The Redneck called me on Saturday night to come hang out. I was drunk because I had been drinking all day, and therefore thought it was a good idea to do so. I got dropped off there. It was the worst idea that I have ever had. I didn’t realize how drunk HE was when I agreed to go over there. He was wasted.
He spent the night telling me how much better than me this new girl is and how if she was in town, I wouldn’t even be there. Talking to her on the phone in front of me all night. I was crying on the couch. His friends clearly felt bad and kept apologizing to me, telling me how sorry they were. I couldn’t leave because I had no car and my phone was dead.
On one of his angry rants that he was spewing at me for absolutely no reason, I told him something that I hadn’t planned on telling him. I had planned on taking care of it myself, without even mentioning it to him. I blurted out that I was pregnant. And it was his. Because I am. And it is. Suddenly, he was being very nice to me.
Because I am a vindictive bitch, I wanted to see if he liked this new girl enough to turn down sex. Because I knew how drunk he was and how much he would regret fucking me in the morning. He didn’t turn it down. While we were fucking, I was on my stomach and he tried to put it in my ass. I said no several times and he held me down and put it in anyway. I managed to free myself and curled up in the corner of the room freaking out. He started screaming at me to get the fuck out if I was going to accuse him of rape. That I can’t say that I like rough sex if I’m gonna freak out when he gets rough. I told him there is a difference between rough sex and someone clearly saying, “No. Don’t do that.” Then he looked at me and said, “But it felt good, right?” NO. NO. IT DID NOT FEEL GOOD. IT FUCKING HURT MOTHERFUCKER. I couldn’t leave so I put my clothes on and went to the couch.
He came to get me a few hours later and told me to come back into his room. He continued to try to have sex with me but I didn’t want to, so I laid there motionless while he felt me up and jerked off onto my leg. I went back to the couch. He drove me home the next morning and not a word was exchanged between the two of us. The only good thing to come out of it is the fact that any feelings I might have still had for him are definitely gone.
I’m going to have the abortion today.
I'm Britni, a snarky bitch and generally awesome person. I write about sex, love, and bullshit. If sex-positivity, discussions about BDSM and kink, queer issues, and topics that are completely inappropriate by society's standards make you uncomfortable, then this blog is not for you.
Good Vibes 
26 Comments
What a fucked-up night. That's why I stick with beer all day Saturday, less chance of Rednecks cumming on my legs.
Yeah, way to make light of a very DIRE situation, Asshole Boyfriend. Your choice in names is fitting; why don't you go fuck yourself?
Britni…ugh…sweetheart! My stomach is in knots. I can't even begin to know what you're going through. All I can say is please, please take care of yourself. The fact that you're saying going there was the worst decision ever is concerning…it sounds like you're blaming yourself for the happenings of the night.
He is clearly at fault here. You said NO…and he did it anyway…and what happened hours later reminds me of your 'not rape' post.
You're a strong woman and I hope you're strong enough now to ask for support and accept whatever help is offered to you.
I, for one (and Promo Homo for two), are here.
Oh, and fuckers who leave comments like A-hole BF should be banned…obviously not feminist thinkers…
Red: No, I'm not blaming myself for what he did at all. Yeah, I slept with him but I have always told him that my ass is off limits. And him doing it anyway after I said no was not my fault. No, I shouldn't have gone over there that night. But the forcing himself on me was not my fault.
And I had the same reaction to Asshole Boyfriend's comment. The worst thing you took from that post was the fact that he came on my leg? Not the ass rape? Really?
No, that's not the worst thing I got from your post…not in the least. It just added insult to injury. Every one of his actions was appalling, and I'm glad you know it wasn't your fault.
This probably isn't much use but… *internet hugs*
"But it felt good, right?"
THAT part you left out.
Uuuuuuuugh. You know how I feel about EVERYTHING since I talked to you for like… 2 hours on the phone already.
But have I mentioned that I think the Redneck is a piece of shit?
Mmmmyes, I think so. But, I just wanted it down in writing.
Love you and thinking of you. (I know in no way does this comment even do justice to what I'm wanting to say, but I'm at a loss for words.)
Probably a good thing that I'm not in FL. Cause I would seriously hurt that motherfucker.
hugs you.. would love to send black evil vibes to that asshole jerk redneck..maybe a voodoo doll to hurt would be better.
who the fuck does he think he is.
when a girl says no it fucking means no.
fuck him.
you are a strong and beautiful girl.
Brit, I am so sorry Hun. You need someone who will treat you with respect. This guy is a first class asshole!
e-hugs. I'm sorry. You shouldn't have had to go through that. Redneck is a piece of trash.
While I am pro-choice, I just have to say that if you are going to have sex, you should take every precaution to avoid pregnancy…abortion isn't birth control.
Also? You should turn the dipshit in for raping you. That wasn't NOT rape, it was straight up rape. He's an asshole.
Anon: You don't think I don't know that abortion isn't birth control? Seriously? It's not like I go out and have tons of abortions. This was my first one. I'm on the pill. I use condoms. There is nothing else I can do. The condom broke. Shit happens. I do NOT need a lecture about abortion and safer sex. I'm not stupid.
Brit, you beat me to it.
Obviously this person doesn't read your blog enough to know what the hell you are all about.
And I don't care if you are Pro-life or not, Anon, that was incredibly insensitive to say to someone who just had to go through that. Use your head.
Calm down folks. If you read Britni's post labels, you'll see she has "Drunken Adventures" and "Sexcapades."
I'm sorry Britni for you thinking I was being insensitive, I was trying to make you smile, but I guess you don't know me either.
Hang tight baby girl.
I think that is because she doesn't have "ass rapings" as a regular blog label.
Which, I'd hope no one blogs about enough to have.
Just because she labeled it as a "drunken adventure" and a "sexcapade" doesn't mean it's less serious either.
I'm not trying to attack you or anything, since apparently your initial comment meant well. Just remember that sometimes things don't translate well via the internet.
I told you I was dense. Am I forgiven, or do you still all hate me? : (
A-hole BF,
Just know that whenever a woman (or anyone) is talking about being raped, or sexually assaulted…they don't really want the situation poked fun at. Hugs and kind words at the fail safe at that point. Rape is not funny…no matter how many movies make it out to be hilarious. Sorry I yelled…I'm sensitive about things like…oh…justice, respect and women's rights.
Jeebus, Britni. I am so sorry to hear about, well, everything. I am thinking of you and sending big hugs across the ocean.
xx Dee
That's all right Red, you were just being a protective and great friend. To be honest I thought she was half kidding or otherwise I promise I would have never written anything, trust me on this.
Britni, I just wanted to add my thoughts and virtual hugs. What a harrowing evening, but I'm so glad you're okay — relatively so at least. I'm always available to talk as well, even though you don't really know me. Although you obviously have plenty of friends–virtual and otherwise–who love and care about you. The Redneck is an asshole with a serious inferiority complex and jealousy issues — not to mention that he doesn't even deserve a woman like you if he doesn't understand that no means no under every circumstance. Alternatively, you're amazing. And don't forget it!
*hugs*
he deserves to be punched many, many times in the testicles and surrounding areas.
I'm so sorry.
:s
… ..
what a fucking rotten person..
the fact that he even told you to get out if you were going to accuse him for rape, kind of shows that he knows what he'd done. how pathetic of him to imply that you would want that because you like rough sex. as if he believes that, i think he just thought he could get away with it.
he's not really making a good job pointing out how ace this new girl of his is either, if the first thing he does when she's out of town is to call his ex. he's not going to treat her any better than he treated you.
my ex was like that, he treated me like shit, he was manipulative, violent, forced himself etc. he was also unfaithful, and constantly making out that every other girl was so much better than me to get me jealous. anything to get my attention. when i finally managed to get him out of my life, he did the same with his new girlfriend; he started making her jealous of me, saying how much better i was than her and how he loved me more etc etc to make her feel shit. she told me this at a pub once when she was drunk. i wasn't surprised.
once an asshole, always an asshole.. they are their own punishment though, they have to live with being them. i'm glad i'll have a life of connecting with people, feeling real love etc.. that is my consolation. being a dickhead gets lonely in the long run. what goes around comes around, i believe in karma, and i don't think it's magic.
oh, and people who say abbortion shouldn't be used as a contraceptive… fuck off,how ignorant, as if anyone ENJOYS having abortions?? …
so sorry to hear about this, i don't even know you and yet this blog entry made me cry. *hugs*
I'm just curious how you know it was his, considering that he wasn't the only person you were sleeping with at the time? Too bad you weren't responsible enough to use birth control. I hate this, but I just can't read anymore. Anyone who murders a baby because she is too much of one to prevent it, in my opinion, is a bitch. Carry on.
Anon: I didn't need that. Honestly? I was using birth control. And condoms. I slept with someone else ONCE. I know it was his because the condom broke with him once. It didn't with anyone else. Did you read the comment that I posted SAYING that I am ON BIRTH CONTROL? AND USE CONDOMS?
DON'T FUCKING TELL ME THAT I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE. AND WHAT I DO WITH MY BODY IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. AND A LUMP OF CELLS IS NOT A FUCKING BABY.
You need to report his sorry ass to the police. Consensual or not you were still assaulted, and he needs to be punished. Good luck.
I know we don't know each other, but I have been reading your blog here and there since a few days ago. I just wanted to add to the outpouring of support and tell you how brave I think you are for staying so strong. I hope you are still holding up as well as possible.
It also saddens me so much to read the posts of anti-abortion people popping up in the most insensitive places. For people who claim to be sympathetic and bleeding heart types watching out for the innocent, I find that pretty disgusting, UN-sympathetic, and cruel to see posts like that especially at a time like this. Unbelievable. Fucking numbing.
I was molested when I was a little girl, and while it wasn't as serious as it could have been, I feel like it has affected my life to this day. This relates more from your post today, the 24th, where you wonder if you like to re-enact the situation for sexual pleasure. I think there is something to recreating it in a safe environment..where you have control and where you can experience it again for whatever reason. I teeter between fascination and disgust with myself for that. But, it's my biggest turn on so….
Hugs….you have an amazing gift for sharing of yourself and I love reading what you write. You rock.