Different Reactions

Recently, Jekandhyd was asked a question on Formspring, and I was struck by how different my reaction to the question would have been from his. Click to read:

The question asks him what he would do if he was on a plane and the woman next to him just reached over and began massaging his groin. Jekandhyd states that he would ask for a blanket to cover them up, and enjoy what was happening.

My reaction to the question? In what world would that even be welcomed and okay? If some man in a seat next to me reached over and began massaging my crotch, I’d be out of my seat so fast and reporting him for sexual assault.

How many women would have my reaction? How many women would have his? How many men would have my reaction? How many men would have his?

But now I want to ask something else. Those of you that had the same reaction as jekandhyd, remove yourself from the fantasy of  it and put yourself on that plane. Would you REALLY have that reaction if a stranger reached over and began fondling you? Would you really sit back and let it happen? Or would you feel completely violated, caught off guard, and non-consenting?

Tell me, what’s YOUR reaction?

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  1. AdrianaNo Gravatar
    Posted May 24, 2010 at 1:23 am | Permalink

    I think this sounds great – as masturbation fodder. Not in real life.

  2. Wilhelmina WangNo Gravatar
    Posted May 24, 2010 at 1:27 am | Permalink

    i’ve thought about this sort of thing before, actually… mostly in that i’ve gotten drunk and done and said a lot of things that *would* have been interpreted as some form of sexual harassment if i were a dude (e.g. telling an old hookup that i wanted to suck his cock, walking up to a lover and kissing them hard in public without any preamble, etc), and it’s just because i’m a small, unthreatening-looking girl that i get away with it.

    but i also think that guys aren’t geared as much to think about safety, and want sex a lot more often than women. i read about a study that was done where someone approached a stranger in a cafe and asked if they wanted to have sex. NONE of the women said yes. many of the men took the stranger up on their offer.

  3. AlleyNo Gravatar
    Posted May 24, 2010 at 1:31 am | Permalink

    I totally see where you are coming from. In a fantasy world we might all get it on, but in real life? No way. I’d have him all fucking twisted up in a pretzel like position. In no world would that action be remotely appropriate.

  4. Vanilla KinksNo Gravatar
    Posted May 24, 2010 at 1:40 am | Permalink

    I think my first reaction would be AWESOME!

    Not sure after that.

  5. KaijahNo Gravatar
    Posted May 24, 2010 at 1:55 am | Permalink

    Personally, I would immediately freak the fuck out. Up and out of there, report that dude, done and done. I don’t even find it hot as a fantasy. I guess I just, oh I dunno, expect my personal space to be respected too much for that kind of scenario to ever work for me with a stranger.

  6. JekandhydNo Gravatar
    Posted May 24, 2010 at 2:34 am | Permalink

    To put this in context, Bettie asked me a series of tongue-in-cheek questions on formspring to which I gave tongue-in-cheek answers. So what would I REALLY do?

    It depends on context and lead-up. I believe that the MAJORITY of men would welcome this kind of advance from an attractive woman (Bettie didn’t state whether the woman was alluring btw), but that the MAJORITY of women would quite understandably hit the panic button and scream loudly.

    Something like this has happened to me IRL, in a hotel restaurant at a conference, seated next to a woman I had just been introduced to by a work colleague. It started as (I think) an accidental brushing of outer thigh with the back of her hand. I looked at her and we smiled at each other. Possibly emboldened by alcohol and the sheer “naughtiness” of the situation, by the time we got to the end of the meal she had my cock in her hand and I was tickling her clit under the table, with the others at the table none the wiser. The woman came back to my room with me and we had fun.

    So yes, I might react like this in real life on a plane.

    Incidentally BA banned a couple for doing exactly this on a transatlantic flight a few years back. Virgin Atlantic made a big thing about saying it would have handled things “more sympathetically” if no other passengers had been disturbed

  7. EpiphoraNo Gravatar
    Posted May 24, 2010 at 2:42 am | Permalink

    Um, yeah, NO.

  8. EveNo Gravatar
    Posted May 24, 2010 at 2:58 am | Permalink

    I definitely would be upset.

  9. mmmwhiskeyNo Gravatar
    Posted May 24, 2010 at 3:05 am | Permalink

    Is she cute?

  10. BobFNo Gravatar
    Posted May 24, 2010 at 7:06 am | Permalink

    I found J&H’s answer to be quite obviously tongue-in-cheek. Probably because he travels enough to know the likelihood of such a thing happening is near zero. I think many men have fantasies of a physically aggressive woman making her desires known directly, but we all understand that this is nothing more than a fantasy. The closest I have ever come was when a complete stranger at the sex party I went to did, indeed, reach over and grab my cock as we stood watching another couple fuck. But that’s not an airplane.

  11. SNo Gravatar
    Posted May 24, 2010 at 11:13 am | Permalink

    It happen to me. I was 19. At a movie with friends. The movie had just ended and we were leaving. Nearing the door I made eye contact with a girl about my age. She was with friends. I told my friends “were staying.”

    I introduced myself and we stopped for a chat. Soon the movie was starting up again so I sat next to her. Ten minutes into the movie she reached over and started undoing my jeans. Shocked at first, I relaxed and pulled my coat over us. She kept gently stroking me for the rest of the movie. At some point I reached over and caressed her but only through her clothes.

    The movie ended and on the way out we we talked for a bit. I asked if I could call her. She said no and soon left with her friends. No number, no last name, nothing but a great memory. Best second showing EVER! Definitely different for a guy.

  12. GardenvyNo Gravatar
    Posted May 24, 2010 at 11:38 am | Permalink

    Neat fantasy, but that’s it.
    That man might not have a hand when I’m through. No one has the right to touch without asking.

  13. alanaNo Gravatar
    Posted May 24, 2010 at 12:34 pm | Permalink

    I’d be pretty pissed if some stranger started groping me. I don’t care if guys want sex more often or don’t think about safety (or common decency). Just don’t touch me if I don’t know you. It’s rather simple.

    But then again, I don’t even really like being touched by people who do know me (in the sense of hugs and that kind of thing) so who knows.

  14. MargaretNo Gravatar
    Posted May 24, 2010 at 3:14 pm | Permalink

    Not only would I not appreciate a stranger touching me anywhere, but I would never disrespect someone else’s personal space like that. Ever.


  15. Nell GwynneNo Gravatar
    Posted May 24, 2010 at 6:21 pm | Permalink

    Fantasy: Hmm…maybe. Am I seated next to Daniel Craig?
    Reality: I’d probably be very annoyed, and upset.

  16. BlowJoyNo Gravatar
    Posted May 24, 2010 at 7:37 pm | Permalink

    Is he hot?

    That was my first thought, too.

  17. IDiomNo Gravatar
    Posted May 24, 2010 at 9:23 pm | Permalink

    I would be fine with this. I actually had an experience similar (in so far as the bold, unexpected advance goes) to this; a close friend of the family made a pass at me – a crotch groping (massaging) advance which I took full advantage of as (I suspect) most adolescent teenage boys would. It was also what made me realize I was bisexual.

    Whether or not I would be alright with this in such a public venue is another question – but only because I do not have tendencies toward exhibitionism. So as an adult I am as much a mass of raging hormones as I was in my teenage years.

  18. elsieNo Gravatar
    Posted May 25, 2010 at 6:52 am | Permalink

    Well, it’s kind of a nice fantasy, but in reality I can’t imagine appreciating some stranger (hot or not, male or female) reaching over and touching my crotch.

    On the other hand, (a much better fantasy, and something I could imagine in reality), if it were on a long flight, and prefaced with a lot of conversation and more-or-less veiled flirtation and mutual attraction and the cabin lights were all out and there were still hours to go before we started the final approach… … well, hmm…… let me get right back to you

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