Good to know he still lives up to his nickname.
But man, that shit HURTS.
EDIT: It’s gone from purple to blue.
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Britni TheVadgeWig
I'm Britni, a snarky bitch and generally awesome person. I write about sex, love, and bullshit. If sex-positivity, discussions about BDSM and kink, queer issues, and topics that are completely inappropriate by society's standards make you uncomfortable, then this blog is not for you.
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Get Yourself Off
Good Vibes 
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22 Comments
…no… =(
For as rocky as our relationship was, he’s never left as an influence in my life, and he really is a good guy and a good friend. And I clearly went somewhere I felt safe, which may or may not have been appropriate. But he shouldn’t be judged for anything, because, despite what happened with us, he’s a great person.
Is that a bruise from a bite or a hit? And why go back to him, dont you ever learn?
A bite. And “going back to him?” He’s never stopped being a friend, whether I stopped writing about him or not. I’m not dating him. I fucked him. He’s a safe person, that I trust, have been with before, and know the sex is good. But why do I feel the need to defend this so hard to someone that doesn’t know either of us?
Don’t defend it. There’s no need to.
But don’t act surprised that people are commenting about the WTF-ness of it. You stopped writing about him, and at that point it the connection with him seemed broken and causing you nothing but pain, based on what you’d written to then. There’s really no clear place where he regained “friend” status or anything else. True, there’s also noplace where he specifically lost the status, so we may have just inferred incorrectly. But, a lot of us did, so clearly it wasn’t conveyed through the text.
All that said: It’s good that you feel like you have someone you can trust for sex, despite any prior history or potential for drama/whatever. Don’t apologize or defend it. Do what you need to do to recover.
Minor suggestion: Be careful and wary of your emotions. (/duh.)
You feel you have to defend yourself, because we (your readers, and some of them friends) care about you, and we say stuff you actually don’t want to hear.
Just read back about what you wrote about that guy in the past. That might have been an exaggeration (I know I sometimes write stuff a bit more extreme than it really is, because my emotions can be really intense at times), but it did not sound good, not at all. And the first thing you do after you break up with someone you had a very deep and good relationship with (at least, that is how it seemed by reading everything), is sleeping with the guy who seemed to be the completely opposite of loving and safe.
This sounds like extreme rebound to me. And rebound is meant in more than one way here. Please take good care of yourself.
/Nuclear Rainbow
I want to avoid acting like I’m your mother right now because it’s not something you respond well to. So… (((hug))) is all I can offer. I’m sorry to hear about your break up. =/
“I’m angry at myself for being self-destructive. I’m angry at myself for continuing to go back for more torture… I’m angry at myself for not having enough self-control to say no to him. I’m angry at myself for being so desperate to be loved that I pretend that he cares about me even though I know he doesn’t. I’m angry at myself for not being stronger than this.”
Don’t let yourself fall back into the same self-destructive behavior now that you’re hurting. You deserve better than that.
(Despite our differences and the fact that you think all I do is criticize & challenge you, the truth is that I do care about you and want you to be healthy & happy.)
I just don’t get you. I think that’s what it all comes down to. Lucky for both of us, I suppose, I don’t have to.
I hope you find whatever it is you’re looking for.
Someone once said to me that I did karate as a way of punishing myself. I gloried in the bruises on my arms and legs.
Being with Ruf allowed me to learn to cherish my body and now I practice yoga to be kind to it. And I no longer starve myself.
Perhaps you need to reassess the way that you choose the people you want to be with, the reasons why you need to have the violence to feel safe. It took me three decades to start learning these lessons and it may be too soon in your own journey.
Take care of yourself x
Why do I feel like I’ll be attacked if I was to say I totally understand why you wanted to fuck him. If it’s someone you feel comfortable around, then after a break up, you just want to be with them for a minute to (thank you, Peached) fuck the pain away. And a good bitten and bruised lip from rebound fuckin’ can sometimes feel really good… a reminder that you’re alive.
I get you, grrl! Don’t worry! You’re a badass and I’ve known you (even in real life, so hooray on not just being a reader who has never met you!) for long enough to know that you’re a big girl and you sure as hell can take care of yourself.
xo, homegirl!
The thing is, Lindsay, Brit herself has said before what a “self-destructive” relationship she had with the Bruiser & how she hated herself for getting involved with him. She has complained about what an awful person he is and how he uses her and hurts her over and over again.
If she wants to have rebound sex, that’s all good, but we just don’t want to see her get hurt by falling into the same pattern with him.
… and by “Peached”, I mean “Peaches”…. obviously hahaha
Ignore them, Britni. I understand. Sometimes you form connections with people who weren’t good for you in certain contexts but you find them to be just what you need in others. Just because you had a rocky history with him doesn’t mean he can’t be there to make you feel not alone and it doesn’t mean he’s an inherently bad person. My friends always judged X because of how he treated me but they never gave him a chance to prove that he was actually a good person.
Even after X and I ended, I convinced him to fuck me once more. To let me stay the night a few more times. It wasn’t because I wanted to go back to him or wanted to go back to the way things were at all. The sex was because I knew he could give me what I needed. I needed to be able to say ‘hurt me’ and have him know exactly what that meant. The spending the night was just because I didn’t want to be alone.
So yeah. I feel for you. I’m sorry about what happened recently, but I’m glad you’ve found someone who you can trust and who you feel safe with. When you hurt as bad as I imagine you do, it helps so much to just have someone physically there.
Hugs.
“but, like, maybe don’t post pictures of that possibly permanent wound as if it’s a trophy of your sexual freedom.”
But, like, maybe you should, like, not look if it, like, totes bothers you so much. Like, srsly.
“Especially when the rest of us see it for what it is: Another cry for help.”
“The rest of us” = “The people who don’t actually know you, but feel like playing Dr. Phil today and giving out their unsolicited interwebz advice behind anonymity.”
Because I don’t need to put up with assholes.
Every time I say I can’t watch, I come back for one more glimpse…..and then you say you don’t want criticism.
Grow up, girl. You don’t need to be me at 48, with scars running up and down your body from trying to put some form to the pain. Somehow I have a feeling that your beloved Profligacy couldn’t watch either…….
Best of luck, darlin’. You need it.
I have never personally attacked you, never called you names, never wished you harm in any way. All I have done is support you when I agreed with you & challenged your way of thinking when I didn’t agree with you. Any time someone expresses concern over your decisions, you see it only as “judgment” and “criticism.” You may call what I say “parental and unnecessary,” I see it as “caring and very necessary that SOMEone tell you these things.”
Despite the absence of personal attacks & the fact that I only want to see you happy & healthy, you block me on Twitter. This proves to me that all you want is attention and validation. You don’t want to better yourself, you are comfortable in the little drug and booze-fueled world that you live in. There are far too many people who enable you, and I won’t be one of them. I won’t tell you what you want to hear just to stay your friend or your Twitter follower.
I truly hope that changes someday, that you open yourself up to things you don’t want to hear but may be good for you, and that you find yourself and what you’re looking for. You deserve better than what you’re doing to yourself.
I also deserve to live my life without random people being my parent about it.
Then stopping your blog probably is the best thing. If you write about your bad decisions in a public forum, some people are going to express concern. That’s the nature of the interwebz.
Good luck.
It is, as I’ve said, like watching a train wreck. Concerned people actually offer opinions….you just only want agreement.
If you want peace, keep your thoughts to yourself.
I DON’T just want agreement. But I don’t need a parent. I don’t need to be told I’m a vile person. I don’t need to be told I have no business being in the mental health field because I’m a trainwreck. I don’t need to be called a homewrecking whore. I don’t need to be asked how I can sleep at night. I don’t need to be called pathetic and awful. There is a big difference between those things, and saying that you don’t think something was a good move.
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[...] lot of people disagreed with my decision to sleep with The Bruiser after my break-up with Profligacy. However, there were reasons for the decision. Everyone has a [...]