One of the biggest problems I’ve encountered on the dating scene is that people think I’m a “party girl.” Or they say that I party too much. While it’s true that I enjoy going out and that when I do go out do so with a vengeance, I wouldn’t say that it’s something that I do “too much.” I go out two times a week. Three nights on a busy week. If I’m dating someone, we go out together. Or we don’t go out. I don’t mind staying in with someone that I’m dating. In fact, I quite enjoy it.
However, the problem that I have with being called a “party girl” is that I do not advertise myself as anything else. My dating site profile explicitly states that I will not even consider dating someone that doesn’t drink. I drink and when I drink, I don’t get buzzed. I get drunk. If my significant other is not drinking with me, it’s not going to be a good time. I will feel self conscious, worry that they aren’t having fun, and will probably embarrass myself.
The other thing that baffles me is when I meet someone in a bar and then they complain that I drink too much. Think about that for a second, buddy. We met IN A BAR. I was drunk when we met. Especially if I’m a regular in a bar and so are they. I’m there multiple times a week. You SEE ME THERE multiple times a week. You know my drinking habits prior to asking me out, so why are you acting surprised when they continue once we start dating?
I drink two to three nights a week. I advertise that from day one. If you have a problem with that, don’t date me. It’s that simple. I’m not pretending to be something I’m not.
I'm Britni, a snarky bitch and generally awesome person. I write about sex, love, and bullshit. If sex-positivity, discussions about BDSM and kink, queer issues, and topics that are completely inappropriate by society's standards make you uncomfortable, then this blog is not for you.
Good Vibes 
9 Comments
How funny that we both have posts today about drinking!
Yes, I hear ya sister. I, too, am the quintessential party girl (at least I was when I was drinking). You're still young and it's time for you to have fun. Just make sure you're careful, k?
xoxoxo~Sadie
It’s weird, there was a time when I drank just as much as you do and thought nothing was wrong with it. I mean, I never missed work because of it or blacked out in strange places. I just liked to hang out and have a good time.
But now that I don’t drink too often (maybe twice a month), two days a week seems like an awful lot. I’m not being judgmental (cause you’re great) but if a lot of people think that might be a lot then maybe they have a point.
I want to clarify: It’s not the amount of days I think is a lot, it’s the repetitiveness of it. Getting drunk on the weekend is no biggie, but getting drunk on every weekend is an indication there might be a problem. Plus, always drinking to get drunk isn’t a good sign.
Alana, while I see your point, I think that I was going more in the direction of I know that some people might consider the amount I drink to be excessive, but I don't hide it. I don't mislead people into thinking I barely drink and then *SURPRISE* I'm a lush!
I advertise it right off the bat, so people bitching that it's a problem have no case because they knew about ti from day one.
You know?
Ok, yeah I totally get your point. I always tell people I’m bat chit crazy and yet they still act “shocked” when I’m not what they expect.
I think most people don’t know how to handle people who don’t front though. Being honest is the most shocking thing a person can do nowadays.
Ugh, I couldn't date someone who didn't drink. I have enough issues after a night out anyway based on some random neuroses left over from my younger days, let alone having a sober recount of the evening's events. I hate when people do the "remember when you did this?" game the night after going out. I usually do, and I don't want to rehash it 12 hours after it happened, okay? Let's just get breakfast and watch bad TV.
ha ha good point… my boyfriend thinks i'm a little bit too excited about drinking/getting wasted, but we met at a psy trance party – and he wasn't much more sober than i was
.. ok, so now i feel a lot better about the two pints of beer and the big chocolate i had for breakfast! thanks, brit! (i'm still going out to replace the beer till he gets home so he won't notice, though.. is that sad?)
hahaha! people are dumb. they like to see others as more than what they are in order to better thrust themselves into a relationship. i'm dumb in the exact same way; i'm just sayin'.
i don't drink (or do otherwise) very often but when i do i hate having to take care of a sober significant other. being pleasantly faded together, as long as we don't have to drive anywhere tonight or do anything too serious or strenuous tomorrow, is a great joy. but for some reason, even though the boyfriend loves alcohol, only about half the time that i want to drink will he, and that makes me want to do it that much less. it's an annoying — albeit healthy
— cycle. grr!
Live and let live, bro. If you want to drink, please, by all means, fucking drink. I certainly did! I still would, were it not for the earth-shattering hangovers and memory loss and suffocating depression that eventually came with it for me. I'm A LOT more fun now than I was then. Just ask my friends (with whom I'm going out to a bar where some of them will undoubtedly get shit-hammered tonight), or ask my girlfriend (who also drinks and seems to have a pretty good time with me even though I don't).
So, I don't get this judgment against people who don't drink. We're not all lame, preachy assholes. I mean, it's just as shallow and silly to judge people for not drinking as it is to judge people FOR drinking. It's the judging that's shitty, not the drinking or non-drinking. That shit just doesn't seem consistent with your other attitudes and opinions about sex, race, sexuality, gender, feminism and body image, etc. And, really, if you feel self-conscious or worry because someone isn't drinking, that's not about them, that's about you.
You have every right to rule people out of your life because they don't drink, but you're missing out on some pretty wonderful, smart, creative, cool fucking people if you do. Also, you're missing out on the added bonus of always having a kickass designated driver.
the monse: I can totally see having that reaction to this post. I don't judge people that don't drink and I *do* have many friends that don't drink. That's their choice and they have reasons, and that's totally cool and admirable. However, in my experience, when I try to date men that don't drink, they have SERIOUS problems with my drinking habits. So I save myself the trouble by avoiding it altogether, especially on dating sites.