Hi, My Name Is Britni, And I Come Buckets

After yesterday’s bruhaha, I started thinking. No, I don’t think I overreacted to the post in question at all. But I definitely had a very strong reaction to it, and there’s a reason for that. I’ve been meaning to write about my relationship with, and evolution of, squirting for some time, and I think that the EW GROSS SQUIRTING post presented me with the perfect opportunity to do so. The rest of this week will be Squirting Week here on the Shameless blog, starting today, and continuing with an HNT dedicated to the wonders of my squirting vagina, a review of Liberator’s Fascinator Throe, and some words from Profligacy on why He loves it when I soak the bed, His entire body, and my entire body with my ejaculate. And maybe a mention or two of Njoy’s Pure Wand…

Hi, my name is Britni, and I am a squirter (Hi, Britni!). Yes, that’s right, I squirt. Gush. Ejaculate. Come buckets. And you know what? I love it. I think it’s one of the coolest things ever, and I wish that everyone could experience it at least once so that they, too, could share in the joys of being one helluva female ejaculator. But I didn’t always feel this way. In fact, I used to think that squirting was a curse and not a blessing. I was filled with shame and embarrassment, and would hold back my orgasms when I was with partners so that they would never find out the truth about me, about the secret that I guarded so closely. That I was, indeed, one of those. I was petrified that they would find out that I was a squirter and never want to have sex with me again.
I had always gotten very wet, which was definitely a source of shame and embarrassment for me. I was a teenager and had little to no sex ed beyond what they teach you in school. I would get absolutely dripping wet when fooling around with my boyfriends, and I would be mortified. I *knew* that they noticed, but thought they were being nice by not mentioning anything, for fear of making me feel bad. Then I met My First, and he gave me my first orgasm, via fingering. My First, though not very experienced, either had some hella good porn, friends, or intuition, because he’s still one of the best at getting me off that I’ve ever been with almost 10 years (and way too many partners to count) later. Whenever he would finger me, he’d do that magic thing with his two fingers, that “come hither” motion, and I’d leave an actual puddle in the cupped palm of his hand. It was more of a gushing than anything else, but I was pretty embarrassed, though he reassured me that it was perfectly awesome. I never knew that female ejaculation was possible, and that he was hitting exactly that right spot to trigger it.
Then one day, I was riding him and I started coming really hard. There was all kinds of liquid mess between our crotches, and some of it straight out SQUIRTED and hit dude in the face. IN. THE. FACE. I asked, “Was that you?” “No, that was *you.*” ME? I was horrified. Mortified. I climbed off him apologizing profusely, swearing that I had no idea what had happened. Did I pee on him? I was so embarrassed that I was crying. He was totally cool about the whole thing. It was me that was so freaked out. Was that normal? It couldn’t be normal. I’d never heard of liquid shooting far enough out of a vagina to HIT SOMEONE IN THE FACE. From them on, whenever I got close to coming, I would hold back a little, just to ensure that that would never happen again. I continued to be a veryveryvery lubricated lady, but couldn’t just let go in The Moment.
When I got to college, one of the first guys I dated was The Virgin. It was after him that my “no virgins” rule went into effect, and it wasn’t even because of the anecdote I’m about to share (but that, my friends, is a story for another day). We were making out in my bed one night, him laying on his back, and myself naked and hovering above him. I was really, really wet, and some of my lubrication dripped out of my cunt and onto his stomach. He FREAKED. “Ew!” Again, I was mortified. I was so, so embarrassed, and apologized over and over. From then on, I apologized to every guy I was with, warning them with a, “I get really wet,” so that they could run if they wished, or so they couldn’t shame me for it, since I’d already done it myself. Many guys reacted very enthusiastically and most assured me that my wetness was, indeed, a Very Good Thing, but I still couldn’t fully let go and get wet. I even stopped getting as wet as I used to, and I wouldn’t let guys go down on me. What if it got all over their face? How EMBARRASSING!

And then, last year, I got my Pure Wand. I *loved* fucking myself with it and it produced a similar feeling to that amazing one that I remembered from all those years before. I knew about squirting, since I was *quite* educated about sex at that point, though I was still worried about getting too wet with partners. However, by myself, I was able to explore what my body could really do without having to worry about anyone else seeing it or being grossed out by it. And I discovered that I was, indeed, a squirter. And it felt pretty fucking good. When Profligacy and I began playing on Skype, He knew that I was a squirter, and He’d seen how freaking wet I got. I showed Him my toys one day, telling Him a little about each one, and His eyes lit up when I got to the Pure Wand. “That one. Fuck yourself with that one.”
Watching His reaction to my gushing and squirting and practically pissing buckets of cum was one of the most validating experiences of my life. He LOVED it. He was enthralled. And the more comfortable I got with Him, the more I was able to let go and just *come.* I was not just gushing anymore, I was *squirting* streams of fluid that would hit my feet, my tits, and my computer. I also began to figure out exactly where my g-spot was, which kegel muscles to flex when I wanted to gush, and how to position the toy. He has me trained to come on His command, and I began to be able to squirt with His command. I gained such control over it that He could tell me to gush while I was just rubbing my clit with my fingers and I could.
I can now squirt almost any time He tells me to. I gush on His cock, on my toys, on my bed, on His face. He loves using my Pure Wand to milk my cunt dry of all it’s fluid. He absolutely loves what my body can do, and I love it now, too. Sure, it’s messy. But for the first time in my life, I feel sexy, beautiful, and proud of my body and all of the amazing things that it produces and all the magic tricks it can perform. Not everybody can squirt, and that’s okay. But I *can,* and I’ll be damned if anyone ever makes me feel ashamed of that again.
Hi, my name is Britni, and I can motherfucking SQUIRT.
Photo sources.
  • Share/Bookmark
This entry was posted in Sexcapades, Sexuality, Soul Searching, Wanking and tagged . Bookmark the permalink. Post a comment or leave a trackback: Trackback URL.


  1. pandementia
    Posted November 24, 2009 at 11:50 pm | Permalink

    Hi, Britni! Welcome to the club! There are cookies and coffee at the back, and Liberator Throes on the floor! ;)
    Squirting, though it doesn't make us superior than non-squirters (which I've never heard ANY squirters assert, though some of the commenters on the other squirting post claimed we had), is amazing and I'm so glad that I do it and that I've always been with partners who loved it, too! :-D

  2. Molly Ren
    Posted November 24, 2009 at 11:56 pm | Permalink

    This post has convinced me that a person can be ashamed of almost anything. You've been ashamed of getting Too Wet, and I'm ashamed of being Too Dry (I also usually need a bucket, but for the lube.) Part of me's a tiny bit jealous… but since we've both shared the same feeling, I also feel liberated. Shame in the bedroom, to my mind, is becoming an increasingly useless emotion.

    Besides, I can lick my own nipples. My body can do tricks too! ;)

  3. AlwaysArousedGirl
    Posted November 24, 2009 at 11:58 pm | Permalink

    Awesome. I hope someone ashamed of her own wetness ends up here, reading this post, and realizes it nothing to be hung up on.

    Go You Squirters!


    Go You Non-Squirters!

  4. theybelongtous
    Posted November 25, 2009 at 12:00 am | Permalink

    You are motherfucking awesome.

    That is all.


  5. Britni TheVadgeWig
    Posted November 25, 2009 at 12:03 am | Permalink

    pandadementia, Yes, non-squirters rock just as much. I love all vaginas!

    Molly Ren, I *cannot* suck my own nipples. Therefore, you totally win in that competition. And thank you for sharing! I'm sure you're absolutely perfect :)

  6. Sexy Sixty
    Posted November 25, 2009 at 12:07 am | Permalink

    All of this talk of squirting has me so damned curious. I just must see it sometime (hopefully with my face as the target).

  7. dragonmage
    Posted November 25, 2009 at 12:26 am | Permalink

    I've seen your nick around twitter for a bit but never stopped by to look. I'm glad I did this time.
    I do believe I've found another blog to add to my RSS reader (and not just because of the HNT pic you mentioned for this week.)

  8. alana
    Posted November 25, 2009 at 1:13 am | Permalink

    The funny thing is – I’m not a squirter and I’ve never even really thought about it for more than a passing moment, but that post yesterday made me want to scream and make t-shirts or something. It’s just like we keep finding new ways to make women feel shitty about their bodies. It’s such bullshit.

    So woohoo for natural vagina functions!

  9. elsiewrites
    Posted November 25, 2009 at 4:59 am | Permalink

    Britni, you absolutely fucking rock!

  10. The Niftian
    Posted November 25, 2009 at 5:30 am | Permalink

    I will say this: squirters ROCK! I was once involved with a woman who was a massive ejaculator and it rocked my socks when she came all over my face and body. She told me how she, like yourself, grew up very ashamed of her gift. I hope that through our experiences with one another, she learned to appreciate her body and the wonderful thing(s) it could do. Tis a shame we lived too far away from each other for me to enjoy that more often…

    I followed your blog and plan on reading more and more. Keep it going!

  11. Hubman
    Posted November 25, 2009 at 7:20 am | Permalink

    All pussy, whether 'capable' of squirting or not, is awesome! Why a guy would say "eww" to a very wet pussy, much less one that squirts, is beyond me. (And please forgive me for speaking of a pussy as if it's detached from the woman!)

  12. Another Suburban Mom
    Posted November 25, 2009 at 7:21 am | Permalink

    I think the squirting is awesome! One day I hope to be able to do that.

    I am also a moist girl and used to be embarrassed about it, but not anymore.

  13. Sa
    Posted November 25, 2009 at 9:49 am | Permalink

    Congratulations Britni! I read your comments on the site and as usual I was impressed with your tone, since you made your points in an articulate but non-aggressive way. You are amazing. :)

  14. Topaz
    Posted November 25, 2009 at 10:32 am | Permalink

    I admire women who can exert that much control over their muscles and their ability to cum. I believe that anyone (woman or man) who can't embrace their body's abilities will never truly enjoy sex and will always be plagued with shame. Keep writing for those who may need to need that one last push to accept the wonders of their bodies.

  15. Another One
    Posted November 25, 2009 at 11:45 am | Permalink

    Drives me insane to hear stories like this. Why? Because it's such a shame that we live in a society that preaches natural sexual responses are somehow shamefull! That you had to feel shame, embarrasment, and generally being freaked out when having orgasms is sad.

    I am very happy that you've reached the point in your life where you not only embrace it, but enjoy it thoroughly.

  16. Sexy Sixty
    Posted November 25, 2009 at 1:00 pm | Permalink

    Does anyone recall the episode of Californication on Showtime when Hank and his agent Charlie are having a threeway with a woman. The agent is down having a nice feast when Hank recalls that she is a squirter, just as she let loose all of sudden all over Charlie's face. It was a classic!

    Episode 3: The Whore of Babylon

  17. Roaring Lion of Two Fisted Cool
    Posted November 25, 2009 at 2:06 pm | Permalink

    Not that I'm that concerned about it, but I've always felt that guys should LOVE women who squirt if for no ther reason then it's undeniable proof she ain't faking to make your tool ass feel better. But, in general, I've never understood awkwardness about one's body during srx. Maybe it's cause I've never had 'casual' sex, but by the time I got naked with a woman, I was pretty sure that is was exactly what both of us wanted and short of teeth down there not much was gonna turn me off. People who get hung up on too small too big too hairy too wet too bent too 'what's that weird purple lump?' too whatever…just really are missing something in the experience I think. Too focused on the act and not the experienceor something.

  18. Wilhelmina
    Posted November 25, 2009 at 2:42 pm | Permalink

    :) this is an awesome post!

    after reading this i really, really want a girl to squirt on me. at least once in my life. i *must* experience it.

    i can't squirt, and – surprise surprise – i don't feel any "threat" or compulsion to start trying to learn how to squirt after reading this post. squirting sounds hot, but i'm perfectly happy the way i am too :)

  19. Jormengrund
    Posted November 25, 2009 at 3:49 pm | Permalink

    I've never understood the fascination or revulsion about squirting.

    I mean, guys who are turned off by this should really look in a mirror.

    Um, hello? Fellas? You, by nature, are squirters, and you expect the female to be accepting of this.. Can't the door swing both ways?

    Girls: Don't feel ashamed if you can or can't. I mean, as a sec kitten you've already got the tools to make the men drool and crawl on the floor. Adding to your repetoire the ability to squirt, or lick nipples, or even shoot ping-pong balls outta the cooch is just icing on the freaking cake!

    Enjoy yourself, enjoy your body, and don't let someone else define for you what is sexy. Define it for yourself.

  20. blueeyedtawni
    Posted November 25, 2009 at 5:36 pm | Permalink

    squirters are us :D
    awesome post!!!

  21. La Roo
    Posted November 25, 2009 at 6:51 pm | Permalink

    I'm glad you talked about this, because I am a squirter sometimes and I feel embarrassed about it. Not sure why I am. My hubby says not to be and that it's beautiful. I guess I was afraid it was gross or not normal. I didn't want to tun him off. Thank you for sharing, I feel much better and from now on I'm just going to go with it and enjoy.

  22. longingsend
    Posted November 25, 2009 at 6:54 pm | Permalink

    It's such a shame how past relationships can really fuck up one's sexuality. I too have my own hang ups. This is a fantastic post. I hope to one day master the art of squirting. I'm quite surprised sometimes that I am not squirting with some of my amazingly intense orgasms. I'll be working on it. ;)

    xo mina

  23. Realiti
    Posted November 25, 2009 at 9:30 pm | Permalink

    That's fucking awesome!! I'm gonna practice!!

  24. April
    Posted November 25, 2009 at 10:11 pm | Permalink

    I cannot make myself squirt with the Pure Wand. If there's something special I need to do or something, please email me and let me know. I REALLY want to squirt. Not because of porn, but because I'd like to feel an orgasm like that.

2 Trackbacks

  1. By Review: njoy Pure Wand « Heartbreak Nymphomania on February 27, 2010 at 5:35 am

    [...] admiring and feeling the weight. I have to admit, after hearing about the Pure Wand making women squirt, I worried a little about whether the Pure Wand would "work" on me or not. What if it [...]

  2. By How to Guarantee That I Will Never Sleep With You Again on September 6, 2010 at 11:35 pm

    [...] There will now definitely be no “next time.” And people wonder why I was so insecure about it for so [...]

Post a Reply to Another Suburban Mom

Your email is never published nor shared. Required fields are marked *


You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

Subscribe without commenting

  • This site contains adult content and is not intended for anyone under the age of 18. Under 18? Click here:


  • Britni TheVadgeWig

    PhotobucketI'm Britni, a snarky bitch and generally awesome person. I write about sex, love, and bullshit. If sex-positivity, discussions about BDSM and kink, queer issues, and topics that are completely inappropriate by society's standards make you uncomfortable, then this blog is not for you.
    Photobucket Photobucket
  • Because I Am a Shameless, Broke-Ass Bitch

    All donations are welcome, of course! You can always buy me something off my wishlist, as well.

  • Get Yourself Off

    Good Vibes PinkCherry Sex Toys Love yourself. Everyday. Tickle. Photobucket ER-150x250-1a_3 / JT's Stockroom
  • Photobucket
  • See My Writing At

    Photobucket Photobucket
  • Watch Them Get Off

    visit ifeelmyself.com Photobucket visit beautifulagony.com
  • The What

  • The Who

  • Go Back In Time