I share a lot of personal information on my blog. A lot more than most people do. However, regardless of what I share here, the truth of the matter remains that you don’t know me. You don’t know the full details of my life; you know what I choose to share here, and via Twitter. And while that may be more than most people, it still doesn’t mean that I’m sharing the whole story. However, people like to assume that they know who I am, and that they can act like my parents, because I share so much. But guess what? YOU DON’T KNOW ME. YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO ACT LIKE YOU CAN REPRIMAND, OR DICTATE, MY LIFE IN ANYWAY. SO FUCK OFF.
Things that are not okay for you to say (and yes, these things HAVE been said to me. Shocking? Yes, I thought so, too):
- That driving after two drinks is irresponsible because I might kill your daughter (who also drives, and lives in Canada).
- That my drinking has anything to do with my ability to be a competent juror in a trial.
- That, somehow, me tweeting during the 3 hour recesses in the jury chambers meant that I wasn’t taking my position as a juror seriously.
- That mentioning that I had 2 glasses of wine on my meds (which tell me that I can drink mildly) warrants a warning that “Brittany Murphy and Heath Ledger died from odd combinations of drugs.”
- That where I, and my parents come from, has any significance whatsoever in an argument.
- That if I had just not drank so much, I wouldn’t have gotten raped.
Guess what? Regardless of how much I disclose about myself, the truth of the matter is, it will never be the whole story. Ever. So don’t sit there and pretend it is. Don’t sit there and pretend that you have a right to lecture me, judge me, reprimand me, or ridicule me. Because at the end of the day, you don’t know me. And even if you did, it’s my life. Just because I share it with you doesn’t mean you have a right to butt into it. So, back off. I’ll live my life and you live yours.
And the next time you feel like you want to act like my parent, or have any sort of input about the way I live my life, I have a word of advice for you: DON’T. Just STFU. Thanks.
I'm Britni, a snarky bitch and generally awesome person. I write about sex, love, and bullshit. If sex-positivity, discussions about BDSM and kink, queer issues, and topics that are completely inappropriate by society's standards make you uncomfortable, then this blog is not for you.
Good Vibes 
51 Comments
I’m sorry to read that being a frequently-read blogger has led to this kind of criticism and disrespect. It’s unfortunate, really. I’ve enjoyed reading your blog, your openness, your opinions, your personal stories. I have no doubt at all that they have helped several people (the ones that make themselves known as well as the ones that don’t). Pity that others have to abuse you for sharing what you’re willing to share.
>>>>>>>That driving after two drinks is irresponsible because I might kill your daughter (who also drives, and lives in Canada).
Read your stream from that day. it wasn’t 2 drinks. You were wasted. You started drinking before noon. You tweeted that you were piss drunk at 6:30pm. At 7:00 you were tweeting from your vehicle that you were stuck in traffic.
Perhaps your life hasn’t been touched by fucktards that insist on driving impaired. Mine has. BY DEATH. So don’t expect me to bite my tongue as you tweet your despicable behavior. My daughter does drive in Canada Brit, my point was that there are daughters and sons and mothers and fathers that you put at risk. You don’t want to be lectured for that shit? Then STFU and don’t tweet about it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G1PllrfeiVw
Yeah, I love it when people feel the need to explain me to *me*. Oh, no dude, you would TOTALLY know more about my daily life than I would. I just live it and all, but what do I know? I mean, what could I possible know about *my* own damn life? Thank you for taking the time to inform me of everything I have ever done or thought EVER. I never would have known otherwise!
In other words, they can all suck my non-existent cock.
I prefer “Lick me where I pee..”
I agree. No one has a right to judge you or anyone else. I think they feel they know us, from what we share, but that’s damn near impossible. And what is the point? It doesn’t serve any purpose when we’re here for diary, personal outlet, etc.
Driving while drunk is irresponsible. I don’t know whether you did it or not. Only you can know and in the end, it is you who must make your decisions. Know that there are those who don’t judge and only hope the best for you.
Oh and drinking caused rape? Never. Just. Never.
Twitter is designed on the whole “what are you doing now” premise which you do quite entertainingly. I guess some people have nothing going on in their own lives so it is much easier to make comments on others. What really shocks me is that when they make negative, blaming, judgmental comments they are surprised at a backlash. Leaping to conclusions and saying someone should be in jail based on two tweets is rather humorous. The victim blaming and holier-than-thou crap automatically puts that person in the same category as every Evangelist I have ever heard and I turn off ANY advice from such a hypocritical source.
Having pain in your own life is no excuse to go cause it in others endlessly.
If they REALLY wanted to give advice they might of asked if you were OK, or made more subtle inquiries to get more information IF you even felt like talking about it. This was not the intention in any of these cases however. It was only to bolster their own feeble self image. I hope they don’t guide their own children in this negative blaming manner. Who could ever live up to that?
Tweet what you like. The block button works just fine in both directions.
I dont follow your tweets.
I read your website/blog kinda like a guilty pleasure.
Now after reading this I feel guilty.
I mean alot of these blogs are a way for people to share. They choose what they share of course. If you are sharing that you are loaded on a tweet and behind the wheel that could be just a cry for attention or it could be you really were driving while loaded. Either of those reasons have ramifacations.
So if its a cry for attention that will be resolved quickly when you get your next sex toy to do a review on.
If its a deluded cry for help then you know the drill. Got health insurance? Get into a program. No health insurance? Support group.
Not really passing judgement mind you just observing and making suggestions.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5LTPRJqt2z4
I’m judging you. See this face? This is the face of a judger. Stop living your life and live it exactly how society sees fit. Happiness is a lie.
People are idiots. I wouldn’t have you any other way than exactly how you are. Thusly why we’re friends, I guess haha
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C2FMdOLyRcA
I’ve noticed that Twitter seems to make people think they can judge EVERYTHING that you choose to say on there. I often get people telling me how to do things, even if I never asked for any help. For some reason, they feel they can judge based on 140 characters, which is pretty sad.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rwKRyHtOWtI
I really like Profligacy: “Holier-than-thou crap automatically puts that person in the same category as every Evangelist I have ever heard and I turn off ANY advice from such a hypocritical source.”
This is pretty much exactly the point I was trying to make with all the self important people who feel entitled to shoot accusations of ‘privilege’ about.
Anyway. I’m at least partly responsible for Brit writing this post; partly for accusing her of not having the right to accuse people of privilege because of her own privileged background (which I subsequently apologized for in a personal email and blog post) and pointing out that some of the things she does in her personal life might be used to undermine the arguments she makes on her blog.
That’s an entirely legitimate point. Britni’s blog is awesome for two reasons: Firstly; the fact that she does share personal information with us, which makes her blog vivid, inspiring and sexy. Secondly; that she is passionate about certain causes and pontificates about them with an intense purity of purpose, that often involves anger and self-righteousness.
But if you wear the mantle of self-righteousness, you have to exceedingly thick skinned; because anything and everything you’ve ever done the contradicts your position can and will be used against you.
It happens in politics and public life all the time. Ted Haggard said that homosexuality was a sin, and was then caught with a male prostitute. Elliot Spitzer was a symbol of incorruptible purpose and then got nailed banging an escort girl. Like it or not, Britni has a public blog and a public Twitter account and feels entitled to share her opinions with the world. Therefore, she is as much in the ‘public domain’ as Spitzer, Haggard or any other politician or celebrity.
I used what little I knew about Brit to attack her in a blog post she wrote; which was wrong because it contradicted the point I was trying to make and, more importantly, upset her. I apologized because I was in the wrong to use that information (as I said, it contradicted my point) and it made me feel bad to personally attack somebody I liked and respected.
However, people who read this blog and don’t like and respect Britni, or don’t have my scruples, ARE going to use that information against her. They’re going to attack her with it and her telling them to STFU isn’t going to make the blindest bit of difference to them.
That’s just part of blogging. Live with it, change your behavior, or quit blogging. No other option. I think Brit’s got enough spunk to do the first or second of those options.
One last point; I think Mr Puck’s anger is entirely justified in this instance. I too brought up the issue of drink driving as out of all Brit’s so-called ‘indiscretions’ that’s the only one I truly had an issue with.
I remember the tweets Mr Puck mentioned and I think it’s fair to call Brit out for claiming in this post that she had ‘two drinks’ when her tweets claimed she was wasted. Either she was exaggerating in her tweets or actually lying to us all in this post about how much she drank merely to reinforce her position of self-righteousness – which is an insult to all of us. Nobody appreciates being lied to; especially about such an important issue.
But the truth is, I have no right to judge Britni on this. When I was her age, I drove drunk. Fortunately, I never hurt anybody and had a wake up call in which I was educated in how dangerous and irresponsible it was; and how selfish dickheads like me, who didn’t see any ‘harm’ in what they were doing, killed thousands of kids and parents on the roads every single year.
Ever since then I have never driven drunk again and that providence every single day that I never hurt anybody when I did.
So since I did exactly the same thing when I was Brit’s age, I have no right to judge her. I also have confidence that she’s smart enough, principled enough and mature enough to realize that drink driving is not something you can defend as ‘none of anybody else’s business’ because it’s the business of EVERYBODY else on the road.
Drink driving is like a big ‘fuck you’ to everybody. It’s an arrogant statement that you believe the law doesn’t apply to you. It’s playing Russian Roulette with your life, which means a lot to all sorts of people; from your parents to your friends. Worst of all, it’s endangering everybody else on the road.
The reason I stopped drink driving and NEVER did it again was because I knew I could never live with the idea of killing somebody’s kid, or parent, just because I was too fucking arrogant to call a taxi.
Britni’s a big girl and she’s old enough to make her own decisions. On this issue, though, I hope she’ll at least listen to my experience as I hope she’s ultimately as lucky with the issue as I was.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MpeqmdJ-3YM
I’m going to compare two things here.
Someone on twitter says they think trans porn is gross. They get lambasted for it. They’re not “allowe” to have that opinion. It’s derogatory and not sex positive and prejudiced and just plain wrong.
Someone else on twitter says they’re wasted then, a small while later, that they’re driving. They get lambasted for it. They’re not “allowed” to do that. It’s stupid and careless and endangers the innocent and is just plain wrong.
Why is one of these ok and the other not?
Gee, maybe because being a transphobic bigot is not ok?
And the other thing is?
Really?
Really??????
This a valid point actually.
I don’t think ANYBODY has the right to tell you what you should or should not do with your life, regardless of how much they *think* they know you.
And to try to excuse rape with alcohol? That’s disgusting, and whoever tried to blame it on you should be deeply ashamed.
No matter what happened, it was most definitely was NOT your fault. Whoever said that it was really needs to take a good hard look at themselves.
I’ve read your blog for some time now, and although I don’t think i’ve ever commented before, I just want you to know that I think you are completely amazing and inspiring.
I’m just sorry that you experienced such negativity.
I haven’t read or posted here in a long time just because I can’t do it anymore. It’s too much.
I stopped by tonight just to see what has been going on and I see that you are angry because someone called you out on drinking and driving. You are telling people that you are intoxicated and behind the wheel while you are in the process of doing it and somehow people rush to your defense.
Those who disagree must shut up and go away.
I’m sorry but this is why I no longer read here and will not after this post.
Britni, it is irresponsible and fucked up to get loaded and drive. It just is.
After working as a paramedic for less than 2 years I had to go on a wreck in which a girl was basically cut in half. She was clearly dead and so was her brother and other passengers. Why? Because the other driver had “a couple” of drinks and plowed them down.
You know what? Fuck you. You are the reason shit like this happens. I shouldn’t have had to see my friend eviscerated, or that brain in the back seat, or that baby that got thrown through the windshield. Maybe if people like you had to see it you wouldn’t be so goddamned self-righteous about being wrong.
Don’t tell me to shut the fuck up. If you don’t want people to tell you when you fuck up then either block them or don’t fucking share it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3taEuL4EHAg
Since you talked about something that is my wheelhouse I have to comment on this:
That mentioning that I had 2 glasses of wine on my meds (which tell me that I can drink mildly) warrants a warning that “Brittany Murphy and Heath Ledger died from odd combinations of drugs.”
I take issue with you portraying 2 drink as mild drinking while on medications when: Firstly, the most common definition for moderate drinking is one drink per day for a female. ( http://www.cdc.gov/alcohol/faqs.htm). Secondly, when asked you said your where on Lexapro which every reference I have and lexpro site’s says to avoid alcohol. You can do what ever you want but I strongly disagree with you portraying double the generally regarded definition of moderate while on a med with an alcohol contraindication as “mild”.
Progicalcy
>>>>Leaping to conclusions and saying someone should be in jail based on two tweets is rather humorous. The victim blaming and holier-than-thou crap
If you have the audacity to drive when you are wasted then you should be in jail if for no other reason than to protect US from YOU. Victim blaming? Brit is the victim here? What a total load of shit. She is the victim for putting peoples lives at risk?
>>>they might of asked if you were OK
Anyone that reads her stream on a regular basis knows she is not ok. She has admitted as much. Cocaine fueled booze benders lasting days at a time make it pretty clear she is not ok. Does that mean I should shut my mouth when I see her putting OTHER peoples lives at risk? Fuck no. The victims are the people that DIE and the friends and family left behind that grieve because you are so wasted you don’t give a fuck
It sickens me to see apologists for this behavior.. “Britt, your inspiring, Brit live your life the way you want and ignore the haters.” What a pathetic stance to take. Maybe if more people called her out then she might get the picture instead of people coddling her.
You know Brit, when I first started following you, I thought to myself that you were a great follow as you are obviously intelligent, passionate and opinionated. An awesome combination. What I see now though is someone that clearly has a substance abuse problem that has gotten to the point that you don’t give a fuck as evidenced by you putting people lives at risk.
Get help. You are worth it.
I’d like to comment on the twit who blamed your drinking for you being raped. Way to perpetuate the stereotype that women ask for it or are partly to blame. That people continue to make outrageous statements like that have no concept of what it means to be a victim of such a horrible, soul-sucking act.
Ahem.
There is such a thing as blatant stupidity. I.e., losing control of yourself and your situation is stupid. Drinking til you are passing out is stupid. Having an ongoing relationship with an abusive person is stupid. Being stupid is your own responsibility, not someone else’s.
Now: while being stupid doesn’t mean someone SHOULD rape you, or that it is alright if they do, it means that a: you can’t even begin to fight the situation and b: that yeah, we live in an imperfect world and it is more likely to happen.
If you don’t walk in the middle of traffic, you are less likely to get hit by a car. If you don’t drink or drug yourself incoherent, you are in a better position to defend yourself and be aware of a situation developing. This rape wasn’t a case of getting attacked on the street. If you aren’t blotto, you don’t go into the house of someone who bears you no good will.
It still doesn’t mean you should get raped…….but in the blatantly imperfect world that we live in, not the one that should exist when the rapture comes, situational awareness will help that happen.
I said once that reading this blog was like watching a train wreck in progress….you know you shouldn’t, you know no good will come of it, and yet you can’t help reaching out a hand hoping that you can salvage something.
I’ve seen firsthand too many fucked up young kids. I’ve seen too many lives ruined because the other person behind the wheel didn’t think anything could happen. I’ve driven wasted as a teenager…..does that make it right? Oh hell no. I thank various deities quite frequently that I never killed anyone.
I’ve posted here before and gotten Britni all sorts of upset because she thought that I was criticizing her lifestyle. It isn’t mine. No problem, though I seriously think she should get help with her substance abuse problem, that’s her choice.
HOWEVER, the minute anyone takes their fucked-up intoxicated impaired self on the road behind the wheel of a vehicle……yep, that’s my problem. Mine personally….not because I’m God or Goddess, but because we all participate in humanity. Kill yourself if you wish, as I think suicide is the last right of any being. Maim, cut, torture yourself from now to eternity….I wish you wouldn’t, I wish you peace…..But you have no right to endanger anyone else’s life.
Now, happily go on posting snarky youtube comments to this…..I really don’t expect a response or acknowledgement. Just come back and read it when you are sober.
My personal choices, and what I do in my personal life have nothing to do with my job and the way I do it. I’m very good at my job, and I have no problem saying that. My ability to help others and the way I choose to live my own life are separate entities.
Nope. They are irreversibly entwined. You cannot function well, though you think you are, when you are enmeshed in substance abuse.
Of course, the possibility exists that this blog is made up of whole cloth, which would make you an attention-garnering narcissist.
Enough people that know me in real life read this to guarantee that that is not the case.
Ok, I’m gonna bitch at you for something – sometimes it takes forever for your blog to load for me, now that you’ve switched over. Bleh.
Now that that’s done…
If you were driving *my* kids around while loaded and/or drunk – then I would have an issue with you. Since you don’t, then there’s not a whole lot I can do or say that is going to change your mind or change how you do things. You are smart – you know what you are doing.
And at the end of the day, you have to be able to look yourself in the mirror and be ok with what you did that day. If you can do that, why is it anyone else’s business?
Lovin’ you, Britni. And you are right. Just because you blog, doesn’t mean that every fucking thing that happens to you is out there – certainly not for others to judge – especially when they do not have the whole story. I’ve kicked people out of my life for that very reason.
peace…
Ok, I’m laughing here. Don’t have the balls to post my comment? Only like when life is feeling sorry for you?
You aren’t a victim. Walking down the street, yeah, a random stranger pulls you in and you are raped. That is true victimhood. Now, I personally think men should be able to keep their dicks in their britches BUT I also go armed, don’t drink to loss of control, and don’t have sex involving ropes, whips and bruises. You aren’t responsible for the guy not listening to your “no” but you are responsible for making yourself vulnerable in the first place….which is just plain stupid.
You are responsible for breaking the law and driving when drinking or drugging…..and you have the nerve to call yourself a counselor? Does your employer know about your substance abuse? Don’t y’all take random drug screens?
Goddess help us all if this is what passes for mental health professionals.
Bitch me out if you like. I’d say the same thing to my daughter…..and hopefully, your poor mother has tried to say the same thing to you.
Ok asshole. I had refrained from commenting thus far because I saw no point in beating a dead horse. While I fully disagree with and think it’s a really fucked up, asshole-ish thing to drive while under the influence of anything that could impair your judgement and ability to control a vehicle, blaming her for the choices someone else made to rape her is wrong.
Very. Fucking. Wrong.
Anyone who has someone else do something to them against their will, regardless of whether or not they consent to letting them tie them up and beat the shit out of them, is a victim. It does not matter how much they drink, how they dress, or where they were at, when they say no it fucking means no.
She didn’t deserve to be raped.
didn’t say she deserved to be raped. In a perfect world, it wouldn’t happen……did say she put herself in a stupid situation. For that, she’s responsible.
This world is NOT perfect. Rape happens. It’s happened to me. Was I stupid? Hell yes. I put myself into a situation that I couldn’t get myself out of, and took the hit for it. Was it the guy’s fault? Yes, for choosing to rape—-BUT I can’t make choices for someone else. We don’t live in a civilized, well-behaved world. People rape, people kill, people steal…..it is MY responsibility to lock my doors, be aware of my surroundings, stay in control of myself so that I can defend myself.
Things happen to all of us that we don’t deserve. Spending the next 10 years of your life crying because it happened—-well—-put your big girl panties on. People lose children, loved ones, people are maimed and crippled and killed. You just have to keep going despite it. It doesn’t help to drink and drug yourself into oblivion.
People tweet stupid advice to others on twitter all the time. I take my dog out in the snow and I have people telling me, ME!, how to take care of her. I go to a wine tasting and I have people telling me not to swallow. Stupid little things but after awhile you get tired of rolling your eyes and sighing. But then I have to remind myself, people don’t really know who I am nor what i do for a living so they will make those assumptions that I know nothing.
I am not defending the people who have down right attacked you, but when you spend your entire day twittering about all your drinking and how wasted you are, it’s very easy for someone to assume that is the only thing going on in your life and that it is out of control, but really they don’t know because you don’t tweet anything else. People should not be out right attacking you, that’s for sure. And I hope those that do care about you, and approach you in a loving manner are well received. Because I am sure there are people out there that generally care about you and just want to see you alive for years to come, when those people stop caring, that’s a sad day.
Be well.
As a health professional, I beg to differ. Substance abuse renders one unfit to practice as such. Again, do your employers know? If not, why not? More than likely because you would lose your job………
I would suspect that you counsel your patients not to drink, to avoid becoming intoxicated, to avoid self-medication with substances both legal and otherwise?
On Feb 27th (which I am assuming is the day in question), she mentions mimosas at 1:06 PM and then mentions “being alone in her car” at 3:52PM. In between, the girl Twitpics her fucking meal.
I’m perfectly capable of sobering the fuck up in three hours.
I don’t agree with all of Brit’s lifestyle choices, but it’s absurd to accuse her of drunk driving based on her fucking Twitter feed.
I think this is important information to have handy with everyone accusing her of drinking and driving. I’m pretty sure three hours and a giant meal is enough to sober most people up enough to be ok to drive.
I don’t think Feb 27th is the day in question. I could be wrong but I’m pretty sure I talked with Britni on twitter the 26th and she was already upset about this stuff.
I don’t keep up with twitter well enough to really have a clue, though, hence my very basic and simple comments thus far.
Yeah. That’s why I didn’t comment either until then.
I find this so amusing coming from one of the more judgmental bloggers I’ve encountered in the sexblogging community.
Karma can be such a bitch.
My advice (and no, you didn’t ask for it but you posted this and invited comment by doing so)? If you don’t want to be judged for behaving stupidly/breaking the law/whatever, quit blogging or tweeting about it. Because the reality is, Britni, most everyone is just like you and will pass judgment upon you for what they perceive to be your transgressions. It doesn’t matter if they have all the information, they have the information you gave them.
If you don’t like playing with the big kids, maybe you should take your toys and go home.
>>>>I don’t think Feb 27th is the day in question.
No, it wasn’t the 27th and if twitter search didnt suck so bad I would pull the tweets.
Let me be as clear as I possibly can. She tweeted that she was drinking. It was before noon. She continued to tweet throughout the day about drinking. (in other words, a typical day in the life of Brit)
At 6:30 she tweeted that she was pissed
At 7:00 she tweeted from her car that she was stuck in traffic
about 20 mins later @naughtyelliot called her out on it and Brit said she wasn’t drunk, just tipsy.
So yeah, I didn’t call her out for driving wasted based on a whim. She was either wasted or was lying her ass off. I certainly hope it was the later.
Sure, it is annoying to have negative comments and people judging you.
Quick solution: don’t write so much information about your real life on the internet.
But, obviously writing about your real life is important to you, so the reality is you are going to have to deal with comments. You can’t legitimately tell someone to STFU when they are making a comment they see as valid. Lets be honest: Drinking and driving IS dumb, tipsy or not. Drinking while on a jury might create a mistrial (I dunno about your state) if found out, and let a guilty person go free. Unlikely, but possible. Obviously you being drunk didn’t get you raped, so that comment in itself is dumb victim blaming. Supid, sure.
But you might want to ask yourself if you would have been in the situation (ie, place and time) at all in the first place if you hadn’t been drinking. Having gotten into some bad situations myself under the influence, I know things aren’t my FAULT per se, but it does leave me thinking “man, I shouldn’t have gotten so wasted and gone to so and sos, then I would be safe at home in my bed.” It isn’t JUST victim blaming. It is FATE questioning. You know? Sometimes just one choice means you didn’t end up in a car that was in an accident, or that you missed a plane you thought you were good to catch. The question being, would you have even been at that place had you been sober? People bring their own experiences with them in their comments. Their own memories, families, regrets and so on. It’s not always black and white and though rape is ALWAYS wrong and NEVER the victim’s fault, you might want to pause for one moment and see the tiny sliver of truth in the accusation.
Just like you write blogs, those reader comments are not entire thoughts and feelings captured, they are just comments. The internet leaves a lot to interpretation both by bloggers and commentors.
The good comes with the bad, right? You get lots of readers by having compelling stories, hnts and so forth. Because you post a lot, you obviously WANT a lot of comments and readers. If you want a lot of readers/comments, you should expect at least 90% of them to be judgemental.
Otherwise, why blog at all? Aren’t you posting this for us to comment on? And what fun is commenting if it is only to agree all the time?
I have nothing to say other than this – Sorry people suck so much.
I like you, Brit, I do. I think you genuinely have a good heart and a passion for helping people. I don’t agree with a lot of your views & opinions, but I do like you.
However, I also think you make rash, selfish decisions and DO have a substance abuse problem, both with coke and alcohol. You talk about your struggle with depression and I think these substances are your way of coping with that. It would be one thing if you ONLY snorted & drank at home where you weren’t affecting anyone but yourself. When you choose to drive after drinking, after drinking AND medicating, or after doing coke, you are putting others in danger of your possibly impaired judgment. When you do coke in the backseat of someone’s car, the backseat where her kids sit on normal occasions, without asking if the driver has any problem with it, then that’s most certainly a rash and selfish decision.
It seems you’ve started taking steps to deal with your depression, but you need help with your substance abuse, too. If you choose not to get that help, then please at least choose not to put anyone else in harm’s way.
Wow. People sure did use this opportunity to shit all over your parade. I also don’t understand why people bitch about things that they’re fully capable of changing (like not reading your tweets or blog). I guess its just human nature though.
I’m not gonna exalt you driving after drinking, but I’m not gonna condemn you either (though I do understand the person who lost a loved one’s response). It feels kind of like some people just want you to shut up and blog about sex sometimes. They don’t even care you’re an actual person and that’s fucked up.
Wow, lots to wade through.
First off, the majority of us don’t believe it was your fault you got raped. I don’t care if walk into a room naked with a bow wrapped around your body, the moment you don’t consent, it’s rape. End of story. I can’t even wrap my brain around people saying shit like “you like rough sex and you like to be tied up SO…”
The drinking and driving: Let’s get real. You are a big girl and you know that driving while drunk or tipsy isn’t ok. As was said before, it’s not just your life people are concerned with…the moment you put that key in the ignition, it is a community concern. As a mother, things like that do really bother me. There are enough douche nozzle drivers out there that make driving with children scary when alcohol isn’t even a factor, let alone adding booze to the mix. And truthfully, it isn’t about trying to be YOUR mother, it’s thinking about all the other people that could be victimized because of a choice like that.
Having said that, as you said, we don’t know you. And there are a lot of things you’ve said that we really have no way of knowing if they are true or not. Were you exaggerating your tweets? Perhaps. It’s not unheard of for a person to want to spice up their existence when they’re feeling down, albeit in the form of a tweet.
Do you really do coke or is it a detail added for shock value to bring in readers? It’s possible.
In my opinion though, I really believe you’re genuine. And when someone shares this much of their life, it’s hard not to feel a sense of protectiveness.
Victim blaming assclowns aside, if one of your readers was trying to ”shake you by the shoulders” and tell you to take care of yourself, I don’t think it was out of a disciplinarian standpoint as a parent would be. It seems to me that the majority who expressed concern did so out of a genuine concern for your life.
Yes, of course, it is YOUR life to do with what you please. But think about how any one of your readers would feel if some how your anti-depressant/alcohol/coke combo actually DID kill you and they said nothing…..or think about how your readers might feel if you had killed someone else while driving and they had said nothing. It’s very hard to see the water rising and not throw out the life preserver.
I like you Brit. I have shared things with you that I have never shared with anyone. And I did it because I identify with you and I think that if you’re half the therapist that you are a writer, you must be amazing. No finger pointing, no judgment, no moral high horse…..just take care of yourself doll
Oh Britni.
I’ve followed you for a long time – both publicly and not – because I felt like you had something to say. You talked about things that I felt were important and interesting. I agreed with you a lot of time. I admired your moxie, your quirky fashion sense, your biting wit.
You’ll notice that I’m talking past tense, here.
Britni, I can’t watch this anymore. I watched two friends drink and snort themselves to death. They both had issues with depression. One had been raped. They just spiraled down and down, until no one could touch them. They refused every helping hand, they told us to “Shut The Fuck Up” and butt out of their lives. And within a year, they were both gone.
As someone who has also lost family and friends to drunk drivers, I have to tell you that I deeply resent the fact that you would drive after drinking, and then have the brazen audacity to tweet about it. That is NOT OK!! It doesn’t matter if you had one drink, or were a tiny bit tipsy, or hammered, Britni. Driving after drinking is a zero tolerance activity, regardless of what the “legal limit” is.
What’s even worse, every comment that called you out for the drinking and driving was answered with a flippant link to a youtube clip that essentially made fun of the comment. Is this the behavior of a mature, responsible person? Is this someone who has any place counseling anyone else on their lives? I think you know that it isn’t.
What you do with your sex life is your business. You did not deserve to be raped regardless of the circumstances. What you wear, say, think and do, that only affects you, is none of my business. But the minute you take that show on the road, and it has the potential to affect someone else’s life? That is my business. I frankly don’t care if you don’t like it. If I had any inkling of where you lived, I’d turn you in myself with absolutely no regrets.
I hope you get help. I hope you find a way out of depression. I hope you deal with the drugs and alcohol that you are clearly abusing. And for the record, your Master does you NO favors by excusing your behavior and telling you to do whatever you want. He also has a responsibility for your safety that he’s clearly neglecting.
I hope you find yourself, Britni, because right now you’re coming across as a petulant, lost little girl. I truly hope you’re ok; but I won’t be watching anymore.
Not that you care…. so I’ll just STFU.
People really can be jerks sometimes. Sorry you have to hear it.
I know that there have been tons of advice here and I know that you don’t really want anymore. But I am going to try my best to be more positive. Drinking and driving bad! But I never understand people that insist on driving home. I was a bar tender for years and spent most of the last hour or so asking (practically pleading) my drunk ass customers. “Please let me call you a cab.” In some cities, the cab ride is even free. Besides the DUI fees are horendous! S10,000 after fines and court fees, not worth it.
Britni,
I have spent a great deal of time reading through your archives prior to commenting here if only because I believe it is important to have all facts before speaking. It is true the only facts I have are the ones you wish to share and not what you do not; therefore I am very aware that I could be missing whole truths of your everyday life and all you have experienced. What you share is personal and entirely in your control just as I know what I record in my journal is my truth, my feelings and I do not disclose everything about me, not even close. My lack of details though, my decision to expel only bits and pieces of who I am is what I provide to anyone who reads my words and I can not fault anyone for their impressions of me: I give what I want to give and therefore do not allow anyone a true description of who I am, what I am, where I am going.
You are selective with what you disclose, you have stated that you do not share everything, only what you want. What you share though, _is_ the information a person has in order to put together the entire you and some will put the pieces together and see something beautiful and others will put the pieces together and see something not so beautiful.
Everyone has a different opinion, a different view and therefore you will receive many colourful comments and you can either choose to discard them or accept them, it is all in your control. Unfortunately some comments will be rude or even worse hateful and I do not believe that is appropriate or healthy. I have received numerous e-mails and or comments from people who have told me I am the reason for child abuse, that I am the reason why the world is sexually perverted, that I am the reason women are abused and all because I live in a consensual BDSM, Master/slave relationship. For the messages that are saturated in hate and death threats, I simply delete, for the ones that cause me to ponder, the ones that bring reflection, even when they prickle, I keep them, I post them because I believe it is important to learn from others, to at least be willing to look outside my box and re-evaluate some of my behaviours.
From reading the numerous comments I would say that you appear to be open to publishing comments even when they are not pleasant; however, what saddens me is how angry, how hostile and have verbally attacking you appear in your own comments and with this one individual post.
I did not choose to comment to tell you what you should and or should not do. I did not make the effort to express my thoughts and views in order to “change” who you are or to “show you the light”. You will continue to live your life in the manner you believe best suits you; you make choices and you live with the consequences, both positive and negative.
Why I took a moment to converse through the virtual world is because your behaviour, your actions towards driving while under the influence of alcohol is startling. I have been a rather dedicated to my beliefs that drinking and driving is not acceptable, not okay. I am exceptionally aware that my view is not always well received; however, I stand firm in my belief. Drinking while driving, being under the influence of any substance while driving is simply reckless and selfish. When I am behind the wheel of my car I take all precautions to ensure I am safe as well as those on the road with me, both drivers as well as pedestrians. I am also very well aware that many people will fight the laws on driving while under a substance stating that he or she can have numerous drinks and still not exceed the legal blood alcohol level. Allow me to share with you that in Canada anyone who reaches a 0.05 blood alcohol level is considered dangerous and should not be operating a vehicle. How many drinks a person can have before reaching a 0.05 BAL is dependent on numerous factors all ranging from weight, from gender, from how quickly a drink is consumed therefore unless a person has a breathalyser or takes a urine test or blood test one can not say with 100% certainty that he or she is safe to behind the wheel of a vehicle. And if one can not be for certain after have a few drinks or numerous drinks, then he or she best side on the error of caution.
I have the belief that what you do to yourself, (what anyone does to him/herself) is private, individual and although I might not agree with one’s behaviours their life is not mine. I also have the belief that what you (or anyone) does and it could have a direct impact on my life such as driving while under the influence, I have every right to speak up, to say no to such behaviours because I value my life. We do not need to live close to each other for me to feel a risk from such behaviours as yours with regards to driving while under the influence. There are many people who share similar beliefs and that thought is frightening.
Just as you believe that no one has the right to tell you what to do, I do not feel you or any other person, has the right to dictate what may or may not happen to me when we share road space. Accidents happen, this I understand and accept the risk each time I place my foot on the gas pedal. Accidents caused by a person who has been drinking or digesting any other substance which can cause impairment, is not acceptable.
I could continue this comment with psychological babble; I could continue this comment with the statistic of how many people have died due to reckless endangerment from driving impaired; I could continue this comment sharing my own personal grief with regards to death and my own loss; however, I do not believe that will have any effect on you and that truly is not my purpose.
My desire to speak here was to express the sadness in human kind when people use hate to teach or express him/herself and to express my disbelief that you feel retaliating with hate is a solution. My desire to write was also and most importantly influenced because it genuinely scares me to know that you appear to have no remorse, no accountability and no responsibility for your actions with regards to driving under the influence.
Ignorance is not bliss. It is fatal.
~A
http://www.mto.gov.on.ca/english/safety/impaired/fact-sheet.shtml
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