"Not Normal" and "Scandalous"

I came across this article, titled, “Tiger Woods’ Sex Fantasies ‘Not Normal’.” One of Woods’ alleged mistresses gave that statement. So, what, exactly, is “not normal?”

Tiger “likes role-playing, he likes to be the guy in control and wearing a suit while there are girls performing girl-on-girl and guys entertaining guys.”

I don’t know about you guys, but role playing, being in control, and voyeurism sound TOTALLY abnormal to me!

And here, another article, this one called “Scandalous sex tips for wives and lovers.” Scandalous! So, what is so “scandalous” about these tips?

Creative couples will be able to read the stories aloud to one and another and then re-enact their favorite situations. All you need is a little red hoodie to play Riding Hood, you know. Then wonder, “What’s in that basket of goodies?” It is up to your imagination and your wolf’s! [...]

Start with something more risqué than raunchy, more titillating than tawdry, “Sweet Life” by Violet Blue is ideal. Then find a delicious passage and dog-ear the page for your mate. You could even write a little note on the page… “I’d like to try this…” Or “This part turned me on.” [...]

For the more digitally aware, a cute trick might be to download one of the new naughty tales on those Kindles available. (My company, Pretty Things Press, has recently put out two collections of which one is “Skirting the Issue.” ) Tell your partner you have a literary surprise at the ready, then hand over the Kindle!

What the hell is so “scandalous” about telling your partner what you like? Leaving dirty notes? Role playing? It’s stuff like this that makes people so secretive, embarrassed, and ashamed of their sexual desires and impulses. “Not normal” implies that there’s something wrong with these things. “Scandalous” implies the same kind of thing, like these are naughty, dirty things. They’re not! They’re totally normal! But by treating them in this sensationalized fashion, we just further serve to send the message that sexual variation, variety, and expression is a bad or abnormal thing.

Sex and sexual desires need to be normalized. There is nothing wrong with any of these things, and there is nothing scandalous about them, either. We need to stop being so damn afraid of sex and sexuality, and just let people freely express their sexual selves however they see fit, without shaming them.
Photo source.
This entry was posted in Culture Goes Pop, Griping and Kvetching and Bitching, Sex Miscellany, Sexuality. Bookmark the permalink. Post a comment or leave a trackback: Trackback URL.


  1. Sulpicia
    Posted February 1, 2010 at 12:41 am | Permalink

    I don't know, B…. Wearing a suit. That's pretty fucking sextreme.

    But, you know, for the rest… total agreement.

  2. Nell Gwynne
    Posted February 1, 2010 at 1:18 am | Permalink

    haha…this reminds me of a post about wwomen saying that they're being so "bad" or "naughty" for ordering a steak/burger/big slice of chocolate cake/whatever at a restaurant. Because, good god, being able to evjoy good food that will nourish your body is so fucking wrong.

  3. ignorantarmies
    Posted February 1, 2010 at 2:31 am | Permalink

    Social norms about fields cover by taboo produce a unwelcome tension. Social norms work because you know what others expected of you and they know what they can expect from you. This requires communication to work. After all, those expectations need to be tuned to each other. And if everything works, everything is fine.
    When something is not talked about, yet it is always suggested that there is a good and a normal way for you to do it, you're into trouble. You have no way of find out what is expected of you and what you can expect from others. Insecurity results and people who try to sell you anal bleach try to profit from that insecurity.

  4. Another Suburban Mom
    Posted February 1, 2010 at 7:04 am | Permalink

    There is nothing wrong with those things, but making it sound taboo is what sells magazines and newspapers.

  5. SevurdLove
    Posted February 1, 2010 at 8:42 am | Permalink

    There are plenty of people who consider sex "kinky" if there is talking, you use a non-traditional sexual position, or if it isn't in a bed. One gal I dated thought you should only have sex in the dark, no noise, and get fully clothed to sleep after. Fixed that. But surprisingly it is mostly the fact these women are poorly educated about sex and the guys they are with were not very good or paranoid anything more would turn her into a slut and she would leave him.

    Very confusing when I found out this guy left her because SHE wasn't good in bed… she was wild, he was really lame. She ended up cheating with me with him, we broke up and two weeks later she realized what I did. He likes his control over everything making his relationships go stale fast.

  6. sarahbear
    Posted February 1, 2010 at 9:19 am | Permalink

    This kind of shit is so irritating to me. It's one of the reasons my husband was afraid to tell me what he was interested in sexually. He was scared I would think he was weird, a freak or even gay.

    I guess one person's vanilla is another person's kinky.

  7. Welcome to Chicago, Jillinois
    Posted February 1, 2010 at 12:11 pm | Permalink

    Again, I totes agree with ignorantarmies here. Sex has been a tool of control forever, and I'm not (just) talking how individuals control other individuals, but how those in power control the societies they rule.

    If we think this kind of "kink" is "abnormal," then we'll keep supporting the status quo man-woman monogamy model. Imagine a world where everyone was encouraged to love freely and in different ways, to communicate, play and explore. Then we'd be less inclined to buy their anal bleaches, hair removal products, self-help books, therapy and other crap.

    They've got to constantly feed us what's ok and what's not, so we keep buying into their system.

    Now if you excuse me, I'm going to go lead a protest march.

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