I’m not quite sure how I followed a link to TrèsSugar, but I noticed a column at the top of the page that said, “Sunday Confession: I Have Herpes.” I clicked, pleasantly surprised to see what I expected to be a column that attempted to destigmatize herpes. What I read was this:
I have genital herpes.
Imagine turning 19 years old and on your 19th birthday your gynecologist calls you just to tell you that you tested positive for herpes. I found out February 2010 on my birthday. It was pretty difficult.
All my friends know. Even my best friend. Now I have no friends. No best friends. I believe that my boyfriend of 9 months gave me herpes. I had unprotected sex with him and 3 days later a bump appeared on my vagina. I have had three breakouts since then. They are less painful as the time goes on, but the fact that I have it never goes away.
I stay with my boyfriend because I do not want to give herpes to anyone else. My advice to all people out there, use protection, and never trust anyone when they say they don’t have anything!
I am horrified and saddened all at once. This confession is a great example of why comprehensive sex education is so important and websites like Scarleteen are so vital (if you haven’t been following their blog carnival, you can read the complete round up over at AAG’s. Yes, I know I’m a terrible person for not contributing. I’M SORRY. I’VE BEEN WORKING A LOT LATELY).
I’m horrified and saddened that the people that this girl trusted enough to disclose this information to would completely shun her for it. I’m horrified and saddened that her “friends” would stop talking to her because she has an STD. I’m horrified and saddened that people still think that having an STD makes someone “dirty” or “bad.” I’m horrified and saddened that these people are punishing her because she contracted an STD by having sex with her boyfriend, someone she was in a relationship with.
I’m sad that this girl (maybe) wasn’t taught enough about safer sex practices. I’m sad for her that the person she trusted to share her body with gave her an STD and violated her trust by not telling her that he had one beforehand, and allowing her to have unprotected sex with him. And then I wonder whether he knows that he has herpes. I want to tell her to tell him that she has it, in case he does not, so that they can protect themselves. I want to tell her that she does not have to stay with someone because she feels like she’s now “dirty” or “tainted” in some way. I want to tell her about safer sex practices, and the ways that you can avoid spreading STDs to your partners. I want to tell her that having herpes does not “ruin” her for other people, and that it isn’t her fault.
And the sad fact remains that all of this could have been avoided if everyone involved had just had some comprehensive sex education. All of it.
I'm Britni, a snarky bitch and generally awesome person. I write about sex, love, and bullshit. If sex-positivity, discussions about BDSM and kink, queer issues, and topics that are completely inappropriate by society's standards make you uncomfortable, then this blog is not for you.
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One Comment
This outcome is all too familiar. I’m lucky that none of my friends thought herpes was reason to cut off our friendship, but I did stay with the fucker who gave it to me far longer than I should have because I thought no one else would ever touch me again.
The stigma is far worse than the infection. We really need to do all we can to destigmatize STDs. Imagine if everyone shunned you when you caught the flu? It’s just that stupid. Infections are a part of life. Using condoms to help prevent them is the best way you can (short of abstinence) prevent the spread, but for cripes’ sake, if someone catches something it doesn’t make them an untouchable.