D/s From My Master’s Prospective

I asked my Master if He would like to post something to my blog. He readily complied, and here is what He has to say regarding D/s and what it means to Him. This post will serve as a brief introduction to Him and His views on the lifestyle, which, combined with what you’ve read about mine, should help you to gather a fairly good understanding of our relationship now, and where our relationship will progress in the future. Please leave Him lots of comments; this is His first blog post!

Brit asked if I would like to post something. I certainly could not pretend to have her gift for words, or her bravery for complete emotional disclosure. However, I do enjoy writing at times,and after pondering this request, felt perhaps I could add depth to some of her thoughts on D/s especially, since I am in fact her Master.

In her post on assertiveness and submission Brit explained how she feels she can be both submissive and empowered without abuse or coercion, through choice and consent. Those are complicated and seemingly contradictory adjectives, but I think she explained it well enough. So what I will comment on is the other statement in the quoted post from Advizor that said:

“There are a lot of D/s blogs to choose from, but from my reading, and acknowledged lack of experience, most of them are power trips from the D-side, and pale attempts at capturing, or expunging, a sexual father fixation on the /s-side.”

To this I would have to say, you are absolutely right on both counts. There are a lot of D-side Napoleon types that confuse control for Domination and many tortured (mentally and/or physically) subs looking to finally please an authority figure or regain the power that was taken from them by their abuser. However, the most satisfying of D/s relationships answer something much more revealing, personal, and delicate that we all have: acceptance and being wanted.

Wikipedia has what I think is an excellent description of Dominance and submission. It is interesting to me how common a lot of the role play is. So common, in fact, that slang and terminology has developed. It is also fair to say that the popularity and openness of this type of play has become evident with the thriving BDSM accessory stores and web sites Advizor noted. The article also listed some of the common myths about BDSM:

  • Dominants are naturally cruel people.
  • Submissives are naturally weak-willed “doormats.”
  • Submissives are attempting to re-live childhood abuse.
  • Women who are into D/s are nymphomaniacs, or indiscriminate sex partners.
  • D/s is usually a case of “role-reversal” with people who have much power and responsibility in real life often preferring a submissive role.

A freeform style of D/s interests me more than any ritualized system and “Old Guard” always sounded like bad cologne. Freeform is more like an open conversation and easier to enjoy because, frankly, I never know what is going to happen. How is that for domineering!? Oh sure, I may have one or two particular images that I wish to achieve, but how I will get there and what this will lead to next is controlled by the sub as much as me. If I force what I sense she is not into, I risk loosing the buzz and diminishing the results. Just as in a conversation over coffee, if you sense the other person stumble or hit a sensitive subject, you may either choose to pursue it or feel that going there would not be prudent. Knowing this is usually based on how well you know that person and what you think they need to hear. So D/s definitely works better if you are close and open to each other. Walking into a scene as a Dom with someone you are not attracted to or do not have chemistry and connection with is a recipe for one or both partners not being satisfied.

So, imagine the best vanilla relationship you have ever had for a moment. Remember the dance of learning each other, the infatuated joy of finding someone that wanted you, the fear of losing them if they did not like everything about you. In D/s you can throw a lot of garbage on the table up front. Most of it you may not feel strongly about, but one can learn volumes from what another enjoys and fears. As a result, D/s can create intense bonds quickly and, I feel, just as meaningfully. I would rather know in a week that someone is not meant for me rather than waste 3 years in a vanilla relationship only to argue over the division of a music collection.

If D/s is treated as an honest conversation leading to open acceptance and feeling truly wanted, despite it all, suddenly the myths melt away. What is left is a deep meaningful union that has traveled to the darkest places and returned unscathed. A boot camp for life, perhaps. Opening up to someone in this way can be a dry run at trusting and proving your love for the joys experienced by another. And isn’t that what we all want?

To Brit: Thank God I have found you. You love me, in spite of me, and through your service I have truly found myself. The fact you do not smell of Old Guard is a plus. :)

Profligacy, aka Mr. Shameless

If you guys have any questions for my Master, please leave them in the comments. I think this is an amazing post, and hope to make Him a regular guest poster around these parts.
This entry was posted in BDSM, Relationships and tagged . Bookmark the permalink. Post a comment or leave a trackback: Trackback URL.


  1. Nell Gwynne
    Posted September 7, 2009 at 9:33 am | Permalink


    Great post.

    I wish I could say something with a little more substance, but I think that sums it up.

  2. Sexie Sadie~
    Posted September 7, 2009 at 9:44 am | Permalink

    This is a wonderful look into a sometimes confusing paradigm. Very well written, Mr. Shameless, and a really informative look into the mind of a Master.

    Awesome, really! My experience with D/s is what Advizor described, but I know that this is not always the case. It's great to hear this in a parallel to a vanilla relationship.


  3. Gray
    Posted September 7, 2009 at 12:18 pm | Permalink

    Awee he posted.. That is such a cool view on the D/s lifestyle. I am so happy for you Brit!

  4. mrs. m
    Posted September 7, 2009 at 12:56 pm | Permalink

    i love that he posted! fantastic read.

    i wonder how many naughty sexual favors i'd have to offer mister for him to post! lol.

    i'm happy for you britni!

  5. Kara and Jessica
    Posted September 7, 2009 at 1:21 pm | Permalink

    That's great that your Master posted. It's always nice to hear each of your points of view on things. That's why I enjoy enjoy doing the joint blog with Jess so much. Hope we can here more of him in the future . Kara XOXO

  6. alana
    Posted September 7, 2009 at 1:42 pm | Permalink


  7. blueeyedtawni
    Posted September 7, 2009 at 1:56 pm | Permalink

    welcome to your master :)
    im in a i guess what you call a vanilla relationship with some spice thrown in LOL. Ive always enjoyed the aspect of a dm/sub relationship but stop at certain things past the tieing up the pleasurable pain and such. the spankings and such while the pictures i enjoy i cant get past the control issue from my past mentally and emotionally abusive marriage.
    My question is any is there anything i can do to being a bit more spice to my boyfriend. hes a love and willing to learn and do most things :0)
    also with the safe word is it guaranteed it works for the dm to listen when its said or do they say you can take it a bit more?
    very curious and learning still :)
    thanks for my silly questions ^_^

  8. Eliot
    Posted September 7, 2009 at 2:04 pm | Permalink

    Mr. Shameless:

    Thanks for writing this post and introducing yourself, so to speak. I share your view of D/s 100%. I think you'll be good for each other, and I hope you both find happiness being together.

    Oh, and this: "I would rather know in a week that someone is not meant for me rather than waste 3 years in a vanilla relationship only to argue over the division of a music collection."

    Fucking A, yes, I agree with this! And that's why things tend to happen pretty fast for me: I don't dick around when finding out if I'm compatible with someone.

    I hope this is not the last we hear from you, Mr. Shameless. Take care.

  9. MIXED
    Posted September 7, 2009 at 3:13 pm | Permalink

    "a boot camp for life"

    i like it! great post!

  10. Topaz
    Posted September 7, 2009 at 7:13 pm | Permalink

    For me, it is summed up nicely in the coffee analogy. You take a highly misunderstood subject and lay it out in terms that requires so little clarification. Granted, I could never understand without the experience, but it gives me a better understanding of the lifestyle as it is, and not the generally accepted 'old guard' mentality ;-)

    Nice to meet you, Mr. Shameless! Thanks for posting this, Britni!

  11. Profligacy
    Posted September 8, 2009 at 6:55 am | Permalink

    Blueeyedtawni thanks for the question. A safe word MUST work every time but there should be repercussions for the sub as well. This could be the session ending immediately and Master watches TV or some other activity where the sub gets ignored a bit. Safe words should not be used if they are not needed.

    Something new? Promise to repeat everything he says in first person while he holds your wrists.

    Mr. Shameless

  12. xX...Amy...Xx
    Posted September 8, 2009 at 7:10 am | Permalink

    Hello Mr. Shameless! This was a really great post, it's not something that have a lot of knowledge/experience of but I enjoyed your comments on the matter.

    And the bit at the end really made me smile. I'm really happy for you two :)


  13. blueeyedtawni
    Posted September 8, 2009 at 12:06 pm | Permalink

    grins.. thanks mr.shameless.
    learning is always a good thing:)

Post a Comment

Your email is never published nor shared. Required fields are marked *


You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

Subscribe without commenting

  • This site contains adult content and is not intended for anyone under the age of 18. Under 18? Click here:


  • Britni TheVadgeWig

    PhotobucketI'm Britni, a snarky bitch and generally awesome person. I write about sex, love, and bullshit. If sex-positivity, discussions about BDSM and kink, queer issues, and topics that are completely inappropriate by society's standards make you uncomfortable, then this blog is not for you.
    Photobucket Photobucket
  • Because I Am a Shameless, Broke-Ass Bitch

    All donations are welcome, of course! You can always buy me something off my wishlist, as well.

  • Get Yourself Off

    Good Vibes PinkCherry Sex Toys Love yourself. Everyday. Tickle. Photobucket ER-150x250-1a_3 / JT's Stockroom
  • Photobucket
  • See My Writing At

    Photobucket Photobucket
  • Watch Them Get Off

    visit ifeelmyself.com Photobucket visit beautifulagony.com
  • The What

  • The Who

  • Go Back In Time