Salon posted the 10 most baffling Twilight products, and a Tantus dildo was one of the products listed. And it’s true, Tantus does have a dildo inspired by Twilight. But it’s not the one that Salon thinks!
“Twilight” is the color of this dildo (the O2 Niagara). It also comes in “Ice” (blue) and “Candy” (pink). So which Tantus dildo *is* inspired by Twilight? The Vamp!
Ya know, as in “vampire?” It even sparkles, just like Edward.
Another “sexy” product inspired by Twilight? Twilight condoms.
Ya know, for a series that promotes abstinence as hard as it does, it’s almost ironic to have Twilight condoms.
I'm Britni, a snarky bitch and generally awesome person. I write about sex, love, and bullshit. If sex-positivity, discussions about BDSM and kink, queer issues, and topics that are completely inappropriate by society's standards make you uncomfortable, then this blog is not for you.
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Spoilers!:
In the third Twilight movie, Bella tries to initiate sex with Edward and Edward is like “No, not till we’re married.”
And I couldn’t help but think to myself “Why doesn’t Edward just buy Bella a dildo like the Tantus one to tide her over until they get married. That way she doesn’t have to stay all hot & bothered and be disappointed!” Or Bella could just buy one herself.
That way everybody wins!
I will confess to watching “Eclipse” and the best part about it was how many of the impressionable teenagers would say “aww” after Edward’s cheesy lines, and their parents would just chuckle sarcastically. Also, I sweartogod that me and a friend of mine came up with the “Twilight Inspired Dildoes” idea before Tantus did. DAMMIT TANTUS, STOP READING MY MIND!!!!
Of course they got the dildo wrong. And of course they made a remark about it being “tacky”. Sex toys are just so grody, amirite?
I once saw a blog post saying one of the reasons Twilight is so popular is that it’s hundreds and hundreds of pages of foreplay. Which… yeah, pretty much, imo.
I would hope that any twilight condom worth its salt would transform your lover’s cock into a SPARKLEPEEN.
I’m pondering if I should be grossed out or laught hysterically. But then, I could always do both.
Clitter, meet your male counterpart.