I was already planning on posting my outfit from the night I was assaulted, because I have a really good picture of it and I loved it, but in the aftermath of all the victim-blaming hoopla, this is going to be a little bit of a different Wardrobe Malfunction for me. One of the things that people like to say about women that are sexually assaulted is that their attire somehow gave the impression that they were slutty, or asking for it. Now, I’ve actually been documenting my street harassment and what I was wearing when said harassment took place for a series of posts, and I can tell you that there’s no correlation between what I wear and the attention I get, but that’s irrelevant for the moment. I want to post this surely “revealing” and “slutty” outfit that must have “given the wrong impression” to the man that assaulted me with that commentary, as opposed to the usual commentary that accompanies these posts.
I am wearing:
- Floral dress from Forever 21
- Teal sparkly belt from Hot Topic
- White “Bukled” shoes from Steve Madden
- Teal flower necklace from some store in Boston
One thing that I’m really grateful for in the midst of all this victim-blaming BS is that I’m so educated about rape culture and victim-blaming already. Because if I had read posts like the one that was written about me yesterday, or some of the comments on said post, and I wasn’t so aware of how all this worked and where the blame really lies? I cannot imagine the guilt and shame I would feel about myself. I cannot imagine how many times I would be replaying the scene in my head, trying to figure out at exactly what point I gave him the wrong idea. And I cannot imagine how many times someone is assaulted, tells someone about it, and their response is just like the one that some people had to me. “Well, what did YOU do to encourage it?” And I cannot imagine the shame and guilt that comes along with feeling like you’re somehow responsible for your assault.
That dress is sitting in the garage, because it still smelled like him when I got home. But I love that dress too much to not wear it again, so I will be washing it and wearing it with pride, knowing that it didn’t contribute in any way, shape, or form to someone touching me inappropriately.
I'm Britni, a snarky bitch and generally awesome person. I write about sex, love, and bullshit. If sex-positivity, discussions about BDSM and kink, queer issues, and topics that are completely inappropriate by society's standards make you uncomfortable, then this blog is not for you.
Good Vibes 
13 Comments
I think deleting people is completely a-okay, by the way. You don’t have to talk to or interact with or let touch you any individual person out in the world, and you don’t have to let any individual person talk to or interact with you here either.
The dress sitting briefly in the garage, but eventually being washed and re-worn and enjoyed for its beauty, is a great metaphor for the recovery experience. It gives this post a poetic feel. You and your dress are awesome.
That outfit is so stinking cute. I totes love it, and if I wasn’t old and had a fun place to go I would totally wear it.
Good for you.
((you))
peace…
Amen, sister.
I read once in some magazine that in order to prevent my own rape, I shouldn’t wear overly baggy clothes, because that gave would-be rapists something to grab onto in those dark alleys where all rape totes happens. I remember thinking, wait, so I’m not supposed to wear baggy clothes, or tight clothes… What the fuck am I supposed to wear? If you think about it for oh, 20 seconds, the “you can prevent assault” arguments are all bullshit and are all about keeping women living in fear.
I lived in the Middle East for a while, and I can tell you with absolute certainty that what I was wearing had ZERO effect on how much harassment I received. The difference in oppression of women between the Middle East and the US is one of degree, not of kind.
I like the dress as metaphor for recovery, very much.
Agreed. Taylor’s post (I believe that was his name) is a perfect example of how “rape prevention tips” can go wrong and place the burden of not being raped on women that we went over….hmm only a hundred times in the last post. He’s saying he’s only trying to empower us women (how very kind of him) by telling us that when we don’t do exactly what he think is an appropriate response then we should at the very least be disappointed in ourselves. How is that empowering?
I agree with Blaize. Delete the shit out of people. That guy is a vile person and if I cried just reading his comments then I can only guess how it made you feel.
But hey, maybe I’m wrong and rapists are just misunderstood people who need support and understanding while rape victims should just get the fuck over it.
I thought of posting this over at Butthead and Stupid’s blog post, but realized it would make No Difference Whatsoever in their idiocy or that fact that the guy contradicts himself in every other comment. Uh, dude, actually you DID say that, and it’s the fact that I CAN read and understand that makes me aware of your inability to argue or support your ideas or even, you know, be consistent.
Anyway, many of you probably already know this, but several studies have shown a 100% correlation between past sexual abuse and “freezing up” in situations of assault. This is not to say that all people who have been previously abused freeze up rather than fight back, rather that all people who freeze up have been previously abused.
I think he just wanted to personally attack Britni and made whatever argument he needed to make in order to do so.
A guy named “Thoughtful Atheist” did the same thing on youtube not that long ago as well. He tried to claim he was only concerned about his friend, but he felt the need to also call her a slut and criticize her drinking. It was completely fucked up.
http://alanagkelly.blogspot.com/2010/02/rape-victims-asking-for-it-and-youtube.html
Rock the fuck on. <3
Just one thing missing from your outfit.
Because he’s worth it…
Love love this outfit. I can haz plz?
Also hugs for you for being awesome.
xoxox