Super Powers

I didn’t publish this comment, because it would have continued a discussion that had long ended and the guy that wrote it had already spewed victim-blaming rhetoric all over the comments of another post, but I wanted to post it here because it might just be The Best Comment Ever regarding how to avoid being sexually assaulted. He was replying to MoonlightSunshine’s comment on this post:

Why don’t you go “be safe” from getting killed.
I do what I can and no one threatened my life yet.

Why don’t you go try to “be safe” from an earthquake?
I do what I possibly can and I never experienced one.

Go “be safe” from getting the flu.
I try to and I haven’t had one in a couple of years already.

In fact, the logic here is so ass backwards (read: non-existent) that I can’t even be mad at it. Not only am I not mad at it, I’m in awe of it’s awesomeness. It actually makes me laugh. And I can’t even argue with it. If this dude thinks he can control earthquakes and viruses, it’s no wonder he thinks women can control being sexually assaulted!

Well played, sir.

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  1. EpiphoraNo Gravatar
    Posted July 26, 2010 at 1:29 am | Permalink

    “I do what I possibly can” re: avoiding earthquakes — WHAT DOES THIS EVEN MEAN???

    • Britni TheVadgeWigNo Gravatar
      Posted July 26, 2010 at 1:38 am | Permalink

      It must mean he avoids gays and provocatively dressed women, because we all know that both of those cause earthquakes.

      • ArthurNo Gravatar
        Posted July 26, 2010 at 3:41 am | Permalink

        I thought voting Democrat was what caused earthquakes and hurricanes? Sorry, I’m not from the US, so I must have misunderstood how it works.

        - Arthur

  2. KateNo Gravatar
    Posted July 26, 2010 at 1:37 am | Permalink

    Um, dude…you’re *not* actually safe from getting killed. Sorry, man, but 100% of us die someday.

    Um. I’m fairly sure part of my brain died, just from reading it.

  3. EvaNo Gravatar
    Posted July 26, 2010 at 4:36 am | Permalink

    It takes a lot of determination and will power to hold off those earthquakes. By the end of the day I feel mentally exhausted but at least I can go to bed knowing that I do what I can(‘t).

    I once nearly got raped, but I threw the guy at the wall with the power of my mind, boy did he get surprised. Luckily I had forgotten to focus on holding off the earthquakes that day, or my mental powers would have been too weak.

    • twgNo Gravatar
      Posted July 26, 2010 at 10:10 am | Permalink


  4. SatNo Gravatar
    Posted July 26, 2010 at 12:56 pm | Permalink

    I live in Chile. I lived the earthquake in february. Surely this means I’m getting raped tomorrow, right?

  5. EveNo Gravatar
    Posted July 26, 2010 at 2:02 pm | Permalink

    I’m in awe of this guy’s super powers. If I listen to his advice, will I, too, be able to prevent death, earthquakes, flu, and rape? Giving up logic would be a small sacrifice to make if it worked!

  6. SamanthaNo Gravatar
    Posted July 26, 2010 at 4:58 pm | Permalink

    I’m pissed. Why haven’t I learned this secret tip that keeps you safe from earthquakes? Do you bribe them? Do some type of dance? Write an unruly letter to them? The same goes for the flu…if he’s so good at bypassing the flu, then why didn’t he step up during this last swine flu insanity and instruct us on what to do?

    I feel gypped. Damn the lucky ones.

  7. GhouldilocksNo Gravatar
    Posted July 26, 2010 at 6:05 pm | Permalink

    This is ridiculous. Everyone knows that if you want to control the weather, you need to bring Pudge a peanut butter sandwich on Sandwich Day.

    If you bring him tuna, though, you’d be an abomination and probably get raped (hey, it makes just as much sense as this guy’s earthquake comment).

  8. MegNo Gravatar
    Posted July 26, 2010 at 9:35 pm | Permalink

    OMG, Britni. I don’t know what you’re talking about. My old high school friend who died (with her whole family) in a crash when a semi rear-ended them? They totally should have avoided it. Why were they driving on a freeway in heavy traffic?

    And that time I got strep in my first year of teaching? I should never have worked during cold/flu season. I should have used all of my sick days avoiding the little germ magnet first graders that gave it to me. What the hell was I thinking?

    You know, that time I got leered at when I was running? It was MY fault for wearing such tight running gear. I don’t have the right to be comfortable when I run–I should wear baggy clothes that impede my progress, or take the leering and BE HAPPY to get it.

    Right? RIGHT?

    *crickets chirp*

  9. MegNo Gravatar
    Posted July 26, 2010 at 9:37 pm | Permalink

    Oh, and I once had a friend from a message board (NASCAR-related) tell me she’s afraid to come to California (with a tone of “I can’t believe you CHOOSE to live there, you shameless hussy” in her voice) because she might get caught in an earthquake.

    I retorted, “I’m more likely to get killed in a flash tornado visiting SOUTH FREAKIN’ DAKOTA, where YOU live, than I am to even feel an earthquake here in Cali.” Or something like that.

  10. frenchNo Gravatar
    Posted July 27, 2010 at 7:53 pm | Permalink

    That right there is an outstanding comment. Hooo yeah.

    Hey, did y’all know that I do what I can to “be safe” from tornados? I’m obviously not doing too well though; there’ve been some funnel clouds and tornado warnings around here lately.

  11. MoonshineSunlightNo Gravatar
    Posted July 28, 2010 at 1:19 am | Permalink

    /headdesk. it’s people like this that make me want to vomit.

  12. BrigitNo Gravatar
    Posted July 28, 2010 at 2:22 pm | Permalink

    All this time I spent growing up and living in the Caribbean and I couldn’t make myself completely safe from hurricanes. Silly ol’ me.

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