Lilly wrote a post for Eden Cafe about identity that really got me thinking. In it, she talks about how separate “Lilly,” her sex-blogging persona, is from “L,” her “real world” persona. She talks about how sometimes Lilly could use more of L, and L could use more of Lilly, but for the most part, they are very separate, and it’s a very necessary separation for her to have. I left a comment that I want to repost here, and expand on it. I said:

I’m a rare breed in the sex blogging world, because what you see on my blog is pretty much who you meet in real life. It’s really freeing and amazing, but sometimes it gets me in trouble. I say inappropriate things and don’t care who I offend, but I want to temper that a bit. My struggle is to rein The Vagina Wig in, and find a more socially acceptable persona for Britni, especially now as I join The Real World. And for me, that is going to be a huge challenge.

And this is true. I’m one of the few sex bloggers that is completely “me” on this blog AND in real life. What you see is what you get. In fact, any bloggers that have met me in person always say to me, “Wow! You’re exactly what I expected! You are just like your blog!” Yes, I am. I lack pretense. I lack a filter. I say what I want, and don’t care if it makes people uncomfortable. I broach taboo subjects in public places. I say what’s on my mind, regardless of my audience. If people don’t like me, fuck ‘em. I’m me, and love me or hate me, you’ll sure as hell take me as I am. Because I don’t know how to be anyone else but me. And I love me. I think I’m pretty rad.

But I’m a Grown Up now. I’m entering The Real World. In The Real World, you have to hold a job. You have to be professional. You have to be socially acceptable. There are things you can’t say at work, or in front of colleagues, or in front of kids. You have to bite your tongue, temper your opinion, tread carefully and lightly. I don’t do any of those things well. It’s not in my nature to change who I am or what I say to make other people more comfortable. Doing so goes against everything I believe in. I think that most people have sticks up their asses and get way too caught up on what is “polite,” “right,” or “acceptable.” Fuck those things. Do you.
But I have to learn that I can’t always “do me.” Sometimes, I’m going to have to play the game. And that’s gonna be a tough pill for me to swallow. I want someone to hire me or interact with me because they want me. 100% of me. Not the “public me.” Not the persona I wear so that I don’t make waves. Not the hat I wear when I wanted to be accepted and respected. I don’t want to have to have a “public me,” a persona, or change hats. But I know I’m going to have to learn.
The Vagina Wig is awesome. But she’s going to have to let Real World Britni develop, if I have any hope of succeeding in life. It sucks, but I know it’s the truth. But that doesn’t mean I have to like it.
Photo source.
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  1. Sulpicia
    Posted February 8, 2010 at 1:15 am | Permalink

    Nope. You don't have to like it but you can pick your battles.

  2. aliasmisskat
    Posted February 8, 2010 at 3:42 am | Permalink

    I just discovered your blog thanks to Epiphora, and am happy to find a Jez who don't just comment anonymously, but works to be articulate and honest about everything.

    I think as you make your way in The Real World it gets easier. Through your blog you subvert the normal perception of things (which is freaking awesome, by the way). In The Real World you learn to subvert in more subtle ways. It's one thing to just tell people to fuck off. It's quite another to tell them to fuck off without them realizing it until they walk away. Watching what you say in front of children takes some getting used to, but it's something I personally don't have a problem with. Kids like it when you're honest, but I try keep my language and subject matter appropriate for age.

    I've been in the working and adult world for many years, and while I do have a "professional" side, it's mostly a muted version of myself, rather than a completely different persona. My last boss was an exceedingly nice man, who had some "vintage" views on workplace relationships, as well as being a fairly conservative christian. I laughed in his face the first time he called me dear, and called him out when he referred to me in an email as "his girl." He never quite knew what to make of me, but we got along famously, even for being polar opposites. By the time I eventually was laid off due to the imploding auto industry, his habits and long standing opinions of women began to change.

    So, to wrap up my book, you can be you, even in The Real World. It just takes some practice.

  3. alana
    Posted February 8, 2010 at 12:34 pm | Permalink

    I'm the same way and my only advice is it’s never a good idea to call your boss a dumb ass. lol

    Seriously though, who is the “real” me or you anyways? Why is it we don’t consider our public face to the word as a valid part of that whole? This is something I’ve considered a lot in the past (since being authentic is one of my highest personal priorities) and I’ve come to accept that the woman who politely listens while some crazy father bitches about his sons missing two dollar soccer trophy is just as much a part me as the Alana who bitches about the world on her blog. I don’t want to be all things at all times, even all the parts of me, and I think that’s okay.

  4. Meg
    Posted February 8, 2010 at 12:42 pm | Permalink

    You get to a point where you find a happy medium. I definitely act differently in my classroom than I do out of it. My kids, for example, have no need to know about my private life, my political beliefs (I just tell them one of the most beautiful things about our democracy is that we have the right to PRIVACY in our voting) or anything else that I feel is none of their business.

    You'll find that happy medium yourself. Give it time.

  5. Dangerous Lilly
    Posted February 8, 2010 at 8:08 pm | Permalink

    This might be another one I end up re-posting on my own blog, because I had hoped to get more insight from fellow bloggers.

    but yes my dear girl…enjoy being you while you still can. for very soon you'll have to entirely leave Never Never Land ;) and guess what?

    it sucks.

    do you know how badly I've wanted to tell someone in my real life about my success with e[lust]? or my trips to NY for the calendar parties? but I can't. and it's hard.

  6. Britni TheVadgeWig
    Posted February 8, 2010 at 10:37 pm | Permalink

    Lilly, I think in your case, I sympathize most with the fact that you really don't have ANYONE you can share it with. Even if you have to have a work persona, or have certain friends that you can't share things like this with, not being able to share it with anyone at all would be exceedingly difficult.

  7. longingsend
    Posted February 9, 2010 at 8:26 am | Permalink

    It's kind of interesting. Obviously our blog doesn't show our faces. I don't write about my career as it is too unique and would give me away. But the way Sylvanus and I write about each other is exactly what you get in real life. What we do choose to share is exactly us, however, we just leave some bits and pieces out. I actually like doing that. It's kind of nice to meet a reader in real life and let them in on the complete us and have them walking away with so much more than they came in. So I kind of like being a little anon. Not that there is anything wrong with being completely out there. Now that I've lost my job, I too have been thinking of going balls out. Just not convinced yet.

    xo Mina

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