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Britni TheVadgeWig
I'm Britni, a snarky bitch and generally awesome person. I write about sex, love, and bullshit. If sex-positivity, discussions about BDSM and kink, queer issues, and topics that are completely inappropriate by society's standards make you uncomfortable, then this blog is not for you.
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Get Yourself Off
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Category Archives: Diarrhea of the Mind
Just What I Needed
I spent the week in my apartment, in my bed, curled up in a ball. I did absolutely nothing, aside from go to doctor’s appointments and the hospital. I held onto Jesus almost every minute of the day that I wasn’t asleep. I needed it, obviously. I was super sick from all the medication for [...]
Also posted in Awesomeness, Foto, I Want To Go To There, Rape Culture, Relationships, Wardrobe Malfunction Tagged Jesus 4 Comments
Girlfriend of the Year
Upon learning that Alex Rodriguez has multiple paintings of himself as a centaur in his home, Jesus decided that he, too, needed one. As a gift to him for various things including getting off heroin and generally being awesome, I commissioned a painting from a good friend of ours. Behold: You’ll have to trust me [...]
Mercy
I want to get these. They are the perfect way to end an argument, if you ask me. Simple, to the point, and cute as hell.
Also posted in Awesomeness, I Am A Material Girl, Relationships 2 Comments
Big Brother
Facebook is starting to scare me. I updated my status to this: And the second I hit “post,” the adverts on my sidebar changed to this: For the record, Facebook, you are wrong. I do not like either of those things, but thanks for playing.
Posted in Diarrhea of the Mind 3 Comments
Our Humble Abode
Yesterday was our housewarming party at our new apartment, so I thought I’d share some pictures of our place. It will probably never be this clean again. The living room is my favorite room in the house right now. We got that couch on Craigslist for wicked cheap, and it’s beautiful (even though it feel [...]
Also posted in I Am A Material Girl, I Want To Go To There, Wardrobe Malfunction Tagged Jesus 6 Comments
Material Happiness
I want to share some of the things that I’ve purchased lately that I love love love. Because I find so much of the stuff I buy through other people’s blogs, I figure maybe people will find something they like here! She Belongs There roll-on perfume. I absolutely love the name of this scent, and [...]
Also posted in I Am A Material Girl 2 Comments
History Lesson
Jesus (who grew up in New Hampshire and Boston): “Okay, I’m trying to grasp this. So you didn’t have, like, Revolutionary War history field trips when you were in school? That’s just so… weird.” Me: “Well, seeing as Fort Lauderdale was founded in 1911, I’m going to let you figure that one out on your [...]
Drunk Texting With Jess Manifesto
A few weeks ago, I got a drunk text from Jess Manifesto. I was asleep, and did not respond. But she did not stop. Here is the sequence of unanswered texts over the course of an hour: “Britni jni ni thr ftnk thbivr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!7!!!!7$7888888888888888888&&&” “Ynsuuuuuuuuuzruvjo” “Sk ugcb” “Inbound” “Vtibtioo” “Umbao vfeubk” “Sgrbri” “Okmggggff” “MSG GOP” “abbriie” [...]
Color Me Confused
Jesus is a Scorpio. I am a Sagittarius. Neither of us feels like we are characters in a Shakespearean play. In fact, we have no idea what this is even supposed to mean. Ideas?
In case you ever wondered what kind of a housekeeper I am…