Safer Sex

I think that this comment deserves a post all it’s own to receive the answer.

Half Pint says:

“You rarely address the issue of safe sex. When you have sex with strangers, do you use a condom and/or dental dam? How often are you tested for STDs? What do you consider a “safe” amount of protection for someone with your sexual proclivities?”

As someone that worked in sex education and as a safer sex educator, and who carries her own condoms in her purse at all times, it’s funny, because when I have random sex, I NEVER use those condoms. Instead, I give them out to random bar patrons as raffle gifts. I choose to roll the dice and see what happens. And though I get annual check-ups, as well as 6-month follow-ups, I’m sure Half Pint would be SHOCKED to know that I’ve never been tested! Though, I have some weird-ass discharge and it burns when I pee. Do you think I should get that checked out?


I agree with the fact that sex bloggers (not just me; all of us) should address matters of safer sex more often. And while I feel that this comment was left with negative intentions, and to make me feel badly about myself and my sexual activities, it’s worth answering.

As my sarcastic answer above alluded to, I was a safer sex educator for 3 years. I have worked in sex education. I carry my own condoms in a really awesome little case. Yes, I use condoms. Always. I also get tested twice a year (once at my annual gyno appointment, and once in between). Even when I’m in a monogamous relationship. Even if I know that I’ve been faithful, I can never guarantee that my partner has been.

So, while the question was probably asked with malicious intent, it’s a legitimate question, and that’s my answer. I do agree that us sex bloggers *should* address issues of safer sex more often. Sadie wrote a post about it a while back, and I completely agree with what she said.

And if you ever wondered what my condom of choice was, I swear by these. If you need a larger size, these are my two recs*.

*I have a condom series in the works that I’m really excited about; I’ll be comparing and contrasting pretty much every condom. The parts in my series will be: thin condoms, larger condoms, snugger fit condoms, roomier head-ed condoms, textured condoms, “fun” condoms (colored, glow-in-the-dark, flavored, etc), non-latex condoms, and miscellaneous (dental dams, gloves, finger cots, etc). If you can think of a category I’m missing, let me know! Otherwise, expect the series to start in the next month or so.

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  1. Nell GwynneNo Gravatar
    Posted April 16, 2010 at 10:29 am | Permalink

    I can’t wait to read your condom series!

  2. Ms.InconspicuousNo Gravatar
    Posted April 16, 2010 at 12:19 pm | Permalink

    I guess I’m torn about the writing including condoms/safe sex practices.

    On one hand, it’s a great example to set and it should be clear that safe sex practices are prevalent, acceptable, sexy and do not–in any way–detract from the eroticism of the sexual moment.

    On the other hand, I’m at the point where it can be so automatic to put on the condom that it doesn’t enter my mind. It’s like getting into the car and auto-fastening my seat belt. I don’t realize that I’m doing it–and it should be assumed that I do. Writing about it makes it seem like it’s noteworthy or unusual when it should be the norm.

    I err on the side of my former opinion, however, since there are some people who watch condomless porn and read condomless sexual accounts and assume that that’s not taking place within a vacuum and is the norm.

    Oh, and the comment? Insane. Because only someone who didn’t actually read your blog could make the claim that you “rarely” talk about safe sex. Sheesh.

    • Half PintNo Gravatar
      Posted April 17, 2010 at 2:12 pm | Permalink

      What on earth is “insane” about asking a sex blogger a question about her safe sex practices following her post about being involved in a “quasi-orgy”? Admittedly, I’m a casual reader here so I may have missed a post about this but I was unable to find anything in recent history. Why would you belittle someone for asking such a question?

      Britni, I’m sorry you feel attacked by people. I’m not one of them. I’m genuinely curious about your life and choices which area different from mine and therefore interesting to me. I don’t recall having read anything from you on the topic and the pictures I’ve seen of you having sex don’t include a condom.

      J&J, thank you for your contribution, that was very helpful. My partner and I are curious about swinging but it would never have occurred to us to inspect a potential partner’s equipment, outside of dildos and other insertable toys.

  3. J & JNo Gravatar
    Posted April 16, 2010 at 1:25 pm | Permalink

    We are swingers who play with others frequently. We always use condoms for sex but never for oral. We also both get tested every 6 months and ask every potential sex partner when was the last time they were tested and if they have anything. If that potential sex partner hesitates with answering, seems unsure, seems like they are lying, hasn’t been tested in the last 6 months, or admits to having something we pass. In addition we also make sure we look at their equipment before playing.

  4. EvaNo Gravatar
    Posted April 16, 2010 at 3:11 pm | Permalink

    On a completely unrelated note, or maybe not so unrelated at all; I remember reading that people sent you so many offensive messages on formspring and on your blog that you’ve had to write less about your life in order to not feed the trolls.
    I am truly shocked to hear how rude people are. The fact that some has even bothered to send you up to 50 messages a day is kind of sad (and not just for you, but for them.. it’s seriously pathetic). People need to get more hobbies so they won’t be bored enough to pester random people on the internet.

  5. BlowJoyNo Gravatar
    Posted April 16, 2010 at 3:22 pm | Permalink

    Swingers are the safest sex people that I know. Go home with a random? You don’t know what you’re gonna get. Go home with swingers? It’s never even questioned. I suppose that promiscuous individuals and swingers are viewed as irresponsible simply because they bone a lot. That’s so ironic. Maybe because people who are more open to sex and have a lot of it just don’t see sex in general as a big deal. So duh, of course we use condoms. In fact, it’s a major rule and the norm in group sex that each man uses a new condom for each new partner. If you switch, you stop, take it off, throw it away and put on a new one. Easy. Big deal.

    Again, it’s very ironic that “sluts” are seen as irresponsible. In my experience sluts are the most educated and sexually responsible of anyone I know.

  6. NelfyNo Gravatar
    Posted April 16, 2010 at 7:58 pm | Permalink

    I love that little condom box, it’s so cute!

    Honestly, for me as a lesbian, it was hard to figure out what kind of protection I should use, how stds can get transmitted,… I have to admit I didn’t use protection with the only person I’ve slept so far, and we will probably get her tested. If she has something, I’ll get tested too, but since I’ve only been with her, she would have been the only one who could have given me something. She has only been with one other person apart from me, so we are both pretty sure she doesn’t have anything, because that was a long time ago and she has since been to the hospital and the doctor so many times. But I’m not really sure, when you go to the hospital for surgery or just in general get admitted for something, do they test you for stds? I would think they would because aids can be an issue for doctors, since they have to be extra-careful then, but I don’t know.

  7. AnneNo Gravatar
    Posted April 17, 2010 at 3:31 am | Permalink

    I’m really excited about your condom posts!

    I thought I was well educated about safe sex and stds, as I had had education on sex an uncountable number of times in school.
    And yet, when my partner was diagnosed with chlamydia recently, I was shocked to discover that he could have transferred it to my mouth (as we use condom for vaginal sex).
    Apparently, oral sex is also unsafe sex. I suppose I had heard it at some point, but not as much or as something quite as important as during vaginal and anal sex.

    I’ve found conflicting information on the internet about whether or not it can transmit back to him.
    We’ve tried oral sex with a condom once – it was not nice – I didn’t like it.

    But he’s gotten some pills, and should be clean of it now – and I think he’ll ask his doctor whether or not I could have it in the mouth.

    Luckily, I hadn’t caught it.

    Well, that was a bit unrelated – sorry. I kind of needed to get it out of my system.

    I also like your condom case :)

  8. Garnet JoyceNo Gravatar
    Posted April 18, 2010 at 3:14 pm | Permalink

    That picture makes me cringe. Don’t open condoms w your teeth!

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