I Deserve

After all the crap that’s been going on with The Bruiser, I haven’t really felt like writing much. I’m emotionally exhausted and what’s left of my heart is pretty shattered. You know how when you’re hurting really badly, it LITERALLY feels like your heart is broken? You can feel that pain in your chest and it feels like the actual organ is going to explode. Yeah. I’ve tried not to think about it, because when I do, I get that literal pain in my heart and that doesn’t feel very good. I’m starting to slip back into that yucky dark place, and I’m trying to avoid falling in. It isn’t all because of The Bruiser, but that obviously contributes to it. However, I’m pretty sure that I’m dysthymic and should be on meds but it’s something that I try to fight on my own. But I digress.

I was driving home today with the windows down. It was 80 degrees. I looked pretty hot. The radio was blasting and I was singing and wearing my kick ass purple sunglasses and I had a thought. “I am fucking fabulous.” I say it about myself all the time, but I don’t know if I really hear myself. I say it, and hope that it will sink in, but I don’t think that it ever really does. But today when I said it to myself, I meant it. I am FUCKING FABULOUS. And because I am fucking fabulous, I deserve certain things in life and in love.
  • I deserve to be respected.
  • I deserve to be pursued.
  • I deserve to be loved.
  • I deserve to be desired.
  • I deserve to be wanted.
  • I deserve to be happy.
It brought me back to that PostSecret card that so often relates to me and my life: “We accept the love we think we deserve.” And I need to start realizing that I deserve the kind of love you read about and see in the moves. I don’t deserve any less than that. I’m sick of being treated like shit. I’m sick of letting people treat me like shit. I’m sick of crying.
When is it my time to be happy? Right fucking NOW is my time to be happy, and I’m going to go about making that happen. Whether I’m with someone or not.

This entry was posted in Relationships, Soul Searching and tagged . Bookmark the permalink. Post a comment or leave a trackback: Trackback URL.


  1. Sa
    Posted April 28, 2009 at 5:14 am | Permalink

    Good for you, congratulations and keep it up. When you feel down, re-read this post and smile at yourself.
    You can do it!

  2. Red
    Posted April 28, 2009 at 5:28 am | Permalink

    You're goddamned right! :D

    Keep that mantra, mama!

  3. Lori D
    Posted April 28, 2009 at 8:01 am | Permalink

    Wow, I've been in that shithole of dysthymia for way too long. I love reading this… you're not waiting for someone to pull you out of the muck. No, instead you know what you deserve, and you deserve to have it!

  4. Brigit
    Posted April 28, 2009 at 8:59 am | Permalink

    You are fucking fabulous! You are a smart, caring, sexy, and funny woman.

    You deserve to be surrounded by awesome people, not spineless* bastards from planet immature douchebag.

    *Seriously, from what I gather from your posts a motherfucking octopus has more of a spine than this guy.
    /goes back to minding her own business

  5. April
    Posted April 28, 2009 at 9:31 am | Permalink

    You go with your fabulous self!

  6. twg
    Posted April 28, 2009 at 10:14 am | Permalink

    You are fabulous. Go with that feeling, girl. You deserve to really feel it more often!

  7. Southern Sage
    Posted April 28, 2009 at 10:36 am | Permalink

    absolutely true @ what you deserve.

    Also true that people will treat you however you allow them to treat you.

    Don't let others tell you how to feel about yourself.

    You are beautiful and a good person and deserve to be treated as such.

    Go get em.

  8. alana
    Posted April 28, 2009 at 11:24 am | Permalink

    Way to go!

  9. ~sublimealice~
    Posted April 28, 2009 at 11:53 am | Permalink

    good girl. you are fabulous.

  10. Eliot
    Posted April 28, 2009 at 1:34 pm | Permalink

    Good girl.

  11. J
    Posted April 29, 2009 at 12:50 pm | Permalink

    I really believe that one (or at least some people) has to be happy with themselves (by themself) to then develop a healthy relationship with another well-adjusted person.

    You don't have to tell yourself that you are fabulous. You don't have to believe that you are fabulous. You have to know that you are fabulous without evening thinking about it.

    Good luck.

Post a Comment

Your email is never published nor shared. Required fields are marked *


You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

Subscribe without commenting

  • This site contains adult content and is not intended for anyone under the age of 18. Under 18? Click here:


  • Britni TheVadgeWig

    PhotobucketI'm Britni, a snarky bitch and generally awesome person. I write about sex, love, and bullshit. If sex-positivity, discussions about BDSM and kink, queer issues, and topics that are completely inappropriate by society's standards make you uncomfortable, then this blog is not for you.
    Photobucket Photobucket
  • Because I Am a Shameless, Broke-Ass Bitch

    All donations are welcome, of course! You can always buy me something off my wishlist, as well.

  • Get Yourself Off

    Good Vibes PinkCherry Sex Toys Love yourself. Everyday. Tickle. Photobucket ER-150x250-1a_3 / JT's Stockroom
  • Photobucket
  • See My Writing At

    Photobucket Photobucket
  • Watch Them Get Off

    visit ifeelmyself.com Photobucket visit beautifulagony.com
  • The What

  • The Who

  • Go Back In Time