An Update

Those of you that follow me on Twitter are already aware of the events of Monday night. For those of you that are not aware, I’m not going to beat around the bush. I was raped on Monday night. I refuse to get into the details, because they’re not important. Rehashing them won’t change what happened. I’m choosing not to report. If you want to know some of the reasons many victims choose not to report their rapes, there are plenty of articles that have been written chronicling them, none of which I have the energy to look up for you right now. If you’d like to leave any in the comments, please do.

Reporting a rape (or any violent crime) is a personal decision. I’m sick of being asked (most of the time by men) why I would choose not to report. Many victims of domestic violence never press charges against their batterers. Many people from “bad neighborhoods” who are assaulted due in large part to the culture they are forced to survive in don’t report those beatings. It’s because these people tend to be the kinds of victims that are blamed by authorities. I have no way to know for sure that I would be blamed or shamed, but for me, it’s not worth it to find out. So please, don’t send anymore “well meaning” emails or comments that go something like this:

I can’t believe you’d accept that answer from a woman who comes to you saying she’d been raped… It needs to be reported, regardless of what little you might know.


Jesus came back from his hiking trip for a few days to be here to take care of me. I was lucky; my physical injuries are not bad. Some mild bruising on my knees, shins, and elbows. A sore neck and back. A sore vagina. I threw up for about 30 hours following the attack, I’m thinking due to the shock and trauma of it all. It’s interesting timing for this, as I’ve been working on a post about never feeling safe after reading a similar one over at alphafemme’s. I guess my feelings are valid.

What I do want to talk about, though, is the amazing treatment and help I got from the services I did reach out for. I happened to have an initial appointment with a new therapist this morning, which couldn’t have been better timed. They booked me an appointment with a clinician for as soon as they could and were super supportive. I had called my PCP on Tuesday to ask what the best course of action would be for me, as I wanted to look into preventative medications. I spoke to his receptionist and he called me back himself to check on me. He even called me today to see how I was doing, despite the fact that he’s not in the office on Wednesdays.

If you are in the Boston area and are unfortunate enough to be assaulted, I can’t recommend the emergency department at St. Elizabeth’s Hospital enough. Everyone there was amazing. I never felt pressured for a rape kit, and every nurse that spoke with me was super empathetic. They were great about providing me with female nurses and doctors, even though I said I’d be okay with a male. This is the second time I’ve had to go to the ED there (the first being when I had an allergic reaction to medication), and it’s so clean and nice and bright and way less crowded than most of the other hospitals in the area.

I was asked for some details about the attack, and then given literature, resources, and a rundown of the options and services they were able to provide me. I got an IV for my dehydration and nausea, since I’d been vomiting for the past day and a half. They took blood and urine to run tests for STDs and such. I declined Plan B, since I’m currently on birth control, and declined a pelvic exam since I wasn’t experiencing sharp pains, bleeding, or discharge. The exam would have simply been to check for bleeding and/or bruising, which will heal on their own anyway. If anything changes, I can always go back.

I was given a crap ton of medications. They gave me the meds that I only have to take one dose of while I was there. I was given Metronidazole for possible bacterial infection, Azithromycin to prevent most STDs, Truvada to prevent HIV, and a shot of Ceftriaxone in my butt (also for STD prevention). In total, it was about 15 pills, and holy crap did they wreak havoc on my stomach. Ugh. I also received a 30-day prescription for Truvada and Kaletra for HIV prevention. Also fucking awful on my stomach. I’ll have to follow-up with my primary care in two weeks and six weeks for testing and stuff.

As reluctant as I was to go to the hospital, I’m so grateful that Jesus made me go. I feel so much better knowing that I took care of myself. And I could not ask for better people in my life. Jesus has been nothing but supportive, coming straight home, not being upset when I didn’t want to report it, not being upset with me in any regard to the circumstances leading up to the assault. Multiple local friends have offered to take me to doctor’s appointments, police stations, or just come and stay with me for a bit. Twitter and online folks have been coming out of the woodwork to offer support. I can’t thank everyone enough, and knowing that I have so much support and love means the world.

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  1. MargaretNo Gravatar
    Posted June 15, 2011 at 11:25 pm | Permalink

    Love and hugs.

  2. JeannineNo Gravatar
    Posted June 15, 2011 at 11:25 pm | Permalink

    I’m a long-time follower, often reluctant to comment as I don’t have my own blog & I don’t feel like I can really contribute anything meaningful to whatever you post.
    However, I want you to know that you’re in my thoughts & I’m so so sorry you had to go through this again.
    No judgement about not reporting. I really do understand.
    I never reported my rapes either.

  3. B.No Gravatar
    Posted June 15, 2011 at 11:45 pm | Permalink

    Goddamn, I’m so sorry this happened to you.

  4. SolangelNo Gravatar
    Posted June 16, 2011 at 3:09 am | Permalink

    I am so horrified this happened to you. Fuck anyone trying to tell you how you should handle it. You are doing what is right for you and nothing else matters. I know I’m just some random person who never comments but I am sending you so much love and positive thoughts. If there is anything I or your followers can do please let us know, like if any of these medications are being paid for out of pocket I would love to donate towards that. I hope you are ok and healthy.

  5. MollsNo Gravatar
    Posted June 16, 2011 at 7:07 am | Permalink

    I hope you got your pickles.

  6. Nadia WestNo Gravatar
    Posted June 16, 2011 at 8:21 am | Permalink

    I didn’t report my rape or assault. I know just where you’re coming from. I did speak on the phone to the NYPD after my assault, as I was considering reporting it. What they told me made me realize it was useless. They would look into it, and unless they were confident they could convict they wouldn’t prosecute. As this happened as a sex party and other party goers didn’t want to piss off the party host (who assaulted me) I figured I had no one on my side. It wasn’t until years later, after the statute of limitations ran out, that a few people who were there that night came forward in support.

    I’m glad you’ve taken care of yourself as best you can though. Disease prevention, counseling – as you well know these are things worth doing.

    *hugs* I’m sorry this happened to you.

  7. MegNo Gravatar
    Posted June 16, 2011 at 10:00 am | Permalink

    No one should even try to tell you how to handle it. I’m so sorry it happened at all, though. Hugs from CA.

  8. KeithNo Gravatar
    Posted June 16, 2011 at 10:19 am | Permalink

    OMG! Horrific. I’ll admit to being one of those men who don’t understand how you can not report this, but I know you’re doing what’s right for you. Glad you’re getting good support. Hope everything (mental as well as physical) heals well and quickly. Love & hugs xx

  9. GhouldilocksNo Gravatar
    Posted June 16, 2011 at 11:33 am | Permalink

    I’m sorry this happened to you.

  10. TCNo Gravatar
    Posted June 16, 2011 at 1:54 pm | Permalink

    I’m so sorry to read this, but glad you have Jesus taking good care of you.

  11. AlfroNo Gravatar
    Posted June 16, 2011 at 3:29 pm | Permalink

    So sorry to hear….
    Wishing you my best.

  12. Curvaceous DeeNo Gravatar
    Posted June 16, 2011 at 3:33 pm | Permalink

    Much hugs and love from me to you. I am so sorry this happened to you, and am glad you’re getting support. Thinking of you.

    xx Dee

  13. SandraNo Gravatar
    Posted June 16, 2011 at 4:36 pm | Permalink

    Love, strength and positive energy coming to you….

  14. taylorNo Gravatar
    Posted June 16, 2011 at 4:50 pm | Permalink

    I rarely comment but I’ve been reading your blog for a while and I’ve always really admired how you handle things. It’s absolutely your choice not to report, and given the way our justice system works, I don’t blame you. I’m so so sorry this happened to you, and I hope that things are looking up.
    Lots of love and good thoughts <3 <3 <3

  15. SaraNo Gravatar
    Posted June 16, 2011 at 6:54 pm | Permalink

    I can’t believe how brave you are writing this. You are such a strong person. All my love from France, wishing you well, and I’m glad you are so well supported. xo

  16. ShondaNo Gravatar
    Posted June 16, 2011 at 8:27 pm | Permalink

    I didn’t report mine either (x2). Wishing you well and sending you much love. I hope you are OK (at least better).

  17. Another Suburban MomNo Gravatar
    Posted June 16, 2011 at 10:39 pm | Permalink

    I am so sorry this happened to you. I understand why you might not want to report it and wouldn’t dare judge someone about that decision until I’ve walked a marathon in those shoes.

    Please know that I am thinking about you.

  18. Jess ManifestoNo Gravatar
    Posted June 17, 2011 at 7:48 pm | Permalink

    Ohmygod. I have no idea how I missed this. I’m so sorry. My eyes are teary for you, darlin’ <3

  19. WilhelminaNo Gravatar
    Posted June 18, 2011 at 12:15 am | Permalink

    I really hope you feel better soon. It’s awful that this happened to you.

  20. quizzical pussyNo Gravatar
    Posted June 18, 2011 at 11:25 pm | Permalink

    Holy shit. I am so sorry. I’m awed by your honesty and strength in sharing this. I’m so fucking angry for you. I’m glad you’re taking care of yourself and doing what’s best for you in the wake of such a shitty experience.

  21. Sophie DelanceyNo Gravatar
    Posted June 19, 2011 at 1:30 am | Permalink

    I just wanted to send you my love and thoughts to you. Any choice you make in how you handle things is the right choice and anyone who says otherwise is just horribly, horribly ignorant.

  22. DavidNo Gravatar
    Posted June 20, 2011 at 1:34 am | Permalink

    I’t horrible, the things people do to each other. I’m one of those out here in blogland sending you hugs. It’ great that you have a loving and understanding parter to help you through this.

2 Trackbacks

  1. By Necessity on June 16, 2011 at 8:11 pm

    [...] Oh My God, That Britni's Shameless I'm nothing but a brash and impetuous girl striving to be true to myself while searching for somewhere to belong, someone to love, and a better version of me. Skip to content AboutToy BoxLinks and ResourcesWhat’s In Your Box?Wish List « An Update [...]

  2. By Just What I Needed on June 22, 2011 at 12:01 am

    [...] and the hospital. I held onto Jesus almost every minute of the day that I wasn’t asleep. I needed it, obviously. I was super sick from all the medication for a while, which made me cranky and tired and yuck. I [...]

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