It hurts more than they say it will. Not physically, but emotionally. You may love the other half of it, but you can’t let yourself, nor can you tell him. Whether it’s what you want in the long run or not, you’re not a monster; thinking of it as a parasite is a temporary fix. But you know it’s more than that. Would it have been a little man? Or your little girl?
You hate yourself for making the choice that you did, but you know you didn’t have another. You could have told him about it, but you knew it was the only thing he wanted in the world. And wouldn’t it suck for the person you loved to be with you because he loved your accident and didn’t really love you? Yes, it would suck. You know you want someone that wants to be with YOU, and have it be because they love you, not because of what accidentally happened.
Little person, please know that Mommy loved you. Daddy did, too, even though he didn’t know you existed at the time. Because now that Daddy knows you existed, he hates Mommy so much. He doesn’t realize that Mommy did what she did out of love for both of you. And please know that because Mommy loved you, she did what she thought was best for you. That doesn’t mean she’s forgotten you, though.
I still love you, baby. I hope you know that.
I'm Britni, a snarky bitch and generally awesome person. I write about sex, love, and bullshit. If sex-positivity, discussions about BDSM and kink, queer issues, and topics that are completely inappropriate by society's standards make you uncomfortable, then this blog is not for you.
Good Vibes 
21 Comments
*hugs* So very many *hugs*.
xx Dee
I’ll just send a huge, huge bunch of hugs.
Wow. I didn’t see that coming.
*Hugs*
I didn’t, either. It kind of snuck up on me.
I’m so sorry Britni. Some can, and some can’t, some of the time and sometimes not at all. I couldn’t either, and I cried and I completely lost myself for a year. Please don’t crash, you aren’t alone. Some people understand, and some don’t, but you are worthy and you did what you needed to do. Please, just hold on and stay strong. You are never alone.
Wow, Brit. This was really sad. I still think of mine, even though it was very very long ago. It does get a bit easier over time, but there’s a part of me that will always feel how describe in this post. As much as it hurts, it was for the best.
I can’t imagine how hard it was to make that decision, even knowing it was best for everyone involved.
You are a strong person and I admire you for sharing this with us. Take care of yourself.
*hugs*
*hugs*
I’m just a random poster on your blog.
But I think you made the right choice.
I know I made the right choice.
That’s the most important thing.
I’m so sorry this is happening though.
I still hate myself for both of mine. It’s been fifteen years, and I’m married to the man who was the father, but we don’t have children. It’s affected me so badly I don’t believe I deserve them.
I have nightmares too.
Sending so many hugs and so much love.
Oh Maxie, it is fine to feel sadness and maybe even remorse once in a while, but hating yourself for these decisions is unhealthy. Nobody should bear that alone. Have you ever thought of counseling to deal with your feelings?
I send another bunch of hugs your way. We all deserve to be happy and to be loved, especially by ourselves.
This is so honest and beautiful. Thank you for sharing it. It’s so obvious you did make the choice out of love.
nthing all the hugs.
Oh Brit…I’ve often thought that I would also make the same choice if I had to decide, and I know that it wouldn’t be easy…but that it would be probably be the right option. If you feel like you made the right choice, then you did…and as the above poster wrote, most definitely with love. *hug*
This completely breaks my heart.
So much love for you, hun. So much love.
peace…
Mine would have been 23 and 20 by now. But they’re not. Thank you for posting this.
I’m sorry you have to go through this! *Hugs*
I think I love you for posting this. It’s so brutally honest and pulls at my heart like a lot of things don’t. You really are amazing.
Just a simple hug. (((Britni)))
*epic motherfucking hug*
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[...] doesn’t want to be with them never realize that this is not a good reason to have a baby and make the logical decision to terminate their pregnancy [...]