Lately, someone has been asking me ridiculous questions on Formspring, basically calling me a hypocrite for saying that size isn’t important to me, when I openly call myself a “size queen” on the blog. While the questions piss me off, one of my answers to the person got me thinking. Yes, I’m a size queen when it comes to my toys. But just because I prefer large toys doesn’t mean that I prefer large cocks. In fact, I’ve been quite vocal about the fact that size doesn’t matter to me. There’s a huge difference between a toy and a cock.
I like large toys, not so much “large” as in “long,” but “large” as in “girthy.” I like the feeling of being full and of being filled up. But the way I use my toys is much different than the way I’m fucked with a cock. When I use toys, they’re usually inserted and I keep them there. Sometimes there’s thrusting, but not continuous, hard thrusting, the way there is during sex. Therefore, while I may really like a girthy toy like the Rascal or Randy, an actual cock with less girth than that can get irritating for me. Larger cocks tend to make me sore from the continuous friction from the in and out of sex. I also have problems in certain positions with hitting my cervix and causing me pain. A lot of the toys I like are short and fat, and again, not being used in the same way as a cock.
Furthermore, when I say that size doesn’t matter to me when it comes to my preference in cocks, I MEAN THAT. I can control the size of the toy I buy. A guy can’t control the size of his cock. If I like someone, then I like the dick attached to that person, too. I’ve been with well-endowed men that hurt me, and that were too big for me to successfully enjoy the sex. I’ve been with well endowed men that had no idea how to use their cock and sucked in bed. Some of the best sex I’ve ever had in my life has been with the smallest partner I’ve ever been with. And yes, I’ve had great sex with men with large cocks, too. But the size of the penis has no bearing on my enjoyment of the sex. It’s about the connection, the chemistry, and whether or not someone cares enough to make me feel good.
So yes, I like big toys. I am a definite size queen when I’m dildo shopping. But when it comes to the real thing? I could give a shit how big or small or fat or thin or straight or crooked or cut or uncut it is. Because that’s not what it’s about.
I'm Britni, a snarky bitch and generally awesome person. I write about sex, love, and bullshit. If sex-positivity, discussions about BDSM and kink, queer issues, and topics that are completely inappropriate by society's standards make you uncomfortable, then this blog is not for you.
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9 Comments
I could have written this.
I agree 120%. In fact, when I see pics from guys on dating sites / craigslist and their cock appears to be as thick as my wrist and 10″ long? I delete it after shuddering in fear.
Since I discovered your blog, I am having a really hard time not just posting comments on everything that basically say, “I agree completely.” I mean, that would be completely useless, not to mention rather creepy.
But, in this case I don’t think I can help myself. I do agree completely. I love me some larger toys like the Rascal and the Squirt, but even a firmly average sized cock can bang unpleasantly against my cervix, or just generally cause me pain in some positions. Real fucking is an entirely different ballgame from playing with a toy.
Whoever asks these questions is obviously too dumb to realize that theres a PERSON attached to genitalia and the way we feel about that person defines the way we feel about the genitalia in question, too.
I encountered the same attitude in some women who bashed me for preferring my personal pubic hair shaved. They told me I was going for the pre-puberty look and was enforcing pedophile preferences in any men I am with.
Even totally ignoring the fact that a grown womans vulva looks really different from a little girls vulva:
There is ME attached to that vulva, right? I don’t fancy being reduced to my genitalia.
I get this. When I started picking large, textured dildos it made Chad uncomfortable. He said more than a few times that it made him jealous or feel inadequate. I was never quite able to explain to him what the difference was but you have nailed it on the head.
I can’t handle thick, textured cocks for vigorous fucking. I like them to fill me up and I grind against them when I masturbate or when he uses them in a harness. We talked about this post last night because he wanted to leave a comment. Mostly telling you that it’s difficult for a guy who has limited experience with toys (possibly women too if they’re spamming your formspring) to understand. They don’t get it because they’ve never used a toy on a woman so they don’t understand all the mechanics of it. They shouldn’t be accusing you of being hypocritical about such things though, just because of their own ignorance.
I think some of your comment relates to my recent post about guys being grossed out by fisting, etc. When they see a girl using a really large toy or something, they have this “ew, gross,” kind of reaction, but I think what the reaction really is is “If she likes using something that big, my cock won’t satisfy her,” and an overall feeling of inadequacy.
I wish more guys understood that difference, and I’m glad Chad was able to overcome his initial impressions and realize the difference. And when *he’s* using the toy on you, too, it involves him in your pleasure; *he’s* still the one making you feel good, not the toy.
Some guys never get there, though.
This person is completely missing the point. Even if you did prefer larger cocks, that still doesn’t mean you’re a hypocrite for saying size doesn’t matter. Because ultimately it doesn’t, and having a person preference does not negate that. If a man prefers a big ass or big breasts, that doesn’t mean that he wouldn’t enjoy sex with a partner who didn’t live up to that preference (that’s why it’s called a “preference” and not a “requirement”).
I prefer large cocks because I like the friction. But just you, some of the best most amazing sex I’ve had was with the smallest partner I’ve had. Size doesn’t matter.
Again, I miss out on some great conversations due to my crazy ass work schedule. However, I would like to reiterate what Sarah said… for any guy who hasn’t had any experience with toys, a vibrator or dildo by itself can be intimidating (my brother threw his wife’s toy against the wall and shattered it) much less a toy that is much larger than he is.
Just as women are constantly pressured about how skinny they should be, how tan they should be, how beautiful they should be, men have huge issues with penis size. All of it is in your head, of course, but that can make it more real than reality. What doesn’t help anything is watching porn. Porn, by far, is full of some of the worst information you can find about sex… about how real people look, what feels good, what you should and shouldn’t try… and though I obviously can’t share any accurate statistics, I’m sure the vast majority of teenage boys watch their fair share of porn.
It’s an old post, but I feel its still relevant to the topic.
http://phallicity.blogspot.com/2010/02/man-of-many-dicks.html
As far as formspring goes… I wouldn’t even answer questions that weren’t made with genuine curiosity, much less pointed questions meant to agitate me. Delete them bitches.
EXACTLY. A lot of those awful Formspring questions seem to be operating on some stupid “either/or” logic. Either you have to prefer large cocks and toys, or it shouldn’t matter. How dare soemone have difference in preference between their sex toys on the penis size of their partners!. I think the fears of inadequacy are one factor, but I also see that pervasive additude of “women are unable to make decisions based on their preferences and experiences”. To which I repeatedly bang my head onthe desk until I have a sizeable bruise.
giggle…sarahbear you said “nailed it on the HEAD’ giggle…imaturity aside and with my relatively new experiences with both’real’ toys and real cocks I tend to agree. In my early days when it was odd object insertion I found easing something large and ungainly interesting but it is easing it in not fucking myself silly buggers with it!
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