Complementary

People often say that “opposites attract” (even though science seems to have disproved that, but I’m not prepared to go looking for the studies right now). And in many ways, Jesus and I can appear to be opposites.

He calls himself a “high anxiety East Coast Jew.” He gets overwhelmed and stressed out easily, and doesn’t always cope with it in the best ways. This is pretty much a given, considering that he has a history of substance abuse and addicts aren’t exactly known for their wonderful coping skills, amirite?

Me? The word anxiety isn’t even in my vocabulary. It takes A LOT to stress me out, and I don’t worry about things I can’t fix. I’m more of a problem-solver than a worrier. I try and figure out how to eliminate the source of my stress. If there’s no feasible way to do that, then I may start worrying a bit. But it really takes me a while to get to that point, and often I never do.

He’s a people-pleaser and likes to be liked. He often goes out of his way to make other people happy, sometimes at his own expense. He puts other people’s needs before his own, which often means he doesn’t even noticed when he needs.

I’m a take-me-or-leave-me kind of person. If you don’t like me, too bad. Chances are I don’t like you either. I put my own needs first quite often, and enjoy being nurtured and taken care of. But I’m perceptive and notice things in others that they may not be aware of yet themselves.

He (mostly) thinks with his heart. I (mostly) think with my head.

However, we share many of the same core values, beliefs, and interests. We both are similar feelings about marriage and children, about monogamy, about religion, about sex, and about politics. We both like intelligent conversation and while often we bring different information, knowledge, and opinions to those conversations, we both learn from each other and can see where the other person is coming from.

And in the places that we are different, our differences often bring out a better side of each other. I can calm him down, soothe him, or help him lessen his anxiety. He can get me excited about things, just because he’s excited about them. He can take care of and nurture me. I can help him realize when he’s neglecting his own self-care and it’s time to put Jesus first. I can be the voice of reason and he can be the voice of passion.

And so, I don’t really like to think of us as “opposites.” We’re also not two halves of a whole. We’re complete, but flawed people when we’re apart. Neither one of us is each other’s “other half,” and neither one of us is the “better half.” We’re two complete but flawed people that make one complete but flawed whole.

Instead, I like to think of us as “complementary.”