Great Expectations

I’ve been strangely quiet on the sex front, I know. I’ve *wanted* to write about the sex with Master. Because oh. my. god. THE SEX. It’s just that I haven’t really known what to say or how to write about it. I’m not quite sure how to put such an intense, emotional, beautiful, wonderful, perfect experience into words. It was complex and affected me on so many different levels. Before I met Him for the first time, I was scared as hell. When you know someone only through a computer and telephone, you really don’t know what to expect. But that’s not to say that you don’t have expectations, because you do. Of course you do. But expectations can be dangerous. If you’ve built someone up and have extremely high expectations for them, they can very easily fail to live up to what you’re expecting. And that sucks. And honestly, no matter how hard I had tried to avoid it, I had really high expectations for Him.

There were high expectations on many different levels. And one or more of those facets could have easily failed to live up to the idea of Him, of us, that I had created in my mind. I had expectations about Him, personally. These were probably the most accurate and the most likely to meet the image that I already had. Personality (and looks) are the easiest to translate over internet and phone communication. I’d spent hours speaking with Him on cam, the phone, via text, and via email, that I already had a very good sense of what He was like. And how we would get along and what our chemistry would be like. And He was exactly what I was expecting.

I had expectations regarding our D/s dynamic. While I had a fairly good idea what His style of dominance was and how compatible it was with mine, long distance D/s is very different than face-to-face D/s. When we’re long distance, my submission is dependent entirely on me. If I get bratty, He can’t *technically* punish me, unless I allow Him to. Any and all of our dynamic is completely mental. But how would that translate when we met in person? And not *just* sexual D/s, but the day-to-day elements of it. When we are laying in bed, watching TV, getting ready to go out, out to dinner. Would my idea of submission in those contexts be compatible with what He wanted His sub to be like? And then there’s the sexual aspect of our D/s. Would he understand and be able to read my limits? Respect those limits? Even though we’d discussed our kinks and knew that they lined up in theory, the actual chemistry of play or of a scene is completely different. And, thankfully, those expectations were met. And exceeded.

And finally, I had expectations about the sex itself. When you remove the D/s elements, there still has to be good sex. How would our bodies fit together? How would we respond to each other? How would He feel inside me? Mutually masturbating on cam is NOTHING like physically being with someone. You can have all the vocal, linguistic, chatty compatibility in the world and yet have absolutely no physical chemistry at all. I was worried, not so much that the sex would be bad, but how I would react if it ended up being bad. I had such high expectations for this man and I would have been devastated and disappointed if, after all of this, I had no sexual chemistry with Him. But that was not the case. Oh god, that was the furthest thing from the case. There were fireworks and butterflies and all of those things that you hope will be there. And it was perfect. And those expectations were exceeded beyond my wildest dreams.

And if this is not the face of someone that has been completely, utterly, and totally satisfied and fucked harder than she ever thought possible, then I don’t know what is. I am so far in my sub space and stoned-with-orgasms space that I look dead. It’s awesome.

Sometimes it’s okay to have great expectations, because the person that will live up to and exceed every single one of them actually does exist

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  1. voyeur36
    Posted October 5, 2009 at 4:21 pm | Permalink

    You do look stoned. Its brilliant when you find the hype is not just hype. That the mental can merge into the physical. Happy for you.

  2. Aurore
    Posted October 5, 2009 at 5:00 pm | Permalink

    I'm glad to see everything surpassed your expectations ;)

  3. Eve
    Posted October 5, 2009 at 8:29 pm | Permalink

    Yay! I'm very happy for you. I'm starting to move into a similar space (minus the D/s, cause I'm not doing that at the moment) in my current relationship, and it's awesome! (like the sex that's so amazing it makes you cry, in a good way) It always makes me happy to see people in happy, healthy, fulfilling relationships.

  4. Gray
    Posted October 5, 2009 at 9:12 pm | Permalink

    I am in your prior position now, I can hope that my outcome is similar to yours!! What a lovely story that you are sharing with us.

  5. theybelongtous
    Posted October 5, 2009 at 11:13 pm | Permalink

    I am so happy for you. :)


  6. moresexchocolateandredlipstick
    Posted October 6, 2009 at 3:32 am | Permalink

    You do look stoned, but also really beautiful :) I'm glad everything worked out for you – fingers crossed that my expectations are met this weekend with Prince Charming!

  7. ignorantarmies
    Posted October 7, 2009 at 2:05 pm | Permalink

    It's strange how the glow of your words and the depth of joy they point at when you write about your D/s and sex makes me feel like crying. It's almost unbearable. I think it is because it so reminds me of how my girlfriend used to be or rather, how I construct her former self from what I know and saw. It just fits very well. And it gets deep because it always makes me think that I will never give her that and get that from her.

  8. Jo
    Posted October 8, 2009 at 2:28 pm | Permalink

    You look beautiful.

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