The Virgin Fetish

I really don’t get the whole virgin fetish. Why would a guy want to fuck a girl who probably won’t enjoy it, may bleed and possibly cry, and who won’t know what the hell she is doing? Not to mention all that extra emotional attachment that comes after you take someone’s virginity.

I’m not talking about two people who are in a relationship and care about each other. I understand that, and if the girl happens to be a virgin, okay. What I am talking about is the way virginity is so fetishized in our society. Men are obsessed with the hotness of a virgin and the perceived purity of that woman. But I know women who were virgins who were less “pure” than me! Virginity and purity are not one and the same.
So what is it then? The perceived tightness of her vagina? Well, there is such a thing as too tight. And just because someone hasn’t had sex before doesn’t mean that nothing has ever been inserted into her vagina and definitely doesn’t mean she will be any tighter than someone who is not a virgin.
EDIT: I just had this thought, as well. Maybe it’s an ego thing. Like, men don’t have to worry about sucking since she has nothing to compare it to, anyway.
So, guys, what is it about virgins?
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  1. Nolens Volens
    Posted January 12, 2009 at 1:31 pm | Permalink

    I'm gonna take a guess here…most of them have a small dick? Hehe.

  2. theybelongtous
    Posted January 12, 2009 at 1:58 pm | Permalink

    I wonder if it's the whole "going where no man has gone before" thing.


  3. Hammer
    Posted January 12, 2009 at 2:14 pm | Permalink

    Variety is the spice of life, new experience etc

    But yeah, it's probably overrated.

  4. d2b
    Posted January 12, 2009 at 2:50 pm | Permalink

    I do not understand this thing, I value experience more :)

  5. Eliot
    Posted January 12, 2009 at 3:11 pm | Permalink

    I'm a virgin, but not a guy, and I do not understand fetishizing virginity. I can understand the appeal for a guy to have the penis that is the first to enter any and/or all of the virgin's orifices, but looking specifically for a virgin is beyond me. I'm also a very knowledgable virgin, so I'll be going into my first time having ideas of what to expect and what I might like without having any undue expectations, like it's going to be amazing or something to that effect.

    I can understand guys being put off by virgins, especially out of fear that one might make more of the sex than what it is. "Oh, we've had sex, now we must be in love! We'll be together forever!" That sort of thing. As for my lack of experience, I'm a quick learner. hehe

    So, yes, to conclude, I don't get it as a fetish, but I can see how being a virgin's first can be appealing.

  6. Eliot
    Posted January 12, 2009 at 4:53 pm | Permalink

    Re your edit: Unless a virgin was completely and utterly in the dark about sex, I would think that one would have some idea about whether or not the sex was awful. I think I would know the first time I had sex. Of course, we'd have to define what equals good sex. Does she have to come to know if it's good? Does he have to spend X amount of time going down on her? Was he loving and attentive regardless if she came or not? And so on and so forth. So, I think any guy who uses that as a reason to seek a virgin is a dipshit who assumes all virgins are completely clueless.

  7. Britni TheVadgeWig
    Posted January 12, 2009 at 4:59 pm | Permalink

    Eliot: What I meant by the edit was that, especially in a guy's mind, if he has sex with a woman who has never had it before, she won't really know if he is good in bed or not, because she has nothing to compare it to. That's not to say that she has zero sexual experience or that she knows nothing of sexual pleasure, but the fact that she has never had intercourse means that she really won't know what it should feel like, how it should happen, or if it will hurt. There is porn to be watched, but that is a fetishized and unrealistic version of sex.

    And, from reading your blog, you seem to be to be a much more well informed virgin than are most. However, even so, your first time will most likely not be anything like those fantasies and kinks that you have in your head or write about in your blog, because it will be more about just having that first penile penetration and (hopefully) making sure you are comfortable and that it hurts the least amount possible and blah blah. So even though you are more informed than the average virgin, your first time will probably be similar to most people's and not stuff of your fantasies (though if it is, I will be sincerely jealous!)

    Does that make sense?

  8. The Promo Homo
    Posted January 12, 2009 at 5:35 pm | Permalink

    I just realized how gay I really am… because TECHNICALLY some would consider me a virgin since I've never had sex with a man… but I would never, ever consider myself a virgin since I've had a whole, whole, whole lot of lady sex.

    Try THAT on as a conquest. Oy.

    I don't get it either.

    Also, have you seen Towelhead? I watched it last night in all kinds of horror. This post immediately made me think of it.

  9. Red
    Posted January 12, 2009 at 6:11 pm | Permalink

    I feel like the obsession with virgins has a lot to do with the perceived hotness of 'corrupting the good' or 'dirtying the pure and caste' I know I felt this way when I had a male virgin for a friend.

    When I did take that friend's virginity, I regretted it almost immediately. He got all clingy/emo/stalker on me…yeesh. I feel differently about virgins now.

    Also, virginity is associated with youth and men are trained to hunt down the youthful women of the world, no matter the age of the man. Its like that 'barely legal/her first time' porn that's so popular with straight men…::shrug::

  10. Eliot
    Posted January 12, 2009 at 8:08 pm | Permalink

    That makes perfect sense, Britni. I know my first time will most likely be nothing like the fantasies I write, hence the fantasy label. But, shit, if my first time *is* flipping awesome, then you *should* be jealous. lol

    Yeah, I guess I am more informed than most virgins, so I'm a bit biased in my opinion on this. It's a shame more virgins, both male and female, aren't as informed as me. I think perhaps their first-time experiences would be better since they'd know themselves and their own bodies better.

    Oh, and BTW, I hope penetration hurts the first time. ;)

  11. Ms. Inconspicuous
    Posted January 13, 2009 at 1:43 am | Permalink

    What Red said, in the last part.

    In a way, I always unpleasantly associate the virgin fetish with the faintest whiff of pedophilia. That's not to say that the two are intrinsically linked–I just don't think there's a huge leap.

    After all, I'm not sure there are too many virgin fetishists that feel the same way about a 30..35…40 (or older) year old virgin as they do a 15…17…19 (or younger) year old virgin.

  12. April
    Posted January 13, 2009 at 9:45 am | Permalink

    I always thought that it was a combination of things. The perceived tightness, "purity", innocence, an experienced man being somewhat of a teacher, and the going where no man has gone before aspect. It's all quite silly if you ask me.

  13. eva
    Posted January 13, 2009 at 12:09 pm | Permalink

    i agree with what you said in your edit about men not having to worry about sucking. i can see why some very dominant men would get off of the idea of it hurting etc, but i think mostly it's just insecurities. and as someone else said; pedophilia, pureness etc.. fucking hell,

    i'm a much better lover now than when i first had sex.. most people are. maybe a lot of men get off of the IDEA – i mean, i would even like the idea of having a virgin man, just for the fun of it, althoug i think the fun wouldn't last too long;
    when it comes down to techniques and skills and whatnot.. i think everyone would prefer an experienced lover.

  14. Eliot
    Posted January 13, 2009 at 5:07 pm | Permalink

    Ms. Inconspicuous: I agree with you on the age thing.

    eva: "i would even like the idea of having a virgin man, just for the fun of it, althoug i think the fun wouldn't last too long;
    when it comes down to techniques and skills and whatnot.. i think everyone would prefer an experienced lover."

    I think if you were looking only to take his virginity, then sure it wouldn't last much past the initial encounter. But I think it'd be fun to teach him to learn and improve his skills. If everyone preferred an experienced lover, then the number of virgins would be much higher than it is (not that I know what it is now lol). I mean, all experienced lovers started off as awkward virgins. Gotta start somewhere with someone. *shrug*

  15. Red
    Posted January 13, 2009 at 5:47 pm | Permalink


    True dominant men do not get off on actually hurting their partners. You're mixing BDSM with sadism. Doms only inflict stimulus that is asked for, and enjoyed by their subs. "Safe, sane, consensual" is their motto.

    Sorry, as a budding Switch, I had to clear that up! I don't actually want to cause physical pain to any of my partners…none of us wants to cause HARM.

  16. Miss Rydia
    Posted January 13, 2009 at 8:35 pm | Permalink

    Hi. This is my first time commenting but it's sort of necessary to me at the time, so:
    Fuck. I'd much rather have someone like that in my life right now. I just had this conversation with a guy and I really want him to fuck me, but I'm 19 and a virgin. We aren't in a relationship together (we're incredibly different and he never did want to pursue it) and while we both want to do each other, he reckons I should have my first time with someone like me because he doesn't want to hurt me. Like, he's a pervert and doesn't want me to get hurt in any way. Why can't he just think about the tightness or whatever? He loves sex, and I just can't see what the fuck is wrong with me.
    So anyway, maybe it's because we're in South America, but guys around here have issues with virgins. Tightness is okay, but lack of experience is not.

  17. twg
    Posted January 14, 2009 at 9:33 am | Permalink

    Tightness is WAY overrated. I swear to God I grow my virginity back if I don't have sex for a week. It sucks.

  18. The Promo Homo
    Posted January 14, 2009 at 9:25 pm | Permalink

    TWG: Red has that same issue… she says she has "vagina elves" that come and sew up the area in her sleep at night when she hasn't slept with anyone for a while.

    Hilarious. Vagina Elves. Best ever.

  19. twg
    Posted January 15, 2009 at 9:25 am | Permalink

    That must be what's happening to me, I swear to God. Vagina elves. Hee.

  20. eva
    Posted January 16, 2009 at 8:55 am | Permalink

    Red: i know that, i didn't make myself clear enough, i was thinking of sadistic men, not dominant as bdsm dominant, but just rubbish evil sadistic dominant. i see there's a total difference. i've sadly had more experience with the latter, that's why it didn't occur to me to point it out.

    elliot: i would totally enjoy to teach someone tricks :)
    i guess it depends if you are to have a one night stand or a relationship. i don't really have one night stands as i'm too much of a romantic and an emotional rollercoaster, i can't hold back feelings etc. i can see if i DID have one night stands, the other person's techniques would be more important as we wouldn't have time to learn stuff.

    as i said about being romantic etc, when i fall in love with someone, i couldn't care less if the person is a virgin/not a virgin.. the sex will be good, and if it isn't, we'll just have to practice a lot ;)

  21. Red
    Posted January 16, 2009 at 7:24 pm | Permalink

    Ugh. Vagina Elves are the worst…fuckin hymen MASTERS! =P

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