The Promo Homo said:
If I was out on a date and the girl wanted to sleep with me on the first date, I would think she just wanted a hook up and didn’t want anything serious.
Molls actually wrote an entire post responding to mine here; these are just selected excerpts from that post:
Men will complain about not getting any action from chicks. About how women manipulate them with sex. And then, they put contingencies on the relationship when we do put out… I imposed a “no sex on the first date” rule. Both to prevent myself from giving guys the impression I just want to fuck AND to allow myself to get to know him a little bit better, thus ensuring the sex will be good… To answer the question, I don’t think any time is too soon. If you’re the type of guy who equates sex on the first date with non-serious relationships, then you’re probably not the type of guy I’d want to be in a serious relationship with.
M.A.D. said a lot, and feel free to read his comment in full on the original post. I am just picking out certain parts and responding to them:
It matters because it changes the way that a relationship is perceived.
Some men are just hunters. They see a woman, they regard her as a challenge. “Hmm. Can I get into her knickers? I wonder. Let’s see…?” Those guys will lose interest after the first time you have sex, or possibly after the first few times, anyway. There is nothing that will change that.
Okay, and I am not referring to something that is simply casual sex. And I could lose interest in them after having sex a few times, too. If men are “hunters” just looking to get laid, they usually won’t take the effort of taking someone out or courting them to get into their pants. They will take the easy out and hook up with a drunk girl from a bar or something like that.
To many men, having sex is simply “something that two people can do together that is quite fun”. A bit like having dinner together, giving a neck rub or scratching someone else’s itch. Something that CAN be done in a loving way with a soul mate, but that in NO way has to be.
Right. And many women feel the same way, too. I’m not saying that I want to date every person that I fuck, because that would be completely unrealistic and also, a total lie. But if you actually like the person that you are fucking and would like to get to know them on a deeper level and possibly develop a relationship with them, what would stop you? Why couldn’t you? You don’t have to try to develop a relationship with every person that you fuck, and in my case (because I do have casual sex), I shouldn’t. And couldn’t. But why does having sex with someone too soon have to mean that there is no relationship potential?
Many other men, however, are genuinely interested in finding someone to go out with and do interesting things with. For such men, having sex can actually get in the way. You go out or hang out with someone, it’s fun, it’s spontaneous and – most importantly, it’s voluntary. But, if you sleep with her, then suddenly, it’s changed. It’s no longer voluntary because, suddenly, you’re in “a relationship”.
Now, for Joe Average who wakes up the morning after the night before and finds himself suddenly in “a relationship”, his first reaction is going to be “Whoa! Shit! How did that happen?” But then, after the initial surge of panic has worn off, he will start to weigh up the pros and cons. He will asses the fun that you have had together (and the potential fun that you might have together) and weigh that against the “sacrifice” of being in “a relationship”.
If you have been out with him a few times and he has gotten used to enjoying his company, then the pros will outweigh the cons. If you sleep with him too soon, he will not have gotten into the “habit” of being with you, and the cons will outweigh the pros and he will vanish like morning mist.