Random text from Jesus:
Dear creatures/beings/entities/spiritual forces to whom I give thanks: Thank you for blessing me with a girlfriend who likes to cuddle, make me laugh, has perfect tits and can suck cock like a porn star.
That might be the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me. And it totally made my night, as I sit here in bed watching a My So-Called Life marathon on Hulu and recovering from my insanely severe allergic reaction to medication for which I had to finally go to the hospital. Body-consuming hives for multiple days is not fun, and neither are swollen lips and tongue.
And Jesus has been totally awesome through the whole thing. He rubbed hydracortizone cream all over my ugly, angry hives. He came and met me at the ER last night and sat there with me the whole time, even though the cocktail in my IV put me right to sleep for hours. And I woke up this morning to him having gone and gotten my prescriptions filled and prepared, and lox and a bagel and potato salad for me to eat.
Like I said, my boyfriend is better than yours.