“Nice Guys”

I’ve seen several decent posts breaking down the myth of the “nice guy,” but there was a part in Hugo Schwyzer’s post yesterday that I feel really captured this well (all emphasis his).

“Nice Guys” often cloak their misogyny behind a facade of sensitivity. “Nice Guys” often talk garrulously about gender issues, and often establish their bona fides by bemoaning the way in which “other guys” treat women. About every ten minutes, a Nice Guy will drop an “But I’m not like other men!” into the conversation. The Nice Guy becomes less nice when he realizes that despite all he obviously has to offer, women are remarkably uninterested in dating or sleeping with him. Nice Guys often lose their temper when rejected, launching into embittered, “slut-bashing” diatribes about how foolish women are for choosing “bad boys” (or traditional men). Most Nice Guys alternate between stunningly low self-esteem and staggering hubris, secretly believing that their “sensitivity” makes them the answer to every maiden’s prayer. A great many feminist women have their share of “Nice Guy” stories, and if you spend much time in the feminist blogosphere, you’ll read your share of ‘em.

And it’s true. Anyone that has to repeatedly reassure you (and himself) that he’s “really a nice guy” probably isn’t. Nice guys don’t finish last, but “nice guys” do.

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  1. Outspoken CliticNo Gravatar
    Posted July 15, 2010 at 12:58 pm | Permalink

    The worst part about “Nice Guys”, for me, is their assumption that women owe them sex in exchange for friendship. For them it’s strictly transactional. Push all the right buttons, and she has to put out. And if she doesn’t, she’s a bitch. I will never understand how that’s supposed to be “nice”. It’s icky.

    http://xkcd.com/513/ Manipulative, horrible behavior. And when women see through that shit, we’re the horrible ones. Right.

  2. CyberLizardNo Gravatar
    Posted July 15, 2010 at 1:02 pm | Permalink

    No fear, I know I’m a snarky bastard; no “Nice Guy” here! ;-)

    • Outspoken CliticNo Gravatar
      Posted July 15, 2010 at 1:08 pm | Permalink

      Snarky people are the best people.

  3. HugoNo Gravatar
    Posted July 15, 2010 at 1:28 pm | Permalink

    Thanks for the link, Brit!

  4. ElodieNo Gravatar
    Posted July 15, 2010 at 1:38 pm | Permalink

    Ugh, Nice Guys.

    “Nice Guys” also have very particular ideas about how women must behave. They stick you on a tiny pedestal and if you teeter in the slightest by doing something they judge as not in line with their image of you, they punish you for it. They’re actually emotionally abusive and controlling.

    Also, who wants someone who whines about how “nice” they are? That’s the best thing you can say about yourself, that you’re “nice”? And you think this means I should drop everything and offer you up my vagina in tribute?

  5. AmyNo Gravatar
    Posted July 15, 2010 at 3:07 pm | Permalink

    So true. I’ve dated that guy and it’s not fun. Actual nice guys don’t feel the need to chat about it all the time.


  6. GhouldilocksNo Gravatar
    Posted July 15, 2010 at 4:05 pm | Permalink

    All of the “nice guys” that I’ve ever met have also been the biggest douchebags that I’ve ever met (see: last 2 exes). This is why I’m now dating a self-proclaimed dork (at least he’s honest about his epic dorkdom) and not a self-proclaimed “nice guy”. :)

    If you’re so “nice”, dude, then maybe you should let your niceness speak for itself? Just sayin’.

  7. MissMarNo Gravatar
    Posted July 17, 2010 at 2:04 pm | Permalink

    If someone say they are a nice guy, I do not believe them. Now if a guy I meet is nice without having to announce it to the world that he is a nice guy versus a bad boy, then his action speak a lot louder than pronouncing he is the best thing for women. One does not need to shout it to the roof tops and if you do, then something is a bit fishy to prove it to someone than to actively be nice.

  8. Another Suburban MomNo Gravatar
    Posted July 17, 2010 at 5:22 pm | Permalink

    I had a male friend who used to complain about how he was such a ‘nice guy’ and how frustrated he was about how women would date jerks.

    And that is what would drive me nuts about him was the whining. I could never date a whiner.

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