Bisexuality Part III: Struggling To Get Bi

Part I

Part II

“I still don’t know if I’m straight or if I’m gay!” -Tila Tequila

“It is because of me– I definitely think [my show] helped the movement… The next thing you know, [gay marriage] is legal!” -Tila Tequila

Bisexuality in pop culture does nothing to legitimize the orientation at all. It is shown as something that girls do to turn guys on, a phase they go through, something that is good for shock value, or something that even bisexuals themselves don’t understand. Until our popular culture has more positive bisexual icons, our orientation will continue to be seen as a joke.

Tila Tequila infuriates me. She gives bisexuals such a bad name, it is ridiculous. She won some award at the A List Awards, and the clip above is her acceptance speech. That acceptance speech was appalling (for those of you that cannot click the link, that is where the “I still don’t know if I’m gay or if I’m straight!” quote came from). You aren’t supposed to be trying to figure out if you’re gay or you’re straight, bitch. I thought we settled this already when you told us you were “A BISEXUAL!!” That’s what being bisexual means, you half wit. It means not being gay OR straight.

Not only that, she took credit for the legalization of gay marriage. No, really. You’re right, Tila. It had nothing to do with the activists that have been fighting for decades. Nothing to do with the people who dedicated their lives to fight for their rights. Nothing to do with the millions of loving, gay couples who have proved to the world that their relationships are valid and deserve recognition. It was because of your show. The show that gives each contestant a shot at herpes with you. The show on which contestants eat pig vagina, blow up condoms with their ass, slide upside down down stripper poles, and beat the shit out of each other due to ‘roid rage.

She really just doesn’t get it. At all. If someone who claims to be bisexual can’t even properly help the general population understand what it is, who will?

Then there was the whole Britney Spears/Madonna kiss at the MTV movie awards (everyone likes to forget that Christina Aguilera was involved in that, too). It was done for shock value, to ruffle feathers, and to make it trendy for girls to make out. It was gratuitous girls making out for the sake of making a scene and stirring up dust. It meant nothing, and still means nothing.

There was also the scene in American Pie 2. The men in the movie were so consumed with lust over thinking that two hot girls were lesbians that they are willing to make out with each other even though they find it gross. They literally trip over themselves and babble incoherently at the thought of two hot women hooking up. Because clearly, hot women only hook up so that those straight guys can be aroused. Not because the two women might love each other or just prefer sex with women over sex with men. The girls would never hook up with each other for their own pleasure; it would HAVE to be for someone else’s. Duh.

Katy Perry’s song “I Kissed A Girl” is everywhere right now (I won’t even discuss her previous single, “UR So Gay”, because now she has offended both gay men and lesbians). And I have to admit that it’s pretty catchy. However, the lyrics serve to perpetuate the view put forth by our society that girls can make out with other girls to experiment, while drunk, for their boyfriends, or to rebel. The lyrics should have stopped at “I kissed a girl/and I liked it”. That would be perfect. However, they instead go onto say things like, “I got so brave drink in hand”, “I hope my boyfriend don’t mind it”, and, of course, this verse:

“No, I don’t even know your name

It doesn’t matter.

You’re my experimental game

Just human nature.

It’s not what good girls do

Not how they should behave…

Don’t mean I’m in love tonight.”

This song epitomizes everything that is wrong with the way our popular culture portrays bisexuality and lesbianism. The girl has to be drunk in order to kiss a girl (therefore she is not in control and her inhibitions are lowered– because what SOBER girl would ever kiss another girl?!) and she is cheating on her boyfriend (and of course he won’t mind, because as I’ve mentioned above, guys LOVE watching chicks make out with each other. It isn’t real cheating). Good girls would never kiss another girl (lesbianism is wrong; I’m being a REBEL for kissing another girl. Aren’t I cool?) and, of course, the girl’s name makes no difference because she is just an experiment. AN EXPERIMENT? That is so offensive that I have no comment on it.

These examples just scratch the surface. There are countless others like them. Until there are more positive role models out there who portray bisexuality in a more positive light, the stereotypes that bisexuals fight to break every day will be perpetuated. Tila Tequila is just not going to cut it.

“I have been playing

Too many of those boy-girl games

She says, ‘Honey you are safe here

This is a girl-girl thing’”

- Ani DiFranco, If It Isn’t Her

“If you are a woman, if you are a person of color, if you are gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, if you are a person of size, if you are person of intelligence, if you are a person of integrity, then you are considered a minority in this world.

And it’s going to be really hard for us to find messages of self-love and support anywhere….

If you don’t have self-esteem, you will hesitate to do anything in your life….

You will hesitate to report a rape. You will hesitate to defend yourself when you are discriminated against because of your race, your sexuality, your size, your gender. You will hesitate to vote; you will hesitate to dream.

For us to have self-esteem is truly an act of revolution, and our revolution is long overdue.”

-Margaret Cho, The Notorious C.H.O Tour

I would also recommend checking out AfterEllen’s piece on bisexual women in film from the 1980s through today. It is much more well written and thorough and eloquent and articulate than I could ever hope to be.

Also, check out Molls‘ take on the who bisexuality thing here. It’s a contagious topic!