Category Archives: Depression

Something. Anything. Nothing.

I brush my teeth too hard, intentionally drawing blood. I gag myself while brushing my tongue. Anything to feel something. Something to feel anything. The water in the shower is way too hot. It scalds me, turning my skin bright red. I don’t turn it down. Anything to feel something. Something to feel anything. I [...]
Also posted in BDSM, Self Medication, Soul Searching | 4 Comments

Medication Diaries: Entry 2

Entry 1 is here. I met with a psychiatrist, who was uber helpful. We talked about how I’d been feeling, what meds I had been on and the complaints I’d had about them, and what my concerns were. I told her that the Lexapro had made me fatigued to the point that I was non-functional, [...]
Also posted in Medication Diaries, Psychobabble | 11 Comments

Medication Diaries: Entry 1

A lot of people have asked me questions about my medications and what I’m on. I have no problem being transparent about my mental illness, because there’s a stigma around it and the only way to break it down is to talk about it and normalize it. It’s the same reason I’m so open about [...]
Also posted in Medication Diaries, Psychobabble | 16 Comments

Another Step Forward

About three months ago, I began taking antidepressants. It was a huge step for me, because it’s one that I’d been avoiding taking for years. Deciding to finally help myself was a Very Big Deal. However, not all medications work for all people. The one I was on was not the right one for me. [...]
Also posted in Psychobabble, Soul Searching | 10 Comments

Up and Go

I’m falling into that black hole again. The one that I always seem to end up back in, just when I think I’m almost out. I feel like a shell of a person and my chest feels like an empty, hollow cavity with nothing inside it. I haven’t left my room for days. I’m sinking. [...]
Also posted in Soul Searching | 6 Comments

The Places You Have Come to Fear the Most

Buried deep as you can dig inside yourself And covered with a perfect shell Such a charming, beautiful exterior Laced with brilliant smiles and shining eyes Perfect posture, but you’re barely scraping by But you’re barely scraping by This is one time, this is one time That you can’t fake it hard enough to please [...]
Also posted in Soul Searching | 1 Comment


“Polishing my social skills with one more drink and two more pills. I do not feel good; I thought by now I would.” -The Spill Canvas, Battles I feel like it wouldn’t be right to write another post without addressing the brouhaha that took place in the comments section of this post, not by directly [...]
Also posted in Psychobabble, Self Medication, Soul Searching | 34 Comments

All of Me

I have the best Master/Daddy/boyfriend in the world. I’m not an easy person to be with, and I know that. I suffer from depression, and it comes and goes often. I actually think it’s more like dysthymia, which is worse, because that means it never really goes away. And that makes being with me really, [...]
Also posted in Relationships, Soul Searching, Submission | Tagged | 15 Comments

Set Back

I’ve been doing really well. In fact, I’ve been happier and healthier than I’ve been in a really long time. I’m not really sure what happened tonight, but I broke. I broke for the first time in a long time. And it was kind of like breaking a dam. It’s flooding tears nonstop. I don’t [...]
Also posted in Soul Searching | 5 Comments


I’m in a very weird place right now. I’m horribly lonely. I’m crying a lot. I’m sick of sleeping alone. I’m fairly depressed and sad most of the time. I feel utterly and totally alone. I’m craving human bonding and connection. Yet at the same time, I’m withdrawing from people. I keep my chat function [...]
Also posted in Soul Searching | 7 Comments
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