Sexy: For His Pleasure!

It’s no surprise that Cosmo is a piece of shit. I mean, really. We know it’s misleading and ridiculous. But because I am a masochist and enjoy *headdesk*ing, I was compelled to visit their website. The first article that pops up? “20 Dresses Guys Want You To Wear This Spring.” Not “20 Dresses to Make You Feel Good About Yourself” or “20 Dresses That You’ll Love!” Not even “20 Dresses to Make You Look Thinner!” No, because clearly, the only thing that matters is whether dudes think you look hot in that dress. Women would never dress for themselves! They only dress for men. Duh.

The article is even accompanied by helpful quotes from men about why they like each of these dresses. I’m pretty convinced that they attended a frat party and interviewed all the men in attendance. For instance, Brad is a 20-year-old male that likes a “patriotic” (read: red, white, and blue) dress. He says [sic], “It makes me think ‘Let’s get together and see if we can make some fireworks explode.’” Charming. I know who I’m going to be spending my Fourth of July with!

Other lovely quotes from these men include:

“This dress will make her boobs look amazing.” -— David, 23

Classy. Also, subtle.

“I like the zipper. It makes me want to unzip the dress and see what’s underneath.” — Mario, 22

Of course it does, Mario.

“The design will make her boobs look bigger.” — Adrian, 19

Yes, because bigger is always better.

“The color is fantastic and the cut of the dress really shows off her body.”

Which should always be your goal, ladies. Show off your body. It’s just an added bonus that the color makes your eyes look nice. Not that he’s going to be looking at your eyes, anyway, what with your body looking so smoking and all.

“It gives her that hourglass shape that every guy loves while showing lots of leg. What else could I ask for?” — James, 27

Again, the shape that every GUY loves. AND lots of leg! It’s like a 2-4-1 deal! And of course, what more could HE ask for? Because everything you do and wear is FOR HIM.

“It’s happy and innocent but still sexy. I feel like only really hot girls would wear this dress.” — Chandler, 29

Good to know that you can tell what a girl will look like based on the dress she’s wearing. Apparently this one is an “ugly” girl repellant.

“Anything that makes a girl look like she raided my closet and tried to make something fit — but doesn’t plan on wearing it for long — is good in my book!” — Andy, 33

Of course, Andy had to add in the part about her not wearing it for long. Because HE PREFERS YOU NAKED. SHHH! DON’T TELL. THIS POST IS SUPPOSED TO BE ABOUT DRESSES.

“It’s simple and inviting. I wouldn’t want other guys to see her in it.” —Thom, 29

Well, Thom, isn’t that possessive romantic.

Does anyone else see a theme to these quotes provided by the lovely sampling of men that Cosmo chose to include? I’m not necessarily faulting the men here for being so… shallow, but moreso Cosmo for the message they’re sending by choosing to highlight these reasons for men to like these dresses. It’s about showing off your body so that men can enjoy it. Don’t wear the dress because it makes you feel good. Don’t wear the dress because you think it’s pretty. Wear the dress because that dude will think it makes your tits look great.

It shouldn’t be about dressing for him. It should be about dressing for you, and making yourself feel good, sexy, confident, and comfortable in your clothes. Because when you feel those things, you act like those things, and THAT’S what’s ultimately going to get the attention of the man/woman/person that you see across the bar/grocery store/park.

We need to stop telling women that our main goal in life should be to please TEH MENZ, and instead send the message that our main goal should be to please OURSELVES.

Up next: “20 Shoes That Will Get His Attention” and “What Guys Think of Your Hair and Makeup!” Because I’m sure you’re dying to know (and he actually cares).

This entry was posted in Caterwauling About The Patriarchy, Griping and Kvetching and Bitching, Mag Mocking, Rape Culture, Standards of Beauty. Bookmark the permalink. Post a comment or leave a trackback: Trackback URL.


  1. MargaretNo Gravatar
    Posted April 28, 2010 at 12:19 am | Permalink

    I thought we weren’t supposed to be dressing in a way that showed off our bodies. Isn’t that just encouraging the men to rape us? Isn’t that just “asking for trouble”? Are they going to listen to us when we say no if we are dressing in a way that pleases them? Are they going to be able to stop themselves if they just want to unzip the dress, or make sure we aren’t wearing it long – if we say no?

    I can’t wear jeans, because that shows off my legs and the guys can’t help themselves. But I’m supposed to wear a dress that he likes?

    Fuck that.


  2. EpiphoraNo Gravatar
    Posted April 28, 2010 at 3:04 am | Permalink

    I wanna date Thom.

  3. NelfyNo Gravatar
    Posted April 28, 2010 at 6:24 am | Permalink

    Wait, what?? Since when do guys care what dresses women wear??? I thought as long as you show as much skin as humanly possible, they are happy?!?! This is so completely ridiculous, most guys probably couldn’t even tell you what the last girl they f*cked wore before they f*cked her.

    I don’t get why the main motivation for women to do basically ANYTHING is supposed to be about guys. Can’t a woman just be a whole, happy person doing what she wants, what she feels comfortable with and what she likes, without giving even a fleeting thought to guys. Most of the time, I’m not aware of how heterocentric and guy-centric (what’s the word for that?) the world is, because I prefer to surround myself with women and mostly lesbians. But I get super-aware of it when guys get offened because I take charge and I’m assertive and I don’t let a guy tell me what to do just because he’s a guy.

    I was going to write a super-long comment, but then decided to put it on my blog, since it’s not directly related to your post. So feel free to read it there, otherwise you got the gist of my opinion.

    BTW, I love your sarcasm! Made me sniker, despite the topic.

  4. BlowJoyNo Gravatar
    Posted April 28, 2010 at 9:53 am | Permalink

    I could never date someone who spells their name like that.

  5. twgNo Gravatar
    Posted April 28, 2010 at 11:34 am | Permalink

    Also, most of these dresses will probably cause Earthquakes. THINK OF THE CHILDREN!

  6. jacquieNo Gravatar
    Posted April 28, 2010 at 12:10 pm | Permalink

    first mistake: reading a magazine masquerading as a magazine for adults. everyone knows cosmo is really for 12 year old girls who don’t yet know about the male g spot. it must be, since they discuss it in EVERY issue.

    not that it’s not disgusting, sexist, weird, etc. just sayin’, you aren’t exactly their target audience.

  7. alanaNo Gravatar
    Posted April 28, 2010 at 2:27 pm | Permalink

    I really love the comment, ““It’s happy and innocent but still sexy. I feel like only really hot girls would wear this dress.” Like, not only would hot girls wear it, but innocent type hot girls. Can’t have those hot girls using their hot girl status to be sluts now can we?

    It took me far too long to give up the habit of buying cosmo. It was like part of me didn’t want to give up hope it would turn into something less resembling shit. Thanks you Food Network Magazine for helping me overcome my stupidity.

  8. Nell GwynneNo Gravatar
    Posted April 28, 2010 at 6:14 pm | Permalink

    I’ll piggyback onto what Margaret said. I think the difference between “dressing like a slut and asking for it” and “dressing hot for your man” is that, if a woman decides that she wants to wear something sexy on her own, she is OBVIOUSLY doing so in order to get a man, and thus is asking for any advances.

    And when a woman is in a relationship with a man, she has to dress sexily in order to please him, or otherwise the guy will just leave and find someone sexier.


    Oh, this bruise? I got it from banging my head on the desk repeatedly.

  9. MaryBullstonecraftNo Gravatar
    Posted April 29, 2010 at 12:25 pm | Permalink

    My favorite is: “I feel like only really hot girls would wear this dress.” ‘Chandler’ (this has to be a fake name, right?) wants to see you in this dress because he figures that you’re in this dress, you’re probably a hot girl. And he likes seeing hot girls.

    Thanks Cosmo, I feel so informed.

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