Out of My System

I saw The Bruiser when I was home a few weeks ago. And to be honest, I was really scared to see him. He’s always been my Exception, regardless of who I was dating. It didn’t matter how much I liked the person I was with, I could never say no when the opportunity to spend a night with The Bruiser presented itself. If he had told me that he wanted to be with me, I would have broken up with whoever I was dating immediately to be with him. And so, yeah, I was worried about how I would feel when I saw him after all these months apart. This was heightened by the fact that he’d kept in touch with me after I moved, and I would hear from him once every few weeks telling me that he missed me or that he was thinking about me.

At The Bar, he came over and said hi and was completely and totally normal. He was my friend. Which was all I’d ever asked of him, really. It was nice. I felt really good about it. And after closing, a group of us went back to his place. Him and I ended up alone in a room and the opportunity to hook up presented itself. And for the first time in my entire life, I didn’t want it. It wasn’t even a difficult decision, and I didn’t have to wrestle with myself to “do the right thing.” I just… didn’t. I wanted Jesus. Yeah, there will always be feelings between The Bruiser and me. We have a connection that will never go away. But now I can say that it is not worth jeopardizing the most fantastic relationship I’ve ever been in for that fleeting connection with someone that doesn’t truly want to be with me.

I’m happy with the person I’m with, and it feels really good to be able to say that. And I can now say that The Bruiser was my Exception, and not that he is my Exception.

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  1. SkijNo Gravatar
    Posted January 4, 2011 at 7:51 pm | Permalink

    Happy to hear it. :)

  2. alanaNo Gravatar
    Posted January 4, 2011 at 8:19 pm | Permalink

    That sound you hear is a collective sigh of relief from your readership. lol

    But in all seriousness, glad to hear you’re happy and that that chapter of your life is behind you.

    • twgNo Gravatar
      Posted January 5, 2011 at 9:34 am | Permalink

      Agree on both counts.

      I likewise didn’t even see my ex when he was in town last week, and it felt great. It’s nice to be past it all.

  3. JanieNo Gravatar
    Posted January 5, 2011 at 5:25 am | Permalink

    Yay! Getting to that place feels so good! I’m happy for you, and I’m guessing Jesus is pretty happy too!


  4. MollsNo Gravatar
    Posted January 5, 2011 at 11:29 am | Permalink

    About damn time.

  5. FridaNo Gravatar
    Posted January 5, 2011 at 5:35 pm | Permalink

    Why did you even let yourself end up in a room alone with him? :-s

    I mean, I understand you’re ‘friendly’, but at the same time, as you said, why even risk it if you’re not sure what might happen?

    Please don’t take that as a knock, it’s just a genuine question – I agree mostly with the other three first commenters!

    • twgNo Gravatar
      Posted January 6, 2011 at 11:06 am | Permalink

      If you do not test yourself, how do you know that you can withstand temptation? I’d rather an S/O hang out with a “will they or won’t they” ex than not sleep with someone merely by virtue of avoidance.

    • Britni TheVadgeWigNo Gravatar
      Posted January 6, 2011 at 11:52 am | Permalink

      Similar to what Twg said above, if the only thing keeping me from cheating is not being in the same room as him, then I should reevaluate my relationship with Jesus. And chances are that if I would cheat with him, I’d probably cheat with someone else eventually, too. I think the “why put yourself in that position” logic is BS, because whether it’s that position or another, everyone will be tested at some point in every relationship.

  6. AprilNo Gravatar
    Posted January 6, 2011 at 10:14 am | Permalink

    I have a Bruiser type guy in my life, although he didn’t treat me like shit. He was more my kryptonite as I was his. We both would cheat on whoever we were with, with each other. After I met Joe, I went a long time without seeing him because I didn’t trust myself around him. Then one day he was in my area for work and we met up for lunch. All of those irresistible feelings were gone and it was such a relief. Like you, I had no desire for him. I only wanted Joe.

    It’s so nice to be completely in love with one person.

  7. Another Suburban MomNo Gravatar
    Posted January 8, 2011 at 6:53 pm | Permalink

    I am glad that you re so happy with Jesus!

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