You Think You Know But You Have No Idea

I recently stumbled upon a post on Em and Lo’s blog the Daily Bedpost that totally echos the way that I feel about the topic of “sexperts.” Em and Lo, by the way, have written several books on sex and relationships. I enjoyed Sex Toy quite a bit, but don’t enjoy their relationship books as much.

In the post, they discuss the fact that there is a ton of bad sex advice given by people who claim to be experts. When I read that statement, the first person that came to my mind was Sue Johanson. She has a show on Oxygen called Talk Sex with Sue Johanson. Of course, the next paragraph of the article mentioned that Em and Lo also were also less than enamored, and pretty much appalled, with some of the advice that SueJo gives. However, while they could not come up with any specific examples of her bad advice, I could think of two off the top of my head, and several more after that.

This is the comment that I left on the post:

As someone who managed an adult toy store for several years and has given safer sex presentations at schools and on college campuses (among other places), I have to agree with you about Sue Johanson. That was my first thought when I read the first paragraph of this article.

I am all for the concept of her show, and I think it is fabulous that she is opening up the public’s eyes to being open and educated about sex. However, her advice repeatedly leaves me yelling at my TV screen.

Two examples I can think of off the top of my head:
1) A girl called in saying that her boyfriend didn’t want to use condoms because they always break because they are too small. My first thought? Lube! The number one reason condoms break is lack of lubrication. Or how about trying a larger sized condom? Sue didn’t mention either of those things, but told her that she needed to break up with her boyfriend because he was probably trying to give her a disease.

2) A woman called in to say that when her and her husband had sex with a condom, it hurt, but without one it didn’t. While Sue did recommend using extra lube, she failed to mention that the condoms could be spermicidally lubricated, and more than 50% of women are allergic to spermicide. She also failed to mention a latex allergy and possibly trying non-latex condoms if necessary.

I apologize for this long and rambling comment (I totally just typed “condom” instead of “comment”). All this to say, I totally feel ya.

Both of these questions were very basic, as were their proper answers. When asked questions regarding condoms, 95% of your answers will involve using additional lubricant, avoiding spermicidally lubricated condoms, making sure there is no latex allergy, or sizing issues. Someone who routinely answers these types of questions should know this. But not SueJo.

I have also seen her recommend the use of spermicidal lubricant, and this made me horribly, horribly sad. NEVER use spermicide. First of all, more than half of women are allergic to it (many may think they have a latex allergy, but they’re actually allergic to the spermicidal lubrication on the condom). It also breaks down cell walls making it more difficult to get pregnant when a woman actually wants to. It also opens small tears in the vaginal lining making it easier to contract STDs. And on top of that, its proven to be no more effective than using a condom properly.

Sorry about that. The sex nerd took over for a second.

Anyway, I routinely record SueJo’s program, even though it enrages me to watch. I like to see what kind of “sex advice” is being given out there, because chances are, these are the people that were coming into my store with false information. I like to know what I’m working against. It was not until I started working at the toy store that I realized how many wrong facts were out there and how truly awful our sex education in this country is. Even watching her show makes you realize how uneducated people are.

When adults are calling in asking, “Can I get pregnant from swallowing my boyfriend’s sperm?” there is a problem. And while I personally may have found the question regarding the “normalcy” of enjoying having your partner urinate on you is (what? You mean everyone isn’t into water sports?) to be DUH as well, at least that question dealt with a topic slightly outside the usual topics. But, I digress.

My point is, if you are masquerading as a sex expert and you are going to be exposed to a very large audience, you should at least give accurate information. Especially when the people calling into your show have no one else to ask these questions. What baffles me the most about SueJo is who the hell let her get this big and this successful giving crap advice? Didn’t anyone with even a little bit of knowledge about safe sex notice that while she may be a registered nurse, that doesn’t really make her qualified to answer questions about sex?

And oh, yeah. Her sex toy recommendations suck, too.