Resentment

In the few days since Jesus and I have started actively having sex again, our relationship has already become more intimate. We’re more affectionate, we cuddle more, we kiss more. He told me that he feels “giddy again.” It feels amazing, but at the same time it’s led us to some discussion. He recognizes how resentful he grew in the month or so that we stopped having sex, despite his best efforts to be patient and understanding. And he hates that resentment. He expressed to me that the next time our sex life slows down (acknowledging that it will happen again at some point, of course), he’s going to try to be more cognizant of his feelings and how those feelings effect his behavior. He said that he hates how the absence of sex for such a short period of time had changed his feelings towards me so much. Not that he loved me less and not that he was unhappy with me, but just that he felt less affectionate towards me and much more resentful of me.

I’ll admit that it’s difficult to hear how much he grew to resent me in such a short time over something that shouldn’t be (and isn’t) the foundation of our relationship. It made me a little bit angry, too. At the same time, I respect his honestly and his ability to be aware of these things and to analyze himself in such a way that he wants to make our relationship better and stronger. I just hope that the next time there is a lull in our sex, he remembers this conversation.