Ask And You Shall Receive

Peter asks:

Do you watch much TV? What is your favorite TV show?

Yes, I watch a ton of TV. Most of it is mindless crap, because TV is escapism at its finest to me. My favorite show is definitely Mad Men on AMC. It’s the best show on TV, by far. So, what else is in my DVR queue? The Rachel Maddow Show (love her), The L Word, America’s Next Top Model, Top Chef, Top Design, Project Runway, Real World/Road Rules Challenges, The Soup, CSI, Baseball Tonight.

Sexually what is one thing that turns you on more than anything else?

Well, there are lots of things that turn me on, and it varies depending on my mood. But the one thing that never fails to make me wet is giving head. I absolutely LOVE sucking dick. Face fucking is a plus. I love making someone else feel good, and again as someone who is submissive, I like that I am servicing him and it’s about his pleasure and not mine.

Shonda asks:

What/Who motivates you?

This is a tough one! And I’m not sure that I can fully answer it. I’m motivated by my desire to pretty much be a complete hedonist when it comes to the way that I live my life. I am entering a field that won’t make me very much money, but will allow me to do something that I love. I dress and act the way that I want to without regard for how other people perceive me, because it’s what makes me happy.

I’m motivated by the desire to “be the change that I want to see in this world.” Part of the reason that I am so unabashedly and vocally passionate about things such as sex education, sex and sexuality, LGBTQ issues, feminism, and gender study is because these are the things that need advocates. These are the things that drive me, and they are things that still have a long way to go in our society. They are things that we all still have a lot to learn about. And if no one sticks their neck out, if no one ever says anything about these things, then nothing will change. Silence never got us anywhere, and if I can open even one person’s eyes to a new, more accepting and open way of thinking, then I have done what I set out to do: Make a difference and change the world, even if its in the smallest possible way.

Caplyst asks:

Have you ever had a threesome with Thunder and one of his friends? What are your feelings if a bf, or friend with benefits, wanted you to fuck a friend of his? Would the submissive in you force you to give into to his request?

I have never had a threesome with Thundercock, but I have had many, many threesomes over the years. I guess, and I’m honestly surprised about this, that I have never formally addressed my feelings about non-monogamy on this blog, so here we go. I am non-monogamous in my relationships. What that doesn’t mean is that I (or my partner) goes out and fucks whoever we want. What it does mean is that we fuck other people together. I find it to be a really big turn on to watch my partner with someone else. I love watching my partner be pleasured, and I don’t get jealous at all, because I am there the whole time. Even if I’m just watching, I am still present and sharing in the experience.

For me, bringing other people into the bedroom with me and my partner is something that we can share together and it really does become a bonding experience for us. Granted, not every guy can handle it. It takes a certain kind of person to be able to deal with sharing their partner, but its something that I am very forthcoming about from day one of getting involved with people. Also, it eliminates a lot of the cheating factor. It is human nature to have wandering eyes and I don’t believe that it is natural to remain physically monogamous (emotionally monogamous, yes) to one person for your entire life. If my partner wants to fuck someone else, awesome, let’s do it together. That way, the urges are satisfied in a way that didn’t bring on the demise of our relationship.

I guess it’s more swinging than non-monogamy, but a rose by any other name would smell as sweet, so I digress. Threesomes, group sex, orgies? Yes, yes, and yes.

Deiter asks (some questions that required quite a lot of thought and consideration!):

You claim the label “submissive”. While there are no rigid definitions of submission, some BDSM lifestyle educators have postulated that there are 9 levels of submission. Here is a good resource for how each is defined. Within this paradigm, how would you more specifically describe yourself? What events, in your experience, have revealed this to yourself as part of your identity?

I am somewhere between number 4 and number 5, the “true submissive non-slave” and the “true submissive play slave.” I fail to classify myself fully as either one because there are times when I fall into one category and times that I fall into the other. Some times I get off on just being submissive but sometimes it is the act of pleasing the dominant partner that gets me off. It depends on my mood, and on my partner.

In that same vain, many claim to be “kinky dominants”. Personally, I think all too many make this claim because they like to be in control of a love making session. But in the BDSM lifestyle sense of the term, there are certain implications to that role. Again I’ll refer you to this, which posses this question in a very illuminating way. Today you posted about “Thundercock”, describing his reluctance to dominate you. Can someone like him be considered a “dominant”, unlike the lawyer who dominated you so beautifully?

I can’t honestly answer the question as to whether or not Thundercock can be considered a true dominant because we have never attempted any D/s play between the two of us. He has always been aggressive and take control in bed with me, and I could easily see him dominating someone in a sexual situation. But just like my submissive tendencies ebb and flow depending on my partner, I can imagine that someone’s dominant tendencies could do the same thing. Your partner plays a huge part in the way you act and respond to things. But from the sexual experiences that the two of us have had together, I could most definitely see him being very dominant, whether it is with me or with someone else.

As a feminist, do you consider pornography to be degrading to women? What about erotic fine art? Where does the line exist between art and pornography? Is it in the eye of the beholder?

Is some porn degrading to women? Yes. Does it bother me? Honestly, no. I just choose not to watch it. And while some of that mainstream porn perpetuates a type of sex that most women do not enjoy and are not capable of having, I would hope that the majority of men are smart and mature enough to understand that porn sex and real sex are two different things.

As a feminist, how do I feel about porn? I am pro-porn, but really support sex positive, feminist, and much of the queer porn. When people look like normal people, having real sex, and truly enjoying themselves, I’m all for it. Also, feminism is about choice, and if someone chooses to make porn, I believe that it is essentially a feminist act. They took control of their body, their decision, and their life and made the decision they wanted. That is feminism, to me, personified.

Is erotic fine art degrading to women? No. It is beautiful. As for where the line exists between art and pornography, I can’t really answer that question because I am sure that some people, and especially the people making the pornographic material, find their work to be art. I think it is in the eye of the beholder and is a very subjective thing.

I have also written more about my feelings on porn and feminism and my struggle to merge the two in my mind here.

April asks:

Do you have a Boston accent?

Damian asks:

Do you sound like Jeanine Garofalo?

No and no. The only thing that I picked up in Boston is the word “wicked” and the pronunciation of “room” as “rum.” South Floridian, born and bred, so I actually have (what I would consider to be) no accent whatsoever.

And Damian, I actually sound like a 12-year-old girl. I sound very young and very innocent. Completely opposite of my writing voice, I know.

Anonymous asks:
I am European and when I moved here I saw that almost everyone is circumcised, including your Thundercock. So after few years here, I decided I needed to have that thing done as well. I had my cock circumcised last year, and I am over 30 years old. I was wondering if women have any preferences, I mean, I have seen different reactions and I must say that I kept it clean before. You had a post once but thought you may have something more to say.

The post you are referring to is here. Some women have preferences, of course. Most I speak to do not. And the ones (for the most part) that I find do prefer circumcised penii do so simply because they don’t have much experience with uncircumcised ones. It’s simply ignorance and lack of exposure that creates that preference. Do I have a preference? Absolutely not. I feel like the foreskin is there for a reason, and I am all for naturalness and people loving and accepting their bodies the way they are. It is in no way a deal breaker for me.

I actually have some questions for you! How was the circumcision process, especially since you chose to do it at an age where you were fully aware of the pain and of the recovery process? Are you happy with your decision? Does sex feel different for you now, and if yes, is the difference better or worse? Would you do it all over again if you had to make the same choice a second time? Sorry, but I am fascinated and would absolutely love to know how the experience was for you! It’s not often you find someone who has experienced both sides of the coin.