Up and Go

I’m falling into that black hole again. The one that I always seem to end up back in, just when I think I’m almost out. I feel like a shell of a person and my chest feels like an empty, hollow cavity with nothing inside it. I haven’t left my room for days. I’m sinking.

I have this overwhelming desire to go. I don’t care where. I don’t care when. I just want to get in my car and drive to nowhere and anywhere and everywhere. I want to hole up in a hotel on the beach for a bit. I want to find a new city and disappear in it for a while. I’m looking for jobs anywhere but here right now. I don’t know if it’s really fleeing or escaping, though. This feels like going towards something, though I don’t know what. Because in all honestly, I don’t know what I want. I just know I don’t want whatever it is that I have now.

I just know that I can’t do this anymore. I can’t live like this. Something has to change.

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  1. twgNo Gravatar
    Posted May 25, 2010 at 12:16 pm | Permalink

    I get that urge sometimes, too, to be anonymous and have no ties. To find a new city.

    So, y’know, I commiserate.

  2. GhouldilocksNo Gravatar
    Posted May 25, 2010 at 2:39 pm | Permalink

    I get like this a lot too… but I don’t have a car or any money so it’s like being trapped.

    Actually, it’s exactly like being trapped.

  3. EpiphoraNo Gravatar
    Posted May 25, 2010 at 10:58 pm | Permalink

    Come live in my city, plz.

  4. alanaNo Gravatar
    Posted May 26, 2010 at 1:26 am | Permalink

    We’re all trapped in some way I think. But then I remember to breath and realize that even though our choices can cage us in, they can also set us free.

    Man that was cheesy.

  5. SamanthaNo Gravatar
    Posted May 27, 2010 at 12:30 am | Permalink

    I think one of the best things is posting or physically writing down these thoughts…sometimes even the act of really voicing “hey, this sucks…i want this” helps to relieve stress.

    I’m at a place in my life where I wish I had the funds to run away and live at the beach/somewhere else for a few months- just got my bachelor’s in psych, and have no clue what to do now. If I want to make money, I should at least get my Master’s…but after 4 years of school it’s the last thing I want to think about, and so I’m taking my time this summer to just relax and figure out this thing called life. It kinda sucks. But…I know that eventually there will be a “break-through” and things will work out. And that’s important to keep in mind, I think.

    You seem like too awesome of a person to be in this funk…your wardrobe and amazing fashion alone makes me envious of you =) I suppose I can only tell you to be mindful of the positive things in your life, physically put out your emotions, and know that in this world wide web and in your real life, there are plenty of people willing to hear you out and who will be there for you.

One Trackback

  1. By Another Step Forward on May 27, 2010 at 7:19 am

    [...] my fingers crossed that this is the right medication for me, and that I can begin to crawl back out of the hole that I’m currently in, because I can’t cry or hurt anymore. I can’t stay holed up [...]

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