Problem Solving

Lately, Jesus and I have not had much sex. This is in no way his choice. My sex drive has just completely disappeared.  Our desire discrepancy can really take a toll on our relationship. He becomes frustrated and often resentful, which is not how he wants to feel. He knows that I’m not choosing to have zero sex drive, and feels badly about it. I begin to feel guilty or like I’m a disappointment as a partner because I know I’m not satisfying my partner’s desires. He never makes me feel guilty, and I couldn’t ask for him to be more tolerant or understanding.

Finally, out of desperation to please him on my part and a desperation to get off on his, we found something that works for us. Jesus is really into calling phone sex lines. He began calling them when he was in an unhappy place in a previous relationship, and it’s something that he’s continued to do from time to time. And so I encourage him to call them with me. Sometimes I’ll blow him while he calls the phone lines. Sometimes I’ll just sit back and watch him jerk off on the phone. Sometimes he’ll put porn on while this happens, too.

While we still want to be having more sex with each other, this solution is working out well for both of us. He gets off and I get to be involved in that process. We’re also looking into finding a female to come play with us, or just with Jesus while I watch. I’m super excited about the idea, and I’m hopeful that the experience will reignite a spark of some kind into my desire for sex. Until then, we’ll keep finding ways to satisfy him that don’t involve me feeling like I have to give in and have sex when I’m not really feeling it, which is something that neither of us wants.

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  1. SaNo Gravatar
    Posted April 19, 2011 at 1:58 am | Permalink

    Sounds like you are both handling this well. Sorry to be inquisitive and feel free to shut me up harshly, does this have anything to do with your medication at the moment? Could a doctor help?

    • Britni TheVadgeWigNo Gravatar
      Posted April 19, 2011 at 7:56 am | Permalink

      It very well may be, but I’m not sure. The meds I’m on *shouldn’t* reduce my sex drive, but who knows.

  2. Ev`YanNo Gravatar
    Posted April 20, 2011 at 3:58 pm | Permalink

    I’m dealing with this too, & it’s causing a major rift in my marriage.

    Question: what medication are you on?

    I’m on a combo of birth control & an SSRI (anti-depressant). I’m sure one or the other (or perhaps both) is causing my lack of desire.

    If you’d like, you can email me:

    • Britni TheVadgeWigNo Gravatar
      Posted April 21, 2011 at 9:52 am | Permalink

      I’m on Levoxil for my hypothyroidism and Wellbutrin for depression. I switched to Wellbutrin from an SSRI (Lexapro) for several reasons, one of which was that it killed my sex drive. SSRIs can have that side effect for a lot of people, and it’s worth mentioning to your doctor because often there’s something they can do. I’m also on birth control but looking to switch to an IUD in the near future.

      I explore my struggles with finding the right meds in my “Medication Diaries” category, if you want to read more about it.

  3. RedNo Gravatar
    Posted April 24, 2011 at 11:23 pm | Permalink

    The loss of libido happened to me while I was on the Ring after a few months of using it. I went from wanting sex to dead from the waist down and it was terrible. After stopping using the Ring my sex drive is slowly, but surely, coming back.

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