Bisexuality Part IV: All Bi Ourselves

People lump bisexuals in with gays and lesbians, but gay people tend to not really be very accepting of bisexuality. Lesbians especially, think that bisexual women are either gay and afraid to come out or are just going through a phase and will ultimately leave them for a man. Since most (if not all) gay people were born that way and have known since they were very young that something about them was “different,” they find it hard to fathom that someone could be attracted to both sexes (since they are not). Many lesbian women refuse to date bisexual women (because they have most likely been burned in the past) because they do not think that the relationship will last and fear getting hurt by a girl who turns out to be straight.

The straight community throws bisexuals in with the rest of the gay community, and many disagree with the orientation because they disagree with homosexuality. Therefore, bisexuals are living an alternative lifestyle and therefore live in a counterculture. The only time bisexuality finds any acceptance in the straight community is among straight men, but only if it is if they are watching two chicks make out or being invited into a threesome; the bisexuality must be gratuitous and for the male’s benefit.

Also, bisexuals are defined by their partners. If I am dating a woman, society defines me as a lesbian because that is what I appear to be. I have a relationship with a woman, and therefore I must be gay. I am discriminated against in some places, and have derogatory comments yelled at me by pigheaded men. However, If I am dating a man, society sees me as straight and therefore I fit nicely into the norm that they have outlined for me. I do not appear to be someone who lives an alternative lifestyle and tend to find acceptance everywhere I go. Simply because my partner is male. So in this respect, I do not define myself in society’s eyes; my partner defines me.

Recently, a boyfriend of mine said to me, “I’m glad that you don’t need to try to be gay anymore.” He went on to say, “I’m glad you are straight now.” My identity and sexuality was completely misunderstood. He could not understand why I was so offended to be called straight. I tried to explain that I’m not straight, even though I am dating a man. I still have the capacity to date and love women, and calling me straight completely misconstrues the identity that has such a large part in defining me. However, these protests fell on deaf ears because to him, as long as I am with a man I am straight (but it was cool for me to bring home girls to have threesomes with).

These are battles that we will continue to fight as we strive for acceptance and attempt to educate people. Hopefully one day we will find acceptance in all communities, but for now, we stand all by ourselves, misunderstood by everyone around us.