. Silence is not a “yes.” Pushing a hand away repeatedly until they give up is not a “yes.” Giving in to guilt trips and pressure is not a “yes.” And when we fail to teach men this, we create rapists out of people that probably never would have been otherwise. The people that jump out of bushes and rape people? Probably always would have been rapists. Many guys that use pressure, guilt trips, or alcohol to gain consent from women? Most likely victims of the way they were socialized to think about and understand sex. Hugo Schwyzer’s “Stoplight Theory” explains this really well (emphasis his).

Most boys, for example, get the “no means no” message pretty loud and clear in high school and college workshops. It’s a worthy if basic message, and one well worth repeating over and over again. But as anyone who works around young people and sexuality will tell you, in and of itself a “no means no” reminder is woefully insufficient. Many of the young men and women I work with, for example, talk to me of what I’ve come to call the “stoplight” phenomenon. Traffic signals, of course, have three colors: red for stop, yellow for caution, green for go. Good drivers are taught to stop on “red”, which functions as a “no”. But of course, even at the busiest urban intersections, no light stays red indefinitely. If you wait long enough at a stoplight, every red will become green. And when all we do is teach young men that “no means stop” when it comes to sexual boundaries, we often send them the message that if they just wait long enough (or pester, push, nag, beg, play passive-aggressive games) they’ll get the “green light” they’re so hungry for. Good “sexual boundaries workshops” go beyond the “no means no” message. Specifically, we look at the ways in which many men will accept a “no” as a “yellow light” rather than a red, assuming that if they simply keep up unrelenting pressure (often abetted by alcohol or exhaustion) they’ll get the permission they seek.

Also, the male privilege here is shining through. As a male, you do not have the right to tell a female, and a rape victim at that, that she doesn’t know what she’s talking about when it comes to sexual assault. Period. As a member of a non-oppressed group, you do not get to define these things. If she felt violated by the events, and she sees it as rape, then who the hell are you to tell her that it wasn’t? It’s not up to you to determine what is and isn’t sexual assault. It’s up to the victim.

So, sorry Dan. You got one thing right: any sex a woman doesn’t want to have is rape. But the rest? You missed the mark.

*I actually wrote to him about this column, and it said basically the same thing that I posted here.

Posted in Griping and Kvetching and Bitching, Rape Culture | 22 Comments

Drunk Texting With Jess Manifesto: NYSBCP Edition

While at the Calendar Party, I received a drunk text from Jess Manifesto. I was SO EXCITED, since other people got to experience the wonder of Jess’ texts. It was an interactive event (all links added by me, obvi).

Jess: Beteuni!!!!!!

Jess: Inbat a wessj h!

Jess: Wedding drunk fun knens head!

Me: I’m at the calendar party!

Jess: IMP hats awaneakne. You should smooi h essin em :)

Me: Other people want to say hi.

My phone: Hi jess I’m garnet how are you

Jess: Omg go garnet!

Jess: I live me sime garnet!!!

My phone: Hey jess! You’re my hero!

Jess: Yay! LEDs be best grinds!

Jess: Gatbr y bad britnii are y new mvyu reje da ever!!!!!

Me: Oh, that was outspoken clitic [that called you her hero]!

Jess: Yes!!!! Unlicensed get!

Jess: Let smke Rain to whey Elbe!

Jess: Bbooobies like wowowow

Jess: I gavn and I mm drhknat a weddkg. Fixj marriages

At this point, I walked over to Jiz Lee and explained this little blog feature, told them that Jess was the girl that made the comic of Billy Castro fingering them, and asked if they would say hi.

My phone: Hi OMG I fucking loved that pic of me being fisted and squirting all over Billy Castro Xx Jiz

Jess: Omg!!!!!!!!!

Jess: Jizz. j jiz3: in pants just ow.

Jess: Best datif my life eve.

My phone: Hi, it’s @badbadgirlx

My phone: And Essin’ Em

My phone: Kisses to you

Jess, this morning: Best. Drunk text sesh. Ever.


This has been “Drunk Texting With Jess Manifesto.”

Posted in Self Medication, With A Little Help From My Friends | Tagged | 4 Comments

Wardrobe Malfunction: NYSBCP

I had a freaking blast at the Calendar Party. I met so many fantastic people, and if I tried to name them all, I know I’d forget someone, and I don’t want to do that! It was funny because, since I post my face, people walked right up to me and were like, “Britni!” Which meant that I then stared at them with a blank look on my face waiting for them to introduce themselves, since I had no idea who the hell they were. Apparently, I also had on a “very Britni” outfit, which helped with the recognition. It was pretty cute, if I do say so myself.

Garnet Joyce served as my photog for this pic. She was all, “I can’t take this here! There’s people walking by!” And I was all, “Bish, please. I will tell people to STOP.” Because I’m self-centered like that.

I am wearing:

  • Dress from Filene’s (on wicked awesome sale. Srsly)
  • Yellow pumps by Michael
  • Yellow clutch by Jessica McClintock (also on wicked awesome sale at Filene’s)
  • “Chest plate” necklace from Target, I think (I like to joke that I could take a bullet to that thing)

This picture was taken by the bathroom. I had been talking to a very cute accented (Australian, maybe?) guy that ran some kind of “sex-positive dating site.” I do not know anything else about him, but I lost him somehow. Hot man, if you’re reading this, CALL ME.

I also arrived in time to receive a superawesome swag bag. In fact, Outspoken Clitic and I got THE LAST TWO. How’s that for timing, eh? Check out mah swag.

If you’re interested, you can see all the tweets from the event by checking out the hashtag #nysbcp on Twitter.

As I write this, I’m chillin’ on Outspoken Clitic’s couch. She cooked me breakfast!

You know you’re jealous. And tonight, Saraid is coming into the city to have dinner with Outspoken Clitic and me. All in all, a kick ass trip to NYC!

Posted in Awesomeness, Wardrobe Malfunction, With A Little Help From My Friends | 5 Comments


Hey guys! As we speak I am headed to NYC for the Annual New York Sex Blogger Calendar Launch Party! I’m staying with Outspoken Clitic, and am super excited to meet all the awesome people that will be going! I’m already aware of a ton of people that will be there, thanks to Twitter, and I can’t wait to meet so many of the people that I’ve “known” for years! I know I’ll be meeting Essin’ Em (for the second time!), Garnet Joyce, Bad Bad Girl, Hubman and Veronica, Wilhelmina Wang, and a ton of other people that I know I’m already forgetting, and even more that I didn’t even know were going!

I’ll keep you updated, of course, but posting will be light this weekend! See you when I get back!

Posted in Awesomeness | 3 Comments

What Can Men Do?

This is a fantastic post that I’ve reposted from Terry Brock. It always warms my cold, black heart to know that there ARE good men out there that are fighting this fight with us. To those men, thank you.

After spending an hour fuming about the latest news regarding the failure of Prosecutor Stuart Dunnings III to bring charges against two MSU basketball players for an alleged sexual assault on MSU’s campus, I was angry. Thankfully, I had the good fortune of reading a much more level headed response to the issue than simply sending off angry tweets and curse-laden emails to my girlfriend about how unjust the world is. So I thought I’d pull on my realm of “expertise”, and talk about how men can be involved in ending sexual assault.

Of course, there’s everything that Elizabeth Battiste suggests. But there are some other things that are more specific to men. Often, men are not included in this dialogue. This is not because we are excluded, but because we don’t realize that there is a role for us, or that we are wanted. Well, as a man who has been involved in ending sexual violence against women for a while now, I can assure you, we are wanted.

So, as men, what can we do?

Don’t place blame. It’s so easy for us to ask questions like, “why didn’t she scream?” “What was she wearing?” and all of those other questions that lift blame from the attackers and onto the victims. As men, it is often easy for us to enter into this dialogue. Don’t. It’s not constructive, and it doesn’t achieve anything. Instead, put someone you love in the shoes of the victim. Would you berade your sister or mother for not screaming? The fact remains that “No means No”, and the only person who can stop a rape from happening is the rapist.

Speak Up. Most likely, you’ll hear your guy friends talking about this case. Quite possibly, they’ll start blaming the victim. Call them out. A simple “dude, not cool. What if that was your sister?” or “ya know, if those guys just hadn’t had sex with her, this all could have been avoided” or “I just don’t think this kind of behavior is very manly – I’m not impressed” can really make a difference. By not calling out other men for this type of language, we’re tacitly approving it.

Put yourself there. What if you were one of the guys in this scenario (not just the two basketball players, but the roommate next door, and the guy who knocked on the door)? What could you have done differently? There are a number of men in this story, and none of them chose to say, “hey guys, this is really not cool.” What could the men in this story have done that might have prevented this tragedy from happening? Why do you think they didn’t? What does this tell us about masculinity?

Unpack your backpack. Think about how being a man has given you plenty of freedoms women may not have. How would the scenario have been different if the gender roles had been reversed? Challenge yourself to reflect on that and what it might mean. What sorts of things do we take for granted that women might not.

Mentor other Men. We have men who look up to us as leaders, as models of what it means to be a “man”, be it our students, our kids, colleagues, employees, coworkers, interns, or friends. Take this opportunity to bring up the subject, and talk about what positive male behavior would have looked like.

Talk to a Woman you Love. Call your sister, your girlfriend, your mother, your friend. Someone you trust and who trusts you. Tell them you’ve read about this story, and it really got you thinking about the world and what it must be like to be a woman in it. Ask them what it’s like being a woman in our world. Don’t interrogate them or argue with them. Let them tell you what their experience is like. What they tell you might surprise you. It might, dare I say it, CHANGE you.

Show Support. We all have women in our lives who matter to us. Be visible with your support of them and their safety. Volunteer (here too). Donate things. Go to a rally. Show up at a show. Buy a book. Watch a movie. Put this flier on your office or dorm room door. Start a men against gender violence student organization. Speak out. Be active. Violence against women won’t end without men telling other men it’s not okay. There are plenty of resources and organizations to be a part of: I’ve put some links below. We have a responsibility to take action.

Please feel free to ask me questions or to point you in the direction of any resources at MSU or elsewhere.

White Ribbon Campaign

Jackson Katz

Walk a Mile in Her Shoes

One in Four

Men Can Stop Rape – They have an amazing list of organizations by state. Find yours here.

Michigan State Resources (located at the bottom of the page)

[Photo: "Against Rape" - Toban Black]

h/t to Elitza for the link.

Posted in Rape Culture | 1 Comment


I found these on while looking for artwork for my apartment.

Rape culture:

(This one makes me absolutely sick.)

(This is what’s known as “rape”).


Women are only after one thing:

(That’s how you want to end up with an engagement ring! Because you wore him down and drove him nuts until he caved! Romantic!).

Sometimes I hate our society.

Posted in Caterwauling About The Patriarchy, Rape Culture | 16 Comments

Once and For All

One of my biggest pet peeves:

Come: verb. The act of orgasming. “I’m going to come!” “Please come on me!”

Cum: noun. Ejaculate, semen. “His cum tastes awful!” “Did we get cum on the couch?”

Get it? Got it? Good.

Posted in Sex Miscellany | 9 Comments
  • This site contains adult content and is not intended for anyone under the age of 18. Under 18? Click here:


  • Britni TheVadgeWig

    PhotobucketI'm Britni, a snarky bitch and generally awesome person. I write about sex, love, and bullshit. If sex-positivity, discussions about BDSM and kink, queer issues, and topics that are completely inappropriate by society's standards make you uncomfortable, then this blog is not for you.
    Photobucket Photobucket
  • Because I Am a Shameless, Broke-Ass Bitch

    All donations are welcome, of course! You can always buy me something off my wishlist, as well.

  • Get Yourself Off

    Good Vibes PinkCherry Sex Toys Love yourself. Everyday. Tickle. Photobucket ER-150x250-1a_3 / JT's Stockroom
  • Photobucket
  • See My Writing At

    Photobucket Photobucket
  • Watch Them Get Off

    visit Photobucket visit
  • The What

  • The Who

  • Go Back In Time