I’m very conflicted about these shirts from Kinksterwear.

On the one hand, I know that BDSM is consensual and all that stuff. And I’ve expressed the sentiments displayed on these shirts to partners before. However, the idea of wearing them on a t-shirt, unless it’s at some sort of kink event, makes me uncomfortable. If you saw someone walking down the street in one of these shirts, you’d have no context for the phrase on the shirt. And, even as a kinkster, conjure images of abuse much more readily than they do BDSM.

“Don’t worry, it’s supposed to hurt,” is kind of triggering for me as a rape victim. And “I hit girls/boys” just seems like something you really wouldn’t want to advertise, could (and most likely will be) totally be taken the wrong way, and just makes me uncomfortable. However, like I said above, I could see possibly wearing them to some sort of kink function, where you would be around likeminded people that would get the joke.

What do you guys think?

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  1. BlowJoyNo Gravatar
    Posted April 30, 2010 at 12:17 pm | Permalink

    Do not like. Not the way to help BDSM (and other “alternative” lifestyles) be understood by the general population.

    Also, it’s just tacky. T-shirts with “funny” saying on them tend to just be cheesy and lame anyway.

  2. JamesNo Gravatar
    Posted April 30, 2010 at 12:21 pm | Permalink


    First off, my fiancé loves your blog and was stunned to see my shirts on your site. Frankly, I was stunned and a little thrilled.

    Then I read the text.

    Okay, I completely understand where your reservations are coming from. Really. I consider myself a rabid feminist (whatever that word means these days) and see why you might see these as “I condone non-consensual violence towards anyone” shirts. They really aren’t.

    I’ll just say the thing I like about the scene and let the conversation start (because, it’s not like I have all the answers). What I love about the scene is that while there are your fair share of creepers and assholes (as there are in any group), the BDSM scene knows it can been seen as a haven for said creepers and is usually very proactive about removing anyone like that from the scene.

    In Madison, I know of two separate incidents were someone was acting in a creeperish way and was “asked” to leave and never come back. Non-consensual violence is nevereverever allowed and violators will be sent home packing.

    What I like from the shirts is the idea that this thing we are expected to hide from the world is now a shirt. My favorite is “Nobody knows I’m kinky” which creates the paradox of telling everyone that you are kinky. Be as open as you want, or wear these to clubs. Your call.

    I’m sure I’ve brought up more questions than answered, but I will happily address/answer whatever questions you have!



    • Britni TheVadgeWigNo Gravatar
      Posted April 30, 2010 at 9:02 pm | Permalink

      Thanks for replying! I agree that I like the idea of not having to hide your kinky identity and such, and I also know that BDSM is totally consensual and all of that. So I understand what the intention behind the shirts was, for sure. Which is why I mention that I think the shirts would be appropriate at kink events with likeminded people, but not so much for every day wear.

    • Britni TheVadgeWigNo Gravatar
      Posted April 30, 2010 at 9:33 pm | Permalink

      Oh, and I do like the “Nobody knows I’m kinky” shirt. In fact, it’s my favorite, too.

  3. EpiphoraNo Gravatar
    Posted April 30, 2010 at 5:12 pm | Permalink

    Yeah. Only kink functions. Otherwise you come off just as badly as the douches who wear the rape joke shirts.

  4. sulpiciaNo Gravatar
    Posted May 1, 2010 at 6:14 am | Permalink


  5. SkyddsDrakeNo Gravatar
    Posted May 1, 2010 at 12:15 pm | Permalink

    On one level, these shirts kind of make me giggle, nod and blush. On another level, I really couldn’t see myself wearing them out and about. At least, probably not where I live now. It’s too conservative, and frankly I’d be concerned about the reaction it would get. Back home, in the Cities, where things were a little more liberal and open-minded? Maybe… But probably not where a supervisor or client might see. Good grief… I can just imagine the fall-out if a teen-aged client saw an authority figure they trusted wearing something like this without the context. And how could you really explain the context without crossing a ton of ethical boundaries?

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