D/s From My Master’s Prospective

By Britni TheVadgeWig | Published: September 7, 2009

I asked my Master if He would like to post something to my blog. He readily complied, and here is what He has to say regarding D/s and what it means to Him. This post will serve as a brief introduction to Him and His views on the lifestyle, which, combined with what you’ve read about mine, should help you to gather a fairly good understanding of our relationship now, and where our relationship will progress in the future. Please leave Him lots of comments; this is His first blog post!

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Brit asked if I would like to post something. I certainly could not pretend to have her gift for words, or her bravery for complete emotional disclosure. However, I do enjoy writing at times,and after pondering this request, felt perhaps I could add depth to some of her thoughts on D/s especially, since I am in fact her Master.

In her post on assertiveness and submission Brit explained how she feels she can be both submissive and empowered without abuse or coercion, through choice and consent. Those are complicated and seemingly contradictory adjectives, but I think she explained it well enough. So what I will comment on is the other statement in the quoted post from Advizor that said:

“There are a lot of D/s blogs to choose from, but from my reading, and acknowledged lack of experience, most of them are power trips from the D-side, and pale attempts at capturing, or expunging, a sexual father fixation on the /s-side.”

To this I would have to say, you are absolutely right on both counts. There are a lot of D-side Napoleon types that confuse control for Domination and many tortured (mentally and/or physically) subs looking to finally please an authority figure or regain the power that was taken from them by their abuser. However, the most satisfying of D/s relationships answer something much more revealing, personal, and delicate that we all have: acceptance and being wanted.

Wikipedia has what I think is an excellent description of Dominance and submission. It is interesting to me how common a lot of the role play is. So common, in fact, that slang and terminology has developed. It is also fair to say that the popularity and openness of this type of play has become evident with the thriving BDSM accessory stores and web sites Advizor noted. The article also listed some of the common myths about BDSM:

Dominants are naturally cruel people.
Submissives are naturally weak-willed “doormats.”
Submissives are attempting to re-live childhood abuse.
Women who are into D/s are nymphomaniacs, or indiscriminate sex partners.
D/s is usually a case of “role-reversal” with people who have much power and responsibility in real life often preferring a submissive role.

A freeform style of D/s interests me more than any ritualized system and “Old Guard” always sounded like bad cologne. Freeform is more like an open conversation and easier to enjoy because, frankly, I never know what is going to happen. How is that for domineering!? Oh sure, I may have one or two particular images that I wish to achieve, but how I will get there and what this will lead to next is controlled by the sub as much as me. If I force what I sense she is not into, I risk loosing the buzz and diminishing the results. Just as in a conversation over coffee, if you sense the other person stumble or hit a sensitive subject, you may either choose to pursue it or feel that going there would not be prudent. Knowing this is usually based on how well you know that person and what you think they need to hear. So D/s definitely works better if you are close and open to each other. Walking into a scene as a Dom with someone you are not attracted to or do not have chemistry and connection with is a recipe for one or both partners not being satisfied.

So, imagine the best vanilla relationship you have ever had for a moment. Remember the dance of learning each other, the infatuated joy of finding someone that wanted you, the fear of losing them if they did not like everything about you. In D/s you can throw a lot of garbage on the table up front. Most of it you may not feel strongly about, but one can learn volumes from what another enjoys and fears. As a result, D/s can create intense bonds quickly and, I feel, just as meaningfully. I would rather know in a week that someone is not meant for me rather than waste 3 years in a vanilla relationship only to argue over the division of a music collection.

If D/s is treated as an honest conversation leading to open acceptance and feeling truly wanted, despite it all, suddenly the myths melt away. What is left is a deep meaningful union that has traveled to the darkest places and returned unscathed. A boot camp for life, perhaps. Opening up to someone in this way can be a dry run at trusting and proving your love for the joys experienced by another. And isn’t that what we all want?

To Brit: Thank God I have found you. You love me, in spite of me, and through your service I have truly found myself. The fact you do not smell of Old Guard is a plus.

Profligacy, aka Mr. Shameless

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If you guys have any questions for my Master, please leave them in the comments. I think this is an amazing post, and hope to make Him a regular guest poster around these parts.