Light My Fire

I don’t understand this new trend of using warming condoms and lubricants that has somehow caught on. I honestly don’t get why so many people think that this is a great thing.

First of all, it can only get so hot down there. I don’t want any burning sensations in my vagina. To me, this is a sign that something is wrong and I need to go get tested for herpes or mad cow disease or the avian bird flu. Genital burning is not high on my list of sensations that I find to be pleasurable.

My favorite story came from my roommate, Jo. Jo was telling me that she didn’t like anal sex because it was uncomfortable. I asked if she used lube, and she replied that she had. When I asked her what kind, she told me that she had used Wet Warming. My asshole clenched itself harder than it ever has in my life upon hearing that. I cannot imagine the pain of using warming lube for butt sex. She says that it felt kind of like she had eaten too much Mexican food and her asshole was on fire. Somehow, I don’t doubt this.

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