Britni and I have sex with other people. We both agree that we want to be together and that it is unreasonable to expect to only have sex with each other the rest of our lives. The relationship of sex and emotion is a complicated one. We want only each other for the emotional bond yet want to bring others into our play. This is how we do that.
Being a D/s couple Britni gives control to me. If you have any familiarity with the swing world you know this is opposite of common reality. Women run the show. In our relationship Britni has given me the steering wheel and trusts me to stay on the road. If I meet someone, male, female or couple that I think will work, I steer us and make the final approvals. Of course there are other people involved here for which I have no control, but assuming they are willing I have the helm.
I know her pretty well and have no desire to have her roll her eyes all night so I certainly make every effort to choose wisely. This is my responsibility to her. Once it is over we make no effort to continue the relationship with the other person(s) any further. Both of us are quite happy with OUR relationship and together we can continue to bed new people. Why would we want to screw that up?
Before guys start sending me endless emails asking to play, let me say that I am not soliciting potential partners. You don’t have a chance and I don’t have a list of requirements you have to meet to get the opportunity. So don’t bother.
The title of this post pretty much makes the point I am after here. Threesomes, whether they are MMF or MFF, are just more enjoyable to me than being with another couple. In my experience they happen much easier with a lot less planning and scheduling and they tend to be totally devoid of the emotional obstacles that can plague the pursuit of a pleasurable foursome.
With a threesome the third party knows they are the odd-person-out and “allowed” to be there by the person of the same sex. As a result there are some natural courtesies that occur in body language and the like, that tend to make everyone more comfortable. A nod to allow advance and waiting for direction, and for us to take the lead makes it easier on everyone.
Another nice thing about threesomes is that it seems rather easy to give everyone the attention they need. There is no waiting for turns and complicated positioning to get where you want to be.
A foursome is another beast. A foursome requires both of us to be attracted to the other two people, which drops the odds of a successful match considerably. On top of this, the timing of that attraction must be in unison. Despite the common knowledge that men are dogs I do need some amount of wooing and cannot simply fuck a pussy offered to me.
Then there is the comfort level. Being a bit of a control freak I am very conscious of the interactions of the other couple during the encounter. Is one of them getting jealous? Are they both having their fair share of fun? Are they both following the rules we have laid down? So much to keep track of! So much in fact that trying to do so and enjoy myself is not easy. I have to admit I have never had a foursome that I considered so enjoyable I wanted to do it again.
Threesomes, now any one of those I would jump at the chance.
I'm Britni, a snarky bitch and generally awesome person. I write about sex, love, and bullshit. If sex-positivity, discussions about BDSM and kink, queer issues, and topics that are completely inappropriate by society's standards make you uncomfortable, then this blog is not for you.
Good Vibes 
15 Comments
I've never had a threesome that's really worked. Someone is always feeling left out, or that they aren't getting their fair share of the attention. I'm constantly worried that someone isn't enjoying themselves. It's distracting.
With other couples, if things don't work just right, you know you and they have their primary partner to fall back on. What was suppose to be a foursome, may just become two couples having sex in the same room, which is just fine because I'm getting mine, and they are getting theirs. In the end, everyone is satisfied.
I was in a long-term threesome relationship. There were times when it was awesome, and everything flowed perfectly. There were times when it was apparent that one party was keeping themselves separate from the other two. It made things tense, and certainly not as much fun as it could have been. Bleh.
If the Man and I were to ever bring someone else into the relationship – that person would hold the position of a fuck-buddy. And definitely would NOT live in my house.
However, I am with Britni on this one. I am going to make sure I am having fun with whomever I am playing with at that time. If the other party(ies) are not enjoying themselves as much as I think they could, that's not my problem. I can only take care of myself.
peace…
I was involved in a threesome and foursome over the holiday break when I went away. I have to say I loved both. It was all woman of course, but I found a lot of it very sensual. Adding in some kink was fun to. I was restrained spread-eagle to the bed and had these other three women using me as they wanted. I loved every minute of it. That's just me though…Kara XOXOXO
I was involved in a threesome and foursome over the holiday break when I went away. I have to say I loved both. It was all woman of course, but I found a lot of it very sensual. Adding in some kink was fun to. I was restrained spread-eagle to the bed and had these other three women using me as they wanted. I loved every minute of it. That's just me though…Kara XOXOXO
I was involved in a threesome and foursome over the holiday break when I went away. I have to say I loved both. It was all woman of course, but I found a lot of it very sensual. Adding in some kink was fun to. I was restrained spread-eagle to the bed and had these other three women using me as they wanted. I loved every minute of it. That's just me though…Kara XOXOXO
I was involved in a threesome and foursome over the holiday break when I went away. I have to say I loved both. It was all woman of course, but I found a lot of it very sensual. Adding in some kink was fun to. I was restrained spread-eagle to the bed and had these other three women using me as they wanted. I loved every minute of it. That's just me though…Kara XOXOXO
I was involved in a threesome and foursome over the holiday break when I went away. I have to say I loved both. It was all woman of course, but I found a lot of it very sensual. Adding in some kink was fun to. I was restrained spread-eagle to the bed and had these other three women using me as they wanted. I loved every minute of it. That's just me though…Kara XOXOXO
I was involved in a threesome and foursome over the holiday break when I went away. I have to say I loved both. It was all woman of course, but I found a lot of it very sensual. Adding in some kink was fun to. I was restrained spread-eagle to the bed and had these other three women using me as they wanted. I loved every minute of it. That's just me though…Kara XOXOXO
I've had enough of both to know that I have to agree with Brit here. As a part of a D/s couple where I am the Domme, maybe that makes things a little different. But being with another couple has always led to nothing but a good time. Threesomes can lead to jealousy beyond belief (not with my man and I ever, but in the past). I think couples sex works because each couple knows what they're getting and we always end up going home with the person we love, which is nice.
Also, when Profligacy said that the third party is "allowed" to be there by the member of the same sex… also not always the case. I'm usually a lesbian and my man is straight-ish, so tables are always turning. I know you didn't mean anything by it, just know that that's not always the case.
On a totally different note, being able to call Brit a friend in real life AND in our other lives makes me so happy and knowing that both of you are out there, living your lives and doing what you do gives me hope that my relationship will work out as well. Thanks for being there! <3
I've been a part of a foursome. It was definitely not fantastic. The real problem with that was that the male part was extremely disrespectful. It made us reevaluate who we choose to play with. Respect is key in any play aspect in my opinion.
So you don’t have sex with other people outside of threesomes or foursomes? I know that’s a really personal question and obviously you don’t have to answer. It’s just that this post gives that impression and I’m just wondering how you deal with that since you guys live so far apart.
Alana,
Brit and I only swing while we are both present, in the same room, participating together. The reasons are personal, strong, based on our relationship structure and mutual experiences.
We love seeing other get off. It is a beautiful thing. The distance right now is hard of course but I think we deal with it quite well through trust, Skype and various D/s aspects. When we get very frustrated the D/s side plays a much larger part in our relationship to fill that void.
We work hard to be together as often as possible and on the plan for a life in the same location. Both these things keep us sane.
being the ever curious one… a threesome was offered to me and my love.. we talked a good long time . talked with friends who swing and got lots of good advice..
sadly it never came in to play (bad pun)
due to the other being a virgin and in my eyes not mature enough to deal with a couple. he certainly wanted too but on a emotional level i dont think he was ready.. now for the future if we find someone who knows…
I agree with both of you guys here. It actually depends on who is involved more then ANYTHING else. I have met couples who things can just go wild with almost no restrictions and then there are some where very strict rules apply, they just wanted something specific. The couples you just "click" with and just do what feels good are almost always the best experiences. Of course in my relationships swinging always has some restraints. My current gal doesn't like hardswap except of the same sex. Otherwise there are no real limits on oral or otherwise.
Like Britini said, there are some seriously bad times when someone gets jealous, usually after the fact, turning the whole evening, which might have been amazing, into nothing but sadness and frustration. Knowing that people who you spent a lot of time getting to know will NEVER talk to you again or will be too awkward around you is a horrible feeling.
Other then that, both threesomes and foursomes are not that different… it is all in who is involved.
Like you guys my partners and I have always played in the same house. Although always in the same room within view on the first through third meetings. It is all a comfort thing. But all my foursomes were while I was in a relationship with other couples… meeting two different people and bringing them into things would just be messy.
Can I recommend a site for people interested in this? (I don't work for them, don't worry.) I've found http://www.lifestylelounge.com is a great way to meet swingers, be them Vanilla (Vanilla Swingers? Hmm) or Kink. Lots of levels of discretion on that site, too, so your privacy is protected. It's definitely more geared toward couples. Single girls are always welcome and often single guys, but just like most sexytime sites, however, it's harder to be successful as a single man. Downside: you do have to pay to sign up, however.