Dead On

While I’m off working and having a life boyfriend, I wanted to at least share something superawesome with you. Courtesy of Holly over at Pervocracy (that I’m hoping to finally be able to meet for drinks once she’s done having mono!), The People You Meet When You Write About Rape:

Mr. What About The Men
“The real problem here is all these false rape accusations that are destroying our society! 90 million men are falsely accused of rape every second! A woman just has to sort of mumble a word starting with ‘r’ and a man instantly gets a life sentence! There are no instances on record of a woman actually being raped!”

Ms. Tough Girl
“If women would learn martial arts–70-year-olds and women with disabilities can do this if they put their minds to it, darnit–and carry weapons everywhere, no one would ever get raped! All you have to do is be ready to threaten your own friends and lovers with lethal force at any moment, any anyone who can’t do that must be weak or something.”

Mr. Model Victims Only Please
“The victim was no angel herself. If you look at her record, she’s been arrested several times, she’s a single mother, and she’s living on welfare. So it’s not like she was some innocent little virgin beforehand. None of this makes it right, but I’m just saying, let’s not overreact like a good woman got ruined.”

Ms. Fashion Police
“Did you hear what she was wearing? I’m sorry but that’s just not common sense. If you go out looking like a piece of meat, you have to expect you’ll get treated like a piece of meat.”

Mr. I’m Not Blaming Her But It’s Her Fault
“Rape is never the victim’s fault, of course. But I just want people to admit that she has some responsibility. That she maybe played a part in it. That in an alternate universe where she’d done things differently and she lived in a steel Battlemech wearing a chastity belt, she wouldn’t have gotten raped, and she did make the choice to not use a Battlemech. I just need people to acknowledge that.”

Ms. Couples Therapy
“I dunno, seems to me like they both made mistakes. Maybe he just wasn’t reading her signals, or maybe she wasn’t communicating clearly to him. A lot can get caught up in an emotional moment like that and I bet they both feel really bad right now.”

Mr. Offensive And/Or Baffling Metaphor
“Look, if you walk down a dark alley with a wallet stuffed full of money, sure it’s still a crime when you get mugged, but what if the mugger is just trying to feed his family because he was laid off by an evil solicitor and the ghost showed him a lone crutch leaning in the corner?”

“If you put the pieces together, her story just doesn’t wash. She claims that he ripped her pants off, but her pants have a button fly. Ha! And she waited a whole forty minutes after the supposed rape to call the police–who would do that?”

Mr. Troll
“lol bitch deserved it loooollll”

Ms. You Don’t Just Get To Decide Whether You Consent
“She was seen earlier in the night drinking with this guy, talking to him, and even making out with him! And then she went up to his apartment! What did she think would happen? No one ever goes to a guy’s apartment unless they’re consenting to every sex act he could possibly want.”

Mr. How Do I Not Rape Someone It Is So Difficult
“I just don’t understand how to tell if someone is ‘consenting’ or not. What if she secretly decides she doesn’t like it–am I a rapist then? What if she changes her mind midway through? Or afterwards? It’s impossible to know what women want, so how am I supposed to know if they want to have sex with me or not?”

Ms. Traditional Values
“You know, back when women dressed modestly and simply didn’t go out drinking with strangers or going home with people they’d just met, this sort of thing didn’t happen.”

Mr. This Wouldn’t Happen If Women Would Just Fuck Me Already
“This sort of thing is inevitable when women constantly act as gatekeepers and doom beta males to a life of frustration and loneliness. Of course rape is horrible, but the pent-up rage felt by men cast aside just because they weren’t billionaire underwear models has to express itself somehow.”

Ms. Avoid The R-Word
“Wow, that is just not cool. Having sex under those circumstances–I mean, treating a girl like that–you know, being inappropriate with her–is a totally insensitive and downright mean thing to do.”

Standing ovation. And TRUFAX. See how many of these people you can pick out in the comments of the post that mentions their existence!

Comments, as always when I feature someone else’s writing, are closed. Her comments section is pretty bumpin’ already, but please direct any comments her way, anyway.

Posted in Rape Culture | Comments closed

Make the Call

The other night, I was woken up at about 1:30 AM by a couple fighting with each other. It was loud and angry and I listened for a few minutes for sounds of violence before drifting back to sleep. At about 3:00 AM, I was awakened by the same couple, still fighting. The male was yelling loudly and the tone of his voice frightened me. He sounded insane. I heard a a noise that I couldn’t tell the exact nature of, and he kept calling her a “cunt” over and over again. I decided that I needed to call 911. However, because it was across my courtyard, I had no idea what apartment these people were actually in. No clue which floor or even what the building number was. But I knew that I had to at least try to call the cops. At the very least, this was a domestic disturbance that was waking people up. At the most, someone’s life could have been in danger.

I called dispatch and the woman was really great and assured me that they would do what they could to find the apartment. I didn’t hear much more noise, so either the fight ended itself or the cops came. So many people hear things like I heard that night and just shrug it off as a couple having a fight, or think that it’s none of their business and that they have no place to get involved. But by calling 911, you have nothing to lose. The worst that happens is that it was just an argument, and the cops tell them to quiet down. The best that happens is that someone’s life is saved. Don’t neglect to call the cops because you don’t want to get involved; you don’t have to. You can place anonymous calls and no one will ever know who called in the domestic disturbance.

I wouldn’t have felt comfortable if I hadn’t made that call. I don’t know the outcome, but all I know is that I did what I could to possibly help someone that needed it. And you should never hesitate to do the same. As Screaming Violet tweeted at me last night when I first mentioned that I was considering making a 911 call:

“I’d still ring, too many times I’ve wished a neighbour would’ve called the cops when my ex was beating me up.”

There’s always a chance that someone else is hoping the exact same thing.

**Trigger warning for the following video.**

I hadn’t gotten a chance to write something for Domestic Violence Awareness Month, which was this month, so consider this my contribution.

Posted in It Felt Like A Kiss | 6 Comments

Karma’s A Bitch, Bitch

I just found out that my rapist was stabbed this weekend and is in the ICU. SHOCKINGLY, I can’t find it ANYWHERE in me to feel even remotely bad about it or care what happens to him.

Fuck you very much. Karma’s a bitch.

Posted in Rape Culture | Tagged | 10 Comments

My Kinky Self

I’ve sucked at posting lately, and I’ve also not talked much about BDSM in a while. So when Rayne asked me to guest post on her blog defining my kinky self, I thought it would be a good opportunity to both get myself writing and thinking about BDSM again. And so, I’ve defined my kinky self.

Posted in BDSM, Submission | 3 Comments

How My Day Started…

My alarm didn’t go off, so I was late and had to take a cab.

My cab driver hit a chick on a bike, so I had to take a different cab halfway there.

My new cabbie was listening to Rush Limbough, who I listened to read the headline “Gay Porn Star Accused of Killing Three-Legged Dog in Suburban Boca” no less than 6 times.

Pulled up to work to see a client trying to sneak down the fire escape to cop drugs.

How was your morning?

Posted in Awesomeness | 8 Comments


As you can see, my blogging inspiration has been severely lacking lately. Besides not really having much to write about, I’m never home. I come home to sleep, or just run in the door to shower and change and run back out. I’ve been working a lot, and spending a lot of time with Jesus, and spending lots of time with friends, and am generally in a really good place. I’ll try to write more soon. I also have a bunch of reviews coming up, so stay tuned for reviews of the following:

  • Vixen Vixskin Tex
  • Lovemoiselle Aveline
  • Tantus Rascal
  • Tantus Silk Large
  • Vibrating Pleasure Pump
  • Mixgliss Lube Sampler
  • Crash Pad Series 4: Rope Burn

Yeah, that’s a shitton of reviews for you!

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Wardrobe Malfunction: Dotty

I took this picture at work on a Saturday morning. Saturdays are my favorite, as I’m the only senior staff on site and the clients tend to be fairly chill. My office is in the basement, and I get to sit down there alone without interruption and just do my thing. This is a VERY casual outfit for work. But it’s the weekend and the dress code is a little bit more lax (plus, none of the supervisors are there to tell me that my outfit isn’t work-appropriate, anyway). This photo was taken in another, larger office in the building, not in my own.

I am wearing:

  • Purple dress from Urban Outfitters
  • Gray jeans by Buffalohead
  • Gray and white polka dotted cardigan, from Target (I think)
  • Dark gray over-the-knee motorcycle boots, from DSW (I can’t find the brand name, but I freaking love these boots)
  • Teal flowered necklace, origins unknown

Plz to excuse the hair. It is getting cut today, thankfully.

Posted in Wardrobe Malfunction | 5 Comments

May The Force Be With You

And we’re back with another dating site message for the ages.

…., it says we need to match at least 60 % or the message I send you will appear

with a filter warning. Warned you are then, ha-ha.

Good morning, how are you ? Up late I presume, or up rather early you could be.

Tell me, where were you for these past three years, missing this city like you did ?

A mind you have and you speak it. Candid I am, and tell I do like I see it.

The trouble with that is, it does get me in trouble a lot. Perhaps, your and my kind

need only cohort in our own belonging. To this rare and endangered species, the

honest minded and honest tongued.

Funny thing about being offended, I say if one is offended at all, one must not

leave the closed confines of their solitary walls.

Otherwise it is on to merry making ; breathe, eat, drink, talk, laugh, play, flirt,

masturbate and fuck. And then again, some more of this and that.

Joie de Vivre is the motto, would you like to partake in ?

Jesus’ response: “Who the fuck is this guy? Yoda?”

Posted in Make Me A Match | 4 Comments

In and Out

I was out of town and missed posting for National Coming Out Day yesterday, but I wanted to post something anyway, whether it was late or not. I thought that this would be a good time to address a question that ASM asked me at the Calendar Party. She said, “You often mention that you identify as queer, but you always write about relationships with men, and most of your sexual encounters involve men, as well.”

And, as you all know, that’s true. However, it doesn’t make me any less queer (not that ASM was implying that it did). In fact, I tend to think that I fall more on the homo side of the spectrum than the hetero side of the spectrum. However, I tend to default to heterosexual relationships because they’re easier. And I don’t just mean in terms of being out or in a same-sex relationship in society. I honestly have no problem ignoring the hollering and stares and occasional discrimination that I face when I’m out with a female partner.

When I say that it’s “easier,” I mean that I can walk into almost any straight bar and go home with someone. I don’t have trouble getting men. And I *do* like men, so it’s not like I’m pretending I’m something that I’m not. But when I walk into a lesbian bar, I’m always accused of being “the straight girl.” No one ever talks to me. I don’t look “gay enough,” so I must be straight. And if they find out I date men as well as women, then I’ve lost even more of a chance with them, as so many lesbians have been burned by bisexual women that most won’t give us a chance.

There is nothing more frustrating than feeling shunned by your community. I’ve never really identified with the straight community. And while I do like men, I don’t necessarily feel like the heterosexual community is a place that I belong. The queer community is home to me, as being queer is a huge part of my identity, yet I’ve never really felt accepted there. I’m not queer *enough,* even though there really is no such thing. Not only does the community itself speak to me, I like women. A lot. More than men, actually. In fact, if I had to choose to stop sleeping with one gender for the rest of my life, I’d give up cismen without batting an eye.

And yet, because of how difficult it is for me to find acceptance in the queer community, I default to the heterosexual one because I can pass as straight. I default to heterosexual relationships because I do like men, and they seem to like me way more than women do. It’s a weird place to be. Passing for heterosexual is so often seen as a privilege, and 9 times out of 10, it is. But for me, it’s both a privilege and a curse, as my femme-ness alienates me from the community I feel so tied to.

And that’s the long answer to a short question. I’m queer, I’m femme, and I’m loudly and proudly out. But I wish that I was able to be IN, as well as out.

Posted in SGO, Sexuality, Soul Searching | 14 Comments

Sweet Nothings

Jesus: “I want to have a blowout dinner for my birthday. Will you be my date?”

Me: “Fuck no.”

Jesus: “Will you be my bitch?”

Me: “Sure.”

Jesus: “Will you be my cumslut?”

Me: “Absolutely.”

I like that he knows me already.

Posted in Awesomeness | Tagged | 2 Comments
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