Category Archives: Sexcapades

I’m all about the foreplay. Main event? What main event?

Jesus and I don’t actually have a ton of PIV sex. I mean, of course we HAVE it, but for us it serves more as an “intimacy” thing than a “pleasure” thing. You see, he gets off easily and enjoyably via a blow job or titty fucking (I hate that term. Can we come up [...]
Also posted in Sexuality | Tagged | 2 Comments


In a complete stroke of luck, Jesus happened to be staying in a town on the night I was assaulted. In an even larger stroke of luck, his phone was turned on. He immediately hitched a ride to a bus station and headed back into the city. He made it back only 6 hours after [...]
Also posted in Rape Culture, Soul Searching | Tagged | 3 Comments


The other morning, I woke up feeling the slight tingle of desire in my loins and ran with it before it disappeared again. I woke up Jesus, who says that his sleepy brain said, “What’s going on? Is she waking me up… for sexual purposes? OH MY GOD. RUN WITH IT, MAN! GO! GO!” And [...]
Also posted in Relationships, Sexuality | Tagged | 1 Comment


I introduced Jesus to the Njoy Pure Wand last night. They were fast friends. The squirting was epic. Everyone was happy. The end.
Also posted in Dildo, Population Control and Orgasmic Artillery | Tagged | 1 Comment


The other morning, I was feeling sleepy and lazy, so I called in late to work, cuddled up with Jesus, and went back to sleep. A couple of hours later, I was feeling frisky, which was a nice surprise considering that my sex drive has been MIA as of late. I woke up Jesus and [...]
Posted in Sexcapades | Tagged | 5 Comments

“Wanna Do It?”

I can never hear the phrase, “Wanna do it?” anymore without my stomach turning. I once dated someone that, when he wanted to fuck, would look at me and ask, “Wanna do it?” in this really non-chalant way, and would then add, “You can sit on it if you want.” Oh, really? Can I? THANKS [...]
Also posted in Sex Miscellany | Tagged | 9 Comments

My Own Hands

The other night, Jesus and I had a bit of a tiff. After it was over, I immediately wanted to fuck. But he stopped me and said, “I’m sorry, but we were just fighting for 4 hours. That doesn’t exactly put me in the mood for sex.” I was flabbergasted. I was all, “But… but… [...]
Also posted in Griping and Kvetching and Bitching, Relationships, Sex Miscellany | Tagged | 1 Comment


I used to think that I could only squirt with proper g-spot stimulation. Once I became used to squirting and knew what kind of stimulation caused it, I got really good at it. I could do it with less g-spot stimulation than I’d required before. I knew which pelvic muscles to flex to make it [...]
Also posted in Sex Miscellany | Tagged | 2 Comments

Wardrobe Malfunction: Punctuation and Feathers

One thing I really appreciate about my job is that they allow me to maintain and express my individuality. I’m allowed to have visible tattoos and piercings, dye my hair, and wear whatever I want as long as it’s within dress code. This means nothing too revealing, no jeans except for Fridays, and no flip [...]
Also posted in Diarrhea of the Mind, I Am A Material Girl, Parental Control, Wardrobe Malfunction | Tagged , | 5 Comments

How to Guarantee That I Will Never Sleep With You Again

In regards to my squirting: “It was pretty hot and it definitely turned me on, but it was really messy. Could you maybe not do it so much next time?” FAIL. There will now definitely be no “next time.” And people wonder why I was so insecure about it for so long. But! It gets [...]
Also posted in Griping and Kvetching and Bitching, Sex Miscellany | 20 Comments
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  • Britni TheVadgeWig

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