The (For Real) Best Dating Site Message in the History of Ever

I spend a lot of time highlighting the terrible messages and profiles that I encounter on OkCupid. However, I just received quite possibly the most awesome message EVER.

Subject: [reverse psychology in action]

So, clearly, this will never work. In fact, you should stop reading this right now and return to eating Play-Doh and ministering to the mentally ill.

Have you considered the dangers of dating someone who also has many queer friends? Potential disaster. What if your transmen friends are offended by the performances of my drag king friends, believing their experience is being burlesqued and belittled? What if someone brings up Michfest in mixed company or Bitch & Animal and The Blow are playing a show on the same night–are you really prepared for the untrammeled, orgiastic dance-off that could ensue? I do not think you are.

Further, what if we are atheists of different stripes? I am a probablistic athiest, following Hume’s argument that Christianity is a religion based on miracles and that no account of a miracle is more probable than the likelihood that the person telling of the miracle misperceived the event or is misleading you. You could, instead, be committed to the idea that the existence of a supreme being is an a priori impossibility–and, well, I don’t see any future for us if that is the case.

We also appear to share an interest in critical approaches to popular culture–but what if you are materialist feminist, dedicated to the notion that all this post-modern identity stuff is really a distraction and that we should get back to good old class politics and battling the patriarchy (conceived as a monolithic unity)?

We are both feminists, but what if you come down on the Andrea Dworkin side of the great porn debate and then drop by my apartment one day only to find me wildly masturbating to a Tristan Taormino video. What then?

I could go on, but clearly I’ve already shown that our potential incompatibilities have doomed us from the start. Perhaps you should consider a nice straight girl to pursue with no hope of eventual consummation. Unrequited lesbian love is, after all, very cinematic; perhaps you could even be punished at the end of the story for your socially unacceptable desires. That would, no doubt, be preferable to meeting in person some evening (soon?) with a rather shlubby librarian who, it is rumored, is easy as pie.

Let’s review: queer friendly, drag kings, Bitch & Animal, atheism, feminism, and Tristan Taormino all in one message? I think I’m in love already.

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  1. GhouldilocksNo Gravatar
    Posted August 14, 2010 at 6:41 pm | Permalink

    Oh. My. God.

    I think that I am in love with this dude.

  2. KivrinNo Gravatar
    Posted August 14, 2010 at 7:16 pm | Permalink

    Wow, that really was an awesome message. She* has a way with words!

    *I get the chick vibe from this one—maybe because I don’t know many male librarians?—but I could be wrong!

    • Britni TheVadgeWigNo Gravatar
      Posted August 14, 2010 at 7:30 pm | Permalink

      Nope! It was a DUDE. That’s what makes it even more awesome.

  3. Nadia WestNo Gravatar
    Posted August 14, 2010 at 8:22 pm | Permalink

    Don’t forget he’s a librarian. We’re a bunch of freaks. Seriously. We’re lots of fun. ;-) (See: my blog)

  4. Nadia WestNo Gravatar
    Posted August 14, 2010 at 8:23 pm | Permalink

    And I have to say: straight, male librarians are like unicorns. I do work with one, but they are far and few between. Grab him.

    • FaeTeardropNo Gravatar
      Posted September 8, 2010 at 12:24 am | Permalink

      in the same way that getting awesome messages on dating sites are like unicorns!!

      this is the best dating site message that i have ever seen!!

  5. Jess ManifestoNo Gravatar
    Posted August 14, 2010 at 10:05 pm | Permalink

    He used “Untrammeled”. So full of win.

  6. SaNo Gravatar
    Posted August 14, 2010 at 10:29 pm | Permalink


    Does he have a brother?

  7. Another Suburban MomNo Gravatar
    Posted August 14, 2010 at 11:41 pm | Permalink

    I want to fuck the guy and I don’t even know him. Very hot indeed.

  8. AnneNo Gravatar
    Posted August 15, 2010 at 4:47 am | Permalink

    You’re right – that’s an awesome letter :D
    Are you going to meet him? He sounds cool!

  9. Nell GwynneNo Gravatar
    Posted August 15, 2010 at 8:48 am | Permalink


  10. mivoxNo Gravatar
    Posted August 15, 2010 at 5:19 pm | Permalink

    That is fan-fucking-tastic. Already in love, indeed! :-D

  11. EpiphoraNo Gravatar
    Posted August 15, 2010 at 5:43 pm | Permalink

    Andrea Dworkin side. LOLOLOLOL.

  12. Outspoken CliticNo Gravatar
    Posted August 15, 2010 at 5:47 pm | Permalink

    WINNER! For life.

  13. Sophie DelanceyNo Gravatar
    Posted August 16, 2010 at 10:23 am | Permalink


    This is actually very similar to the first conversation I had with my partner. We met over OKC and joked about how we could never be together because we liked slightly different musical theatre and we had one or two favourite bands/books/movies/shows that didn’t overlap perfectly. For all the unpleasant weirdos on OKC, there are a handful of amazing queer boys who more than make up for it. This guys sounds like he’s no exception.

    • FaeTeardropNo Gravatar
      Posted September 8, 2010 at 12:26 am | Permalink

      better than the first message i sent my fiance over OKC which consisted of “mmm quiche”

      makes me laugh that we’ve built our relationship off a mutual appreciation of quiche (which he cooked for me for the first time on our two year anniversary not so long ago)

  14. WilhelminaNo Gravatar
    Posted August 16, 2010 at 10:59 am | Permalink

    LOVE. i want him already and i haven’t even met him or anything. do tell us how the date goes ;)

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