I was bored online and decided to fill out the (really fucking long) questionnaire on eHarmony for shits and giggles. My mother has offered to start paying for my Match account again if I want her to. I’m considering it, but decided to see how far I could get on eHarmony for free. After taking, like, half an hour to fill out the stupid fucking questionnaire, I got this response:

eHarmony is based upon a complex matching system developed through extensive research with married couples. One of the requirements for successful matching is that participants fall within certain defined profiles. If we find that we will not be able to match a user using these profiles, we feel it is only fair to inform them early in the process.

We are so convinced of the importance of creating compatible matches to help people establish happy, lasting relationships that we sometimes choose not to provide service rather than risk an uncertain match.

Unfortunately, we are not able to make our profiles work for you. Our matching model could not accurately predict with whom you would be best matched. This occurs for about 20% of potential users, so 1 in 5 people simply will not benefit from our service. We hope that you understand, and we regret our inability to provide service for you at this time.

They did, however, offer me a free “personality profile.” Yeah, thanks but no thanks. Even a fucking dating site has rendered me undatable and incompatible with actual people. Whatever. I’ve been told the people on there are prude and sucky, plus they don’t allow gay people on there which is infuriating to me.
So, where do I go from here? I have several options.
  • OkCupid. This site is free. It also lets you be bisexual. Two huge pros. However, it also has some of the dumbest, perviest, creepiest people I have ever come across. Still, considering the fact that it is free, I could always throw a profile up there just for the hell of it.
  • Salon Personals. This seems like a good option. It also appears to be free, and people aren’t as uptight and prude as (I’m told) they are on eHarmony.
  • JDate. My family is Jewish. I have a Hebrew tattoo. I also don’t give two shits about religion, consider myself an atheist, and have never even kissed a Jewish man. But it would make my mom happy. And I could play into stereotypes and pretend I will meet a rich Jewish doctor on there.
  • The place for eHarmony rejects, according to their commercials. I am an eHarmony reject. Does this mean that this is my next stop? The all-accepting
  • And, of course, I could reactivate my Match account.
What do you guys think? Any success/failures on any of these sites?
This entry was posted in Griping and Kvetching and Bitching, Make Me A Match. Bookmark the permalink. Post a comment or leave a trackback: Trackback URL.


  1. Svet
    Posted January 26, 2009 at 11:04 pm | Permalink

    You "undatable"? Highly doubtful…

  2. Nolens Volens
    Posted January 26, 2009 at 11:27 pm | Permalink

    Or just call eHarmony and tell them to create a profile that is tailored for a bi-sexual person. When they refuse, see if you can convince they to refund the money doubled back to you… ;)

  3. Anonymous
    Posted January 26, 2009 at 11:39 pm | Permalink

    I've been rejected from eHarmony too. Don't fret.

    I've found several good friends on OkCupid, but there's a lot of trash, there as well, according to many female friends.

    Of course, this is all from a male perspective, so I can't say for certain.

  4. eva
    Posted January 27, 2009 at 6:01 am | Permalink

    he he i filled in a questionnaire like the eharmony thing once, to see who they'd try to match me with.
    i didn't get any matches. i had to go over all my answers and make them more "normal" before i got any matches at all. i'd rather have a unique personality than loads of matches on eharmony..
    eharmony doesn't really sound very harmonic to me; with the exclusion of gay people. maybe they should get a new name for themselves.

  5. twg
    Posted January 27, 2009 at 9:40 am | Permalink

    I did match, and it was full of serious weirdos for years, but then I met my ex on okcupid and we dated for two years. It's like a box of chocolates, Brit … there's a bunch of gross ones in there, but you can probably find one or two reasonably tasty candies.

    I'm dumb today:)

    Posted January 27, 2009 at 11:59 am | Permalink

    I have a good friend and an ex who've both met nice people on OkCupid, of course they were both looking for other girls, so I don't know how that shifts the ratio of weirdos vs. non-weirdos. That said, I've heard many times, and not just from you, that eHarmony is restrictive, prudish and conservative in its dating criteria, so I think you should actually take it as a complement that they rejected you!

    As for my two cents, I say try both of the free sites for a month or so and then, if those don't work, go for and/or

  7. John~
    Posted January 27, 2009 at 12:01 pm | Permalink

    I've always liked okcupid and plentyoffish. Both are free, and you can find some good people mixed in with the wierdos (like the girl who wanted to give me herpes on our first date!)

  8. Ambitious Blonde
    Posted January 27, 2009 at 2:30 pm | Permalink

    My experiences with online dating haven't been terrific. I got a guy who emailed me on my birthday to let me know he had decided to make it serious with one of the other women he'd been dating and a sex offender. So the whole "why don't you try online dating" thing makes me stick my fingers in my ears and scream "lalala, can't hear you!" Then again, I kinda suck at dating anyway, so who's to say that it won't work for you?

  9. Raspberry Swirl
    Posted January 27, 2009 at 5:20 pm | Permalink

    I got that rejection form letter from eHarmony, too. I consider it a compliment that there's no one there that fits me, as those people are kind of, uh…stuffy. We'll go with stuffy.

    I have a profile on OKCupid, and it's alright. I dunno. If you find something decent, send a link my way!

  10. Caplyst
    Posted January 27, 2009 at 6:22 pm | Permalink

    Fuck eHarmony they suck ass goddamn bible beaters!!!

  11. The Promo Homo
    Posted January 27, 2009 at 7:09 pm | Permalink

    Yeah, even if I was straight I'd boycott eHarmony. I wouldn't want my money going to a homophobic company.

  12. theybelongtous
    Posted January 28, 2009 at 12:42 am | Permalink

    I don't know much about the dating site thing – as my people just appeared. :)

    However, a lot of poly-type folk seem to like OKCupid, and have found friends/lovers with that site. *shrug* Can't hurt, right?


  13. April
    Posted January 28, 2009 at 10:08 am | Permalink is free too, as someone above mentioned. My co-worker really likes that site. I met my man on Craigslist of all places. I consider myself lucky though, and not the norm.

  14. Eliot
    Posted January 28, 2009 at 1:17 pm | Permalink

    I was rejected as well. I don't have a problem with eHarmony not catering to the gay community. There are plenty of "gay only" dating and hook-up sites. Hell, there's even a dating site for geeks. lol Or should we make all dating sites all-inclusive?

    Also, I heard somewhere that they're creating, or have created, a special service via eHarmony for gays.

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