Sexual Assault Anthem*: “Too Close”

The song “Too Close” by Next (it’s from the late ’90s) is very rapey. In fact, it reminds me of something that I’ve experienced. No wonder he thought it was okay! He must have listened to this song before going out!

Let’s look at some of the relevant lyrics, shall we?

I wonder if she could tell I’m hard right now, hmmm
Yeah, come on, dance for me baby, ha ha, yeah
Ut oh, you feel that? Alright
Come on, don’t stop now
You done did it, come on, uh, yeah, alright, hold on

“YOU done did it. See what YOU did, woman? YOU made me hard. This is YOUR fault.”

Baby when we’re grinding
I get so excited
Ooh, how I like it
I try but I can’t fight it
Oh, you’re dancing real close
Cuz it’s real, real slow
(You know what you’re doing, don’t you)
You’re making it hard for me

“I’m just an animalistic man that has no control over myself! I don’t *want* to do this, but I just can’t control myself! It’s not *my* fault that males are naturally sexual and impulsive! So really, I just can’t help it. Don’t blame *me*! And besides, YOU’RE doing this on purpose, aren’t YOU, you fucking cocktease?”

All the songs on you requested
You’re dancing like you’re naked
Oh, it’s almost like we’re sexing
(oh yeah)
Yeah boo, I like it
No, I can’t deny it
But I know you can tell
I’m excited, oh girl


I feel a little poke coming through
On you

I’m not sure how someone can “dance like [they're naked],” but this girl is totally doing that. Because when you’re naked, you dance differently than you do when you’re clothed? “Dancing totes equals sex. I mean, if you consent to dance with me, you’ll clearly consent to having sex with me and feeling my boner all up on you.”

I like the way you move
You’re making me want you
Oh the way you move
I like those things you do

“I just want to reiterate, girl, that you’re MAKING me want you. This is all YOUR fault, so don’t be surprised when you feel something poking you in the leg. If YOU hadn’t been dancing on me, this never would have happened.”

Some songs are so much creepier in retrospect.

*The Sexist has a series of Date Rape Anthems that are really interesting and relevant. The idea for this partially came from there.

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  1. adrianaNo Gravatar
    Posted July 14, 2010 at 12:54 am | Permalink

    WOW! Either I’d never paid attention to the lyrics or I never looked at them in this way before (you could put a very positive spin on it, if you extrapolated the circumstances in your mind) but.. just wow.

  2. EpiphoraNo Gravatar
    Posted July 14, 2010 at 1:05 am | Permalink

    OH GOD. I’d already vomited thanks to the lyrics, but the actual song takes the creepy factor to a whole new level. UGH.

  3. Nell GwynneNo Gravatar
    Posted July 14, 2010 at 9:08 am | Permalink

    Oh good god, that is creepy. Mind you, The Rolling Stones “Let it Bleed” is my choice breakfast music, but at least non of that album is considered club music.

  4. RayneNo Gravatar
    Posted July 14, 2010 at 11:01 am | Permalink

    Er… really? ~sigh~

    You know, maybe you only go to clubs to dance. And maybe lots of girls only go to clubs to dance. And maybe lots of guys only go to clubs to dance.

    But for as long as I can remember, one of the main purposes of a club was to find a hookup. You went to clubs knowing there were horny guys AND girls hunting the waters like sharks for chum. And if you got hit on, and didn’t want it, you shut it down.

    Hell, most of the dancing I’ve done in my life has been with the express intention of getting the person I was dancing with horny, and if I was single, maybe taking them home for the night. Being told I’m “making it hard” and “don’t stop” makes me want to beeline for the bedroom, not scream rape.

    • Britni TheVadgeWigNo Gravatar
      Posted July 14, 2010 at 11:07 am | Permalink

      But I *did* shut it down. I moved multiple times to get away from him.

      And honestly, when I go to clubs, I dance with my friends. That’s why I go. Though, as my friends know, I HATE clubs and only go if it’s someone’s birthday, mostly because I don’t handle people grabbing and touching me very well.

      • RayneNo Gravatar
        Posted July 14, 2010 at 11:14 am | Permalink

        I wasn’t talking about your experience. I’m sorry if you thought I was. I was discussing this song in particular, and your opinion of it.

        While I realize your experience makes this song leave a bad taste in your mouth, the fact of the matter is, the girl he’s singing about is obviously consensually dancing with him, and in a manner that grabs his sexual attention. Some people do that. Male and female.

        And for the record, as much as I hate to say it, if your friends know you don’t like going to clubs and insist on taking parties there anyway, maybe you need some new friends. Ones that actually care about your feelings.

        • Britni TheVadgeWigNo Gravatar
          Posted July 14, 2010 at 11:18 am | Permalink

          Although, in the song itself (which I didn’t notice until a commenter pointed it out), the girl is actually telling him to “back up.”

          As for my friends, they’re actually awesome about it. They NEVER invite me when they go to clubs, knowing that I won’t want to go. But when it’s someone’s birthday and she wants to go dancing, I’ll totally oblige, because I’m a good friend and you do what the birthday girl wants on her birthday! :)

          • RayneNo Gravatar
            Posted July 14, 2010 at 11:31 am | Permalink

            But she was also “grinding”.

            When this song was made, “grinding” meant rubbing some part of you onto some part of someone else. Usually genitalia to ass, but other ways, too. So telling him to back up was more likely intended by the songwriter to be seen as her playing hard to get, not telling him to fuck off. And men and women still do that, too. It’s fun!

  5. RayneNo Gravatar
    Posted July 14, 2010 at 11:37 am | Permalink

    Oh, and… “You’re dancing like you’re naked” is probably a nod to the fact that, generally speaking, not everyone dances like an on-stage stripper at a normal club, and not all dancing is blatantly sexual. Though much of it is.

  6. twgNo Gravatar
    Posted July 14, 2010 at 12:09 pm | Permalink

    Ugh, this reminds me of prom. The guys I went with, as friends, had a boner the whole fucking time. Not having experienced that before, I thought it was his keys for quite a long part of the night. Nope. Boner.

    So this song always reminds me of Prom.

  7. twgNo Gravatar
    Posted July 14, 2010 at 12:11 pm | Permalink

    Did I mention it reminds me of Prom? Sorry, I have been working in the Department of Redundancy Department this week.

  8. EveNo Gravatar
    Posted July 14, 2010 at 2:58 pm | Permalink

    I have always found that song gross and creepy for that exact reason. Even if you don’t interpret it as being the type of club situation you’ve been talking about lately, it’s still clearly sounds like a guy rubbing his erection on a girl who doesn’t seem entirely happy or comfortable with it (“step back, you’re dancing kinda close”). And the guy doesn’t seem to care or be bothered by that. Maybe I’m more easily bothered by the “isn’t harassment fun?” lyrics than most people because they parallel my dad’s behavior towards me rather closely, or maybe I’m just more able to recognize them for what they are. Either way, CREEPY, no question. This should not be a “calm down, you’re reading too much into it, it’s not a big deal” situation, it should be a “people need to know that what this guy is singing about is not an okay thing to do” situation. And because so many people seem to think that it is okay behavior and “all you have to do is stop the guy if you don’t like it,” it really is a big deal.

    I hate that song. I’m really glad they don’t play it on the radio much any more.

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