I Can’t Even

What the fuck gives someone the right to write an entire blog post about how I must have been asking for it? WHAT THE FUCK? You don’t know me or what happened, and regardless of whether or not I was dancing with someone willingly, dancing does not equal consent to frotterism and attempted rape.

THOSE ARE SEX CRIMES. Fucking SEX CRIMES. Victim-blaming is bad enough, but this is a personal fucking attack. In fact, I’m crying so hard that I’m hyperventilating. I’m so, so, so upset. You know, just because you’ve never met me doesn’t mean that there isn’t a person behind this blog. A person with feelings. Who is really fucking hurt to read other people blaming me for what happened, on top of being traumatized from the event itself. No one asks for that, or deserves it. NO ONE. And there’s commenters agreeing. And shit like this on my post.

Fuck you. You’re an awful fucking person. All of you. And just because I talk about rape culture all the time doesn’t mean that I’ve been assaulted every day. It doesn’t mean that I’m asking for it or encouraging it. For the record (not that it should matter), over the course of 8 years, I’ve been assaulted 4 times (including the other night). That’s NOT that much, and the other 3 times were by people I knew and trusted. Oh, wait, I forgot. I must be making this shit up for attention. Or, maybe the way I was dressed was giving the wrong impression. Not that it should matter, but this is what I was wearing that night (that picture is from the night in question). Don’t I look like a fucking SLUT?? SHUT THE FUCK UP. You don’t fucking know me. HOW DARE YOU? Seriously? How dare you take the time to dedicate an entire post to blaming me for my own assault? When you rarely even comment on my blog, unless you’re being a condescending cunt?

I try not to let people get to me, and I have a really thick skin, but this is too much. It may be quiet around here for a while. I’m not sure what I want to do yet. All I know is right now, I’m crying so hard that I’m shaking, and I had to go throw up in the course of writing this post.

I will, however, delete any attempt by anyone even remotely agreeing with that post, so don’t even try. And any comment by the owner of the blog on which the post is will also be deleted, not just on this post, but on any post in the future. DIAF, bitch.

If I feel it’s necessary, I’ll close comments on this post.

ETA: I have the best internet friends in the history of ever. Thank you Ashley, Elodie, Saraid, Wilhelmina Wang, Splendwhore, Nell Gwynne, CyberLizard, and cleofaye for actually taking space on your own blogs to talk about this and defend me (if I forgot anyone, please let me know). Seriously. Thank you. And all you kick ass commenters. Your support means more than you know.

This entry was posted in Griping and Kvetching and Bitching, Rape Culture. Bookmark the permalink. Post a comment or leave a trackback: Trackback URL.


  1. femminaNo Gravatar
    Posted July 9, 2010 at 3:01 am | Permalink

    *hugs* if you want them.

    Just take care of yourself, that’s the most important part. Know that there are people out here in the world who are with you and support you.

  2. GhouldilocksNo Gravatar
    Posted July 9, 2010 at 3:05 am | Permalink

    I don’t even know what to say.
    I’m sorry. <3

  3. DuNo Gravatar
    Posted July 9, 2010 at 3:08 am | Permalink

    I don’ t need to know you personally, Britni. I know that victim-blaming is never okay.

  4. ElodieNo Gravatar
    Posted July 9, 2010 at 3:12 am | Permalink

    I’m shaking. I literally cannot believe this. Sex-positive my ass.

    You didn’t deserve last night. You don’t deserve this. It’s nauseating. I am so angry I could scream.

    There are people out here who’ve got your back. Remember that.

    I posted on my blog anyway: http://elodieonlove.com/2010/07/it-is-not-your-fault/

  5. KittieNo Gravatar
    Posted July 9, 2010 at 3:25 am | Permalink

    I’m angry, I’m sad, I’m fucking sick.
    Take care, will you? Do whatever is necessary to heal and distance yourself from those flaming shitbags. I wish I could do anything besides sending virtual hugs.

  6. Screaming VioletNo Gravatar
    Posted July 9, 2010 at 3:32 am | Permalink

    I’m floored and pissed & certainly do wish I could stick my size 10 boot up a few assholes after reading both your posts.
    I was so not surprised that the first thing I noticed on the site taking a hugely innapropriate stab at you was a huge Eden Fallacy’s banner. To Quote Elodie
    “Sex Positive My Ass”

  7. JuliettiaNo Gravatar
    Posted July 9, 2010 at 3:34 am | Permalink

    Yes. How fucking dare you go out and try to have fun and have someone cross the boundaries on what is appropriate Britni. Obviously by leaving and going away from the poor douchebag who ‘caught mixed signals because you were dancing at one point with him near you, you totally invited him into coming up to you from behind to advance things without any official acknowledgement.

    -shakes head- This (not you) is quite pathetic and ill-minded.

  8. EpiphoraNo Gravatar
    Posted July 9, 2010 at 3:58 am | Permalink

    Congrats, dude, you not only wrote one of the most unoriginal posts in the history of the internet, you also really, really hurt someone with it. Which seems to have been your intention. GREAT JOB.

    • alanaNo Gravatar
      Posted July 9, 2010 at 6:31 pm | Permalink

      The fucked up part is he doesn’t even care he hurt someone (which is obvious by his vile response to my comment). It’s one thing to be an asshole and make mistakes, but it’s another thing entirely to not give a shit about the feelings of others (especially when your trying to convince everyone that you care oh so much).

  9. LucyLemonadeNo Gravatar
    Posted July 9, 2010 at 4:20 am | Permalink

    Wow, I found this entry from a friend’s twitter, I’m so sorry that something like that was written about a traumatic event that you experienced. I’m following you on twitter now, that shit wasn’t cool.

  10. evaNo Gravatar
    Posted July 9, 2010 at 5:15 am | Permalink

    How weird of that guy to write that, and also to think that he is right- what’s wrong with people!? What a sick, sick society we live in.

  11. ronNo Gravatar
    Posted July 9, 2010 at 6:24 am | Permalink

    Don’t let it get to you (hard to say I know). Its just another neanderthal trying to excuse totally inappropriate behaviour. I wonder if he would still feel that way if it happened to his lady?

    Take a clue from her profile <> Owner??

    I think I’ve seen this couple…on Springer–??

  12. JanieNo Gravatar
    Posted July 9, 2010 at 8:56 am | Permalink

    It’s been said by all these awesome commenters but you fucking rock. And please don’t let such horrid small-minded people get you down – easier said than done I know. It wasn’t your fault and how dare this person use your personal life as hate-filled blog fodder? WTF? And to write that on a sex-positive blog? Grrr. I’m so angry about this. I’m sorry people are so shit to you. *massive hugs*


  13. BrigitNo Gravatar
    Posted July 9, 2010 at 8:56 am | Permalink

    Woah, these are some vile, braindead motherfucking trolls. No one deserves to be assaulted. Period. Attacking someone that was sexually assaulted because they are still pissy after the whole EF debacle is incredibly fucking trashy, and people that are that emotionally stunted should just be considered human detritus.
    Not to mention that their argument is bullshit and has been quite thoroughly disproved by solid, peer-published research. Damn, I hate idiots, and I hate that you have to deal with them.

  14. Posted July 9, 2010 at 9:30 am | Permalink

    I will never blame you, nor will I ever blame myself.
    This is your space to write about what you want, however, those of us who merely read your blog do not KNOW you. Yes, we know a lot ABOUT you, but we don’t KNOW YOU.
    The attack by that blogger on you personally just proves that said blogger lives in a tiny bubble outside of reality.
    I hope you are resting and getting away from the negative today.

  15. quizzical pussyNo Gravatar
    Posted July 9, 2010 at 9:59 am | Permalink

    That’s so fucked up. It’s the kind of thing one might expect from a Religious Right corner of the internet, but even they sometimes have better manners. This personally directed attack at a very recent victim of sexual assault is just stunning in its cruelty. I’m so sorry, Britni.

  16. KNo Gravatar
    Posted July 9, 2010 at 11:58 am | Permalink

    I’m really sorry all of this happened to you, Britni. Some people on the Internet really are amazingly despicable.

  17. Nell GwynneNo Gravatar
    Posted July 9, 2010 at 12:23 pm | Permalink


    Kind of slow on the uptake, but I am so so sorry to hear about what happened, and I mentioned it on my blog (and I’m already having a not great day today).

    *lots of hugs*

  18. ZedNo Gravatar
    Posted July 9, 2010 at 1:53 pm | Permalink

    As someone who does go to clubs and has dealt with guys who felt that they could touch me/grind up against, I give you my sincerest condolences. No one should be touched against their will and then to have someone say in a blog entry that you deserved it is bullshit.
    It’s funny how some people that embrace victim blaming always have a plan eg I’m strong, or I don’t dress like a slut * because you know you plan out how you’re going to defend yourself if this does happen to you. It’s like shouldn’t we focus on eradicating or at least changing what people deem as personal responisbility when people are harassed/violated in public places in a sexual manner. It’s fucking ridiculous that we should even have to plan out a defense strategy in the first place.
    Anyways I think I’ve deviated away from the point I was going trying to convey so I’ll stop now.
    I’m sorry that someone voilated your boundaries and space in a totally inapporiate way and that now through some fucked up logic you’re being blamed.

  19. TessNo Gravatar
    Posted July 9, 2010 at 2:00 pm | Permalink

    I’m going to disagree with you on one point – getting assaulted 4 times in 8 years IS too much. Once in a lifetime is once too much. And, of course, you know how I feel, it is NEVER your fault. I hate that that dumb ass prick made you cry. I fucking hate it.

    I think we have to accept that there is unbelievable stupidity in the world and try as we might, we can’t always conquer it. When we run into that type, we make initial efforts to point out their flawed thinking but when that fails we can only get away from it and the people who perpetuate it, to preserve our own sanity and not to live a life rooted in evil and negativity.


  20. BrigitNo Gravatar
    Posted July 9, 2010 at 2:04 pm | Permalink

    I want to expand a bit on the ridiculousness of their non-arguments.
    As a 5 year-old, the frilly dresses and embroidered socks my mom used to dress me with must have been sending the wrong signal because they obviously led to me being molested. As a 14 year old, my dad’s strict wardrobe rules (nothing above the knee, nothing tight, no cleavage whatsoever, no makeup, no nail polish) must have still been too lax, because the old fart that tried to abduct me when I was walking from the school I was tutoring in to my aunt’s house must have totally gotten the impression that I was a slut that should get in his truck from somewhere. These poor poor men just made mistakes and were misunderstood, it’s not as if they were freaking criminals that have done god knows what else after I was able to escape or avoid their clutches.
    Then there are the assaults as an adult. Maybe the jerk that started fondling me when I was sleeping at a (female) friend’s house after returning from a party thought I must have agreed to something by being asleep? Thankfully one of the upstairs neighbors, that knew me since we were children, came in at the right time and helped me get that bastard off myself. And the ratty lab-appropriate clothes I use to hang out in as an upper upperclassman were what led to the other freaking undergrad assaulting/harassing me at a metal show. Whoa, male cargo shorts and band tshirts are so totally slutty.
    In other words, there is no freaking correlation with what one wears and the probability of being harassed/assaulted. If it can happen to a prudish science nerd it can happen to fucking anyone, asswipes.

  21. CyberLizardNo Gravatar
    Posted July 9, 2010 at 2:11 pm | Permalink

    I added my disgust and outrage to the convo. This fucking asshole is a sorry, disgusting excuse for a human being. Him and the commenters agreeing with him and trying to justify his pathetic attempt at excuses.

  22. BlaizeNo Gravatar
    Posted July 9, 2010 at 2:16 pm | Permalink

    If I could put on armor and go defend you with a sword, I would get all Joan of Arc and do just that.

  23. frenchNo Gravatar
    Posted July 9, 2010 at 2:27 pm | Permalink

    Holy fucking shit, that entry was fucking vile. And the comments! Holy fucking shit.

    Britni, no one should have go through what you’ve gone through. No one should be victimized in the first place, and no one should be revictimized. *hugs* if you would like them, and another voice of support. Rape culture is fucking bullshit.

  24. Nadia WestNo Gravatar
    Posted July 9, 2010 at 9:43 pm | Permalink

    I’m going to chime in and say that post is vile. There are times I read your twitter and feel concerned about some behavior you talk about – but I don’t care if you were high on crack and buck fucking naked that guy had NO RIGHT to touch you like that without getting an express, and sober consent. (I also don’t know you and don’t know for sure what you’re doing – so who am I to judge?) We all react differently to assault and I think whether you expressly told him no or not is irrelevant too – you walking away from him should have been enough for any reasonable human being to make sure you were up for what he was up for before going further. Motherfucker. And the rape apologists are a big part of why this still goes on and is still sorely underreported.

    I told the guy who assaulted me at a play party to stop as he was hurting me. He didn’t. I didn’t put up with it and yelled at the top of my lungs for him to stop. He finally did then, but fuck it – I was traumatized already. It’s bullshit to think, “Well I’ll stand up for myself and that won’t happen to ME.” Utter bullshit. I stood up for myself when I was raped, and it still happened. I stood up for myself when I was assaulted, and it still happened. Dickhead tried to say it was an “accident” but there’s nothing accidental about ignoring someone’s request to stop (or their walking away).

  25. ChristopheNo Gravatar
    Posted July 10, 2010 at 12:06 am | Permalink

    I really don’t know why I bothered reading the blog post by the weirdo who felt it necessary to defend the delicate flower of potential-rapist-men from your onslaught. It was, to put in mildly, weird.

    His argument seems to be: “Most men wouldn’t do what that guy did, and most women don’t routinely get raped, therefore, if a woman gets raped, it must have something to with what she did.”

    Excuse me?

    Can you imagine applying that logic to any other violent crime? “Most people aren’t murderers, and most people aren’t murdered, so what did the victim do to deserve being murdered? Not justifying the murder or anything, mind you, just intellectually speculating about possible guilt.”

    What the, if you will pardon the connotation, fuck?

    However, since he was talking about unintended messages being given by behavior:

    In fact just my presence alone makes a lot of people damned nervous.

    Yeah, I’ll bet. It might not be for the reason he thinks, though.

  26. frenchNo Gravatar
    Posted July 10, 2010 at 1:11 am | Permalink

    Also, I may have written a relevant entry on my blog today, thanks to the past week, your blog, and the bullshit other people have been spouting.

  27. alphafemmeNo Gravatar
    Posted July 10, 2010 at 2:02 am | Permalink

    I read that whole thing with my jaw literally on the ground. (Okay, not literally. But almost literally.) And it made me cry too. I can’t imagine how you must feel right now. *This* is why it’s so fucking hard to tell our fucking stories. Because then assholes come along and say “I’m not saying you deserved it or anything, but basically you were asking for it!” and it’s crushing and infuriating and devastating and maddening.

    I am so so sorry. Please know how much support you have.

  28. RedNo Gravatar
    Posted July 10, 2010 at 3:53 am | Permalink

    Ohhhhhhhhh!!! I see his point…you should WALK AS IF YOU’RE SCARY now! Duh. It’s just like being mugged as a guy. Now he makes sure he’s NOT A TARGET! It’s so simple. Why didn’t I think of it?? It really boggles my mind when men try to ‘relate’ to the ‘plight’ of women. Unless you’ve been hate-crimed, or your friends have and unless the mere fact of your perceived gender puts you at risk of assault…YOU’RE NOT GOING TO UNDERSTAND WHAT IT’S LIKE! I’m 5’4″ and 130lbs wet. I can walk as big and tall and *scary* as I like, but if a guy wants to rape me, he’ll probably be able to…even if he’s my size. Why?? Because men hold their body strength in their upper bodies which makes it super easy to over power a woman.

    But obviously, it would be my fault because I must have somehow given him the impression that he could do whatever he wanted whether I wanted him to or not. I must have winked at him, bent over in front of him to pick up my pen, flipped my hair, flirted, not flirted, wore a shirt that showed cleavage, didn’t, bought him a drink, accepted a drink, trusted a friend, trusted a date, trusted a family member, went out with a stranger, went out with my friends, drank too much, didn’t drink enough…ugh…I could go on forever.

    Brit said it best before (and so have many, many, MANY other people in the past): The only person responsible for the rape is the RAPIST, with no other lies the blame.

  29. MoonshineSunlightNo Gravatar
    Posted July 10, 2010 at 8:15 pm | Permalink

    Seriously, what the hell?
    I’m so so sorry Brit, this guy and the guy who tried to rape you
    are both misogynistic assholes who understand nothing of positivity and consent.

    Just know there are people who support you and care for you,
    I’ve been a long time reader and have looked up to you since i was 16,
    because of how frank and poignant you are. Keep your chin up girly.

  30. Another Suburban MomNo Gravatar
    Posted July 11, 2010 at 10:26 pm | Permalink

    I read the post and it sickened me. You put yourself out there and shared something traumatic that happened to you and to have someone attack you like that must feel nearly as disgusting as the original assault.

    I have to admit when you first told the story I was so shocked that I was waiting for some kind of punchline. It is just beyond my comprehension that some one would try to penetrate another person at a crowded nightclub in the middle of everything.

    I only wish you had put those Steve Maddens to good use and given him a good kick in the man parts.

  31. Resident RanterNo Gravatar
    Posted July 12, 2010 at 7:44 am | Permalink

    You know what’s sad about her blog? Is that she tried to come across as intelligent and smart, that she tried to draw from her own experience and apply it to yours. This girl’s lack of confidence and low self-esteem screamed out at me while I read what was wrote. People like this try to analyze others people lives and give plagiarized “treatment” in order to make themselves feel better and in a higher intelligence class than they are to feel better about their own pathetic life. And in trying to give her own opinion about what happened, basically put herself into the same class as the guy who assaulted you.
    Is it your fault that you feel confident to wear something that makes you look good? No.
    Is it your fault that you decided to go out and enjoy yourself? No.
    Is it your fault that this guy assumed that you wanted him to do what he did? Absolutely fucking NO.

    I am always one who enjoys friendly banter and intelligent discussion, it spices up things. However, picking apart what YOU did to make it seem like YOU were the one at fault is cowardly, pathetic, and pitiful. That girl who wrote what she did needs to deal with her own inadequacies before trying to sound intelligent.

    Stay strong, and if this situation ever happens again, don’t EVER feel bad about trying to rip that guys balls off.


  32. nitebyrdNo Gravatar
    Posted July 13, 2010 at 1:58 pm | Permalink

    I came here via ASM, I’ll need to read all the posts but no one ever asks to be assualted, ever!

  33. JaeNo Gravatar
    Posted July 23, 2010 at 12:04 am | Permalink

    I’m perplexed by all of the different opinions on this. How does someone unintentionally provoke someone else to whip their cock out? How badly can one misinterpret someones actions to the point where they think “hey this person wants me to whip it out.” There’s no sort of unintentional eye gesture or body language that screams this. I’m a huge flirt — it’s a personality trait, yet I’ve never been sexually assaulted in any way/shape/form. You’d think all sorts of guys would read me all kinds of wrong, yet they haven’t.. Which is why I think it’s unfair for people to say that you could have taken steps to prevent this from happening, i.e. the way you dressed or the way you presented yourself. Ignance, I tell ya. You didn’t deserve this, nor that post that was written about you. No one does.

  34. EJNo Gravatar
    Posted August 8, 2010 at 12:26 am | Permalink

    I dont know if this means anything to you since I’ve only commented once, but below is the comment I left on that horrible blog post. I absolutely love your blog. Reading it makes me feel a lot less alone in some of the painful experiences I’ve had. I’m so sorry someone like you had to go through them, but you have no idea what it means to women like me that you share the experience, share the healing process and the pain that goes along with it, and make us feel like we’re normal, ok and not somehow being singled out as victims. I know people can be really hard on you sometimes, but for those of us who have been there, you have no idea what an honest, frank, well written blog like yours means to us. And seriously, anyone who tries to make you feel like you’re doing something wrong by being honest and trying to take the taboo out of sexual assault as well as sexual enjoyment can take their self righteous smarmyness and shove it up their condescending asses.
    The extent of victim blaming in your post is quite horrifying. You state that for a woman to experience sexual assault she must somehow be inviting it, but unless you have an extremely broad definition of how a woman can possibly invite assault and harassment, at least in my experience, this is most certainly not true. I wear an Islamic head scarf -as well as my wedding ring- and follow a dress code where I wear loose fitting clothing and show nothing other than my hands and face. I almost never go anywhere other than the library after 10pm and, as part of my religious commitment, I generally politely decline to shake hands with men when the situation arises. Despite the fact that I make it abundantly clear that I am in no way interested or asking for any sort of male sexual attention, I have still had experiences such as a male metro employee telling me that he bets it would look really hot to get a blow job from a woman in a scarf and that he intends to masturbate to the image of me fellating him later. While in Lebanon, I once had a soldier attempt to rape me at gun point because I was walking home with a male friend at 3am and he assumed that I must have been having a sexual relationship with my friend (who, incidentally, is gay). Yes, I was out late at night and this was before the wedding ring, but I was doing nothing at all illicit, was not drunk, and was not dressed in an even remotely provocative way. I have also had a complete stranger here in DC grab and twist my breast hard enough to leave bruises from 4 of his fingers all around the breast while in an elevator at 11am. Following the line of logic in your blog post, I almost feel as though you would like me to blame myself for getting into an elevator alone with a strange man.

    You say that the average man would not just approach a woman in a blatantly sexual way without getting some sort of cue that he would not be rejected, but I have to hope that sexual predators aren’t the average man. The fact that they are in the minority, however, does not mean they do not exist. Also, in the case you described above, one has to assume that alcohol played a significant role in the interaction. Not everyone is an elegant drunk, and alcohol may have led the assaulter to believe that his victim was giving off cues that did not really exist. It may also just have lowered his inhibitions so that he was able to just act however he wanted and try to get his penis under her skirt in a public setting.

    My personal experience with sexual assault has been that many men have a fantasy that , for some reason, they seem to believe a woman is obligated to fill. For some reason, there appears to be bit of a headscarf fetish out there, with a heavy leaning towards images of women in scarves giving men blow jobs, which I’m assuming led the metro employee to think that he could tell me he would be masturbating to the image of me fulfilling that role since evidentially that is all he knows of women in headscarves. I, however, do not feel that I in any way allowed that to happen. It’s like some men who have an airline hostess fetish or a twin fetish to the extent that they seem to believe they need to engage in sexual activity with these individuals: sometimes people actually seem to confuse their fantasy with the reality in front of them. I think that’s generally the case in situations of sexual assault. Other than the one time where there was a blatant attempt at rape with a deadly weapon, I’ve never felt like the men involved had any idea that I would be offended. Both the metro employee and the elevator breast assaulter seemed so excited to see me that it was more than a little disturbing. It totally didnt seem to register to them that I was an actual person beyond some sort of extension for their really, really strange fetish. I think it is much more likely that the attacker in the story above wanted to believe that his fantasy of a cute girl liking him and wanting to get with him right away in the bar was coming true after he’d had enough to drink that his judgment was slightly impaired than that the victim in question was in ANY way asking for it.

4 Trackbacks

  1. By This post is for Britni « Pussy Goes Grrr on July 9, 2010 at 3:32 am

    [...] Tonight, I read a piece of vile, victim-blaming apologist bullshit in regards to something that happened to Britni. Britni is someone that I admire. I enjoy her blog a LOT. I look up to her brash, unapologetic sass [...]

  2. By Victim blaming bullshit : CyberLizard's Collection on July 9, 2010 at 2:08 pm

    [...] A number of other bloggers have picked up on the story and are also expressing their outrage (I’m sure I missed some, just let me know and I’ll add them). Britni’s own response is here. [...]

  3. By Wardrobe Malfunction: She Was Totes Asking For It on July 9, 2010 at 11:41 pm

    [...] Oh My God, That Britni's Shameless I'm nothing but a brash and impetuous girl striving to be true to myself while searching for somewhere to belong, someone to love, and a better version of me. Skip to content AboutToy BoxLinks and ResourcesWhat’s In Your Box?Wish List « I Can’t Even [...]

  4. [...] What the fucking fuck? Every member of the jury just slut-shamed and victim-blamed this woman? Every one? Where the fuck is the implicit consent at all? Does the word “no” mean nothing? Does the lack of consent form mean nothing? Does the fact that she did not willingly show her breasts, but instead was assaulted mean nothing? Apparently, according to these jurors, that’s exactly what all that means: nothing. The fact that she was dancing on a bar meant that she clearly must have been willing to flash a GGW video camera and allow someone to pull her top off. Unfortunately, I know they’re not the only people that feel this way. [...]

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