Figleaf posted about the site Get A Second Wind, the goal of which is to ”change lives by inspiring individuals, partners, and couples of all orientations to redefine, invigorate, and enjoy their sexuality at midlife and beyond.” I think this is absolutely awesome. I’ve written before about the fact that just because you are older does not mean that you are no longer sexual, and about the lack of resources for the older population. This site is a MUCH NEEDED resource.
While it’s true that as we age, most of us do not lose interest in sex, it’s also true that our amount of desire changes, as do the types of things that our bodies are capable of doing. We are not capable of doing the same things at 80 that we were at 60. We can’t do the same things at 60 that we could at 40. And we can’t do the same things at 40 that we can at 20. Besides being unable to do the same things, we may not want to do the same things! It’s important for us to understand how our bodies change as we age. What’s normal? What’s not normal? What could be a sign of something more serious and what can be fixed with just a little bit of lube or a change in position? As we age and our bodies are not capable of handling such intense activities as intercourse, oral sex, massage, intimate touching, use of toys, and fantasy and use of stimulating materials may become more important.
In general, all phases of the response cycles for men and women continue as they age, just with decreased intensity (and duration of response for men). Therefore, they are still capable of experiencing excitement, plateau, orgasm, and resolution in the arousal process. Lubrication typically begins more slowly in older woman and to a lesser degree, however it has been shown that older woman that engage in sexual relations once or twice weekly lubricate more readily than women that experience infrequent sex. Some women may report decreased desire, sensitivity of the clitoris, requiring more stimulation to achieve orgasm, and reduced capacity to reach orgasm. Most of these complaints are easily resolved with foreplay, lubricant, and a vibrator. But if older people are unaware of these options, they may just think that less enjoyment of sex is just part of the aging process.
Older men may require a greater amount of effective stimulation in order to achieve an erection, and that erection may be less firm than it was when he was younger. Some older men can maintain the plateau phase of arousal (between excitement and orgasm) longer than when they were younger, due to the fact that erection does not usually occur until later in the excitement phase. Men may also notice a decline in the intensity of their orgasm, as well as losing that feeling of “inevitability” of release that they may have felt when younger. Again, many of these issues can be easily resolved with a cock ring, some lube, and a small vibrator, and most of these do not indicate a decreased enjoyment of sexual activity.
Older people have another issue as well. Many of them lose their partners– partners that they have been with for many, many years, many of whom have only had that one partner. They may find someone new, but lack the important education about STDs and safe sex. Generations before ours didn’t have the same kind of access to sex education that we do today, and therefore little is known about STDs and how to prevent them. Remove the risk of pregnancy and chances are, there is no safer sex taking place strictly because people don’t know that they need to be taking precautions. It’s one of the reasons that the 65+ population is currently the fastest growing population affected with HIV. Safer sex education in retirement homes and communities is really important, and while it’s still often over looked, many people are starting to realize that.
Any and all resources for aging individuals is hugely important. They want to have sex, too! They want to have good and satisfying sex, at that! And they should be able to find out how to do that just like the rest of us. And how to do it safely and in a healthy way that doesn’t put them at risk.
And for a really fun look at sex in aging individuals, check out Still Doing It: The Intimate Lives of Women Over 65. It’s an awesome movie!
I'm Britni, a snarky bitch and generally awesome person. I write about sex, love, and bullshit. If sex-positivity, discussions about BDSM and kink, queer issues, and topics that are completely inappropriate by society's standards make you uncomfortable, then this blog is not for you.
Good Vibes 
4 Comments
Wow, seriously great post, Britni! It's one of the things that make you so much fun to read — you can go from professional sex ed to baseball to confessional/diary to inclusional photos to personal ones to chit-chat and back. In the same 24 hours. Awesome.
figleaf
"what he said", yes I agree with Figleaf, your post is outstanding. I also browsed getasecondwind.com and found some great articles.
As a mid-50s man, I have some experience with most of the effects you mention, and I think you are dead on. Thank you for an excellent post.
A few additions…
In my experience anyway, with decreased penis sensitivity condoms become much more of an obstacle to satisfying sex, not just to orgasm but to maintaining an erection. So this is where accurate information about both safe sex and birth control becomes imperative. Younger people may be able to get away with saying "always use a condom", but older men may need to pay more attention to establishing trusted disease-free relationships.
The other comment is that we shouldn't be shy about discussing (a) the deflating effect of alcohol on an erection in many older men and (b) the genuine value of drugs such as Viagra. Yes it can help.
You already made this point yourself, but I would just emphasize that there are a lot ways to enjoy sex and penile penetration is only one of them. I think lesbians understand this better than anybody and we all can learn a lot from them.
And finally, it's worth noting that these issues aren't limited just to older people. Young men may have erection issues too, usually from performance anxiety. Yet I still read women's blogs that seem to regard a limp dick as a personal insult, and as a good reason never to see a guy again. Too bad, because it's more likely to be hard the second time.
Thanks again Britni. You do rock.
Thank you, figleaf
Apollo, thanks so much for your additions and your input! It's great to hear from people that have more experience with things that I may not have had the opportunity to personally experience yet. Also, re: women taking a soft penis personally, I agree that it's irritating when women do that. I NEVER blame a guy for that. It just happens sometimes, especially if there is alcohol involved. Not every guy gets and stays hard every time. Just like women don't stay wet or get wet every time and lube needs to be involved.
Yay! Great post!
I try not to take a soft penis personally, but my ex got me all paranoid with his issues. I'm still pretty nice about it, however. The only time it's a problem is when it's obviously too soft to go in, but the guy is still trying to get it in. Dude. No. And that's not age related